Please help me to teach DD how to poo!

[SallyMischievo]

DD, just turned 4, has been happily doing wees on the toilet and has been dry at night, for well over a year. However she has never managed a poo on the potty or the toilet, and insists that she can only do them standing up and wearing a nappy, in her favourite corner at home. She doesn't appear to be frightened of the toilet or the idea of pooing, it seems to be more of a positional thing and her not being able to figure out the mechanics of pooing sitting down. She will always have a try on the toilet but then says it is too tricky and asks for a nappy on to go. Up until this point, we have taken the approach of going along with it and hoping that the issue will resolve itself and that one day something will 'click'. We have spoken to the Health Visitor and we have also tried various books, apps, blowing bubbles, fitted toilet seat, footstool etc. Have also been gently saying for the last few months that her nappies are getting far too small now, she is a big girl and needs to do her poos on the toilet, promising her all manner of rewards etc. Have been feeling slightly at my wits end over the whole issue but doing my best to remain calm and very encouraging, reassuring, upbeat etc. Exchanged heated words with DM on Boxing Day who is horrified by the ongoing situation and we took the decision to say that the nappies had been left behind at her house when we returned home after Christmas. DD has now not had a poo since Thursday AM. Saturday and yesterday saw several lengthy trips to the toilet with her trying to go and not getting anywhere. In desperation, I 'remembered' an 'emergency nappy' late last night as was so anxious about her holding it in but still no joy. I actually don't know what to do for the best now. Feeling like world's most terrible parent and have barely slept with worry about it all. Any advice would be very gratefully received.

Have you tried the book ‘Poo goes to Pooland?’ It’s downloadable. Worked really well for my 3 year old when had similar issues.

Yes, we have tried it but thank you for the suggestion

You have to take this very slow Lu for rear of ending up constipated as you have discovered. I do this sort of thing regular Lu as part of my job. We take a very gentle approach and expect it to take 6 months from starting. Firstly, go back to nappies for about a month, take the pressure right off, get her pooing normally for her. Say it was a mistake to leave the nappies behind, you have some now. It's all ok. Once she is settled with that have her help you too the poo from the nappy into the toilet, help her wipe herself with toilet paper and flush it all down the look. Lots of talking about this being where poo goes. This should be for about 6-8 weeks.

During this time move the nappy store to the bathroom or toilet area so she has to go in there to get one to do a poo. After 6-8 weeks of tipping the poo in the loop start encouraging her to stay in the bathroom to do her poo. This may need gentle handling but if you've stored the nappies in there, she's putting them in and taking them off in there already then it's not usually too tricky.

After she's been doing that for a month or so then encourage her to sit, first onna chair in the bathroom then on the toilet. Again, for about a month.

Then gradually release the tabs so the nappy is not so tight, eventually leading to plaveibd the nappy on the toilet seat or in the bowl. Thai can be tricky hygienically, especially as you need to keep tipping the poo in the loo, but it is usually a short step from this stage to independent toileting.

This may seem long winded but I have successfully used this method with over 10 children with similar issues. You Amy be able to speed up the steps but make sure not to rush and go back a step if you get withholding.

In addition try to get books such as 'poo goes to pooland' and books about the digestive system. She may not be scared of the toilet hit there is obviously anxiety about something.

Good luck!

Thank you, Hairy. We have been tipping the poo into the toilet and waving it off and reading Poo Goes To Pooland for the last few months but we will try the phased approach that you suggest. In the meantime, I planted a nappy in her little suitcase that we still haven't unpacked and said that we will get more today. Feel like I have really messed up and set us back. The funny thing is, she hasn't seemed overly distressed, I genuinely think she just can't figure out how to push a poo out in the sitting position! I keep talking about all the clever things that she has learned to do and saying that it just takes practice!

Could you just take all nappies away? She’s old enough to realise not to poo in her knickers and I imagine she goes to nursery or school ? My DD was similar but at a younger age around 3 I think and we stopped doing softly softly and she soon got the idea