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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

3 year old refusing!-Toddler led training

30 replies

SnowWhite26 · 28/11/2018 10:39

So i posted on here a few weeks back abput my 3 year old. She was getting upset when trying for a wee and really not wanting to do it. We have made stcker charts had rewards bought new toliet seat put hole in happy sat on toliet with knickers everything you can think off! She as now regressed and doesn't even want to wear knickers! She tells me when she is weeing in her nappy sometimes. Anyway after a last big push she is point blank refusing! She is the kind of child who will do thongs when she wants to and just has a melt down if we make her ( life changing things not every day things to clarify)This is now a massive deal and i didn't want it to be. Anyway i have just read about toddler lead training. Basically leave everything on show like potty etc but let her tell me and take her to the loo with me and change her in bathroom. Has anyone tried this with success? Also thinking of just ignoring all and trying to forget about it till new year then start again?i have a 14 week old baby as well. Please just helpful advice last time loafs of ppl kept telling me she was 3 so should be potty trained I dont really no how that was helpful as im bloody trying here :( sorry very stressed. Thankyou xxx

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lovetherisingsun · 28/11/2018 10:41

Can you just go cold turkey and no nappies? If you're trying to potty train her but leaving nappies on, it sends mixed signals. Where as if you're able to stay in for a weekend, just pants, let her get on with it and see how she copes. Toilet first thing in the morning, then every 20 mins etc, loads of drink to make her want to go. That kind of thing.

Micke · 28/11/2018 10:58

Honestly if it's turned into a showdown I'd just back off for a bit.

My youngest, if you meet him head on, he digs right in. If you back off a for a bit, then in time, once he thinks he can keep his dignity, he'll start doing what you want whilst acting like it was his own idea.

There's really no fixed time - my eldest had a really hard time with wees, only just trained to start school (and still had the occasional accident), and even now at 8 I know if he's feeling down about something or he's getting sick because he'll have an accident.

Thesearmsofmine · 28/11/2018 11:07

That sounds like it has been made into a huge thing, no wonder she is refusing, she is probably getting confused with all the different things you are trying. I would back right off.

With my children we had a potty in the house from about 12-18 months, they wore it as a hat, put toys into it etc and we talked about what it was for, they also always followed me to the loo, I waited until they told they wanted to wear pants and that was it. No pressure or training needed. One was 2.5, one was around his 3rd birthday. My youngest is 2 and knows what the potty is for and has used it a couple of times as a novelty but isn’t quite there yet.

She won’t be in nappies forever, in 5 or 10 years nobody will care when she was potty trained.

Sunisshining5346 · 28/11/2018 11:08

I went through this with DS1 who is 3 1/2 now..started off with all the gear and he was quite happy at first to wee in the potty, then all of a sudden refused! Our HV asked if he had slipped and something must of put him off. There had been no incident at all!

I just backed off, when it came to nappy changing I would just pretend that I quickly needed to do something and wouldn't put a nappy back on for twenty mins upping the time everytime..so he got use to not having a nappy on slowly.

Then one day all of a sudden, that was it he woke up and started using the big toilet! He just didn't like the potty or the seat to make our toilet smaller for him..he wanted to do the same as mummy and daddy do!

Don't feel pressure, when she is ready she will just do it xx

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 28/11/2018 11:13

Thankyou for all replying so quickly. I tried the weekend thing cold turkey but she just gpt so upset and held it in.i never ever thought it would be so stressful. She is quite bright and everything else has obviously been at just the right time eg taking dummy away absolutely no fuss and sge was addicted at night at a week before her second bday i just said that anothrr baby needed it and that was that! The going into the bed from cot absolutely fine! Even having a new brother had been ok except the odd moments and she is slightly more mummy mummy. Shes so head strong. Glad shes not the only one. Xxx

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CottonSock · 28/11/2018 11:17

My first was the same, held it in all day etc.. sweet bribes worked in the end. My mum told me I had to use a reward that motivated her, and sweets certainly did.

lovetherisingsun · 28/11/2018 11:18

I'd just leave it for another couple of months then if it's stressing her so much. She won't be 15 and in nappies, it'll come eventually and one day she'll just turn around and say no more nappies mum! Xx

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 28/11/2018 11:18

I also think the sticker chart and button bribe are almost putting her off as the pressure is there to get one if u no what i mean :) x

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Micke · 28/11/2018 11:27

Sweet bribes - work for some, not for others.

DS1 - couldn't really be bothered with weeing for a sweet, so DP kept escalating (I had to put a stop to it when we got to skylanders for 3 days dry!)

DS2 - turned out was just being stubborn, because once rewards were on the table, he turned into a child with a bladder and bowel of steel who could ration out nuggets of poo/small wees in order to maximise the sweetie haul....

CottonSock · 28/11/2018 12:57

Snow white, don't reward for the doing, reward for trying so less pressure then. My dd1 has had soiling issues so I've read a lot about best approach and taken advice. They should have a reward for a thing they have control over, like sitting on potty, drinking lots etc.

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 28/11/2018 19:30

Micke- thats very clever haha.
Cottonsock- so is this with cold turkey approach?

OP posts:

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 29/11/2018 14:30

So today i tried the cold turkey and lasted till now. She went on the toliet loads and got stickers fro trying. We blew bubbles etc all quite relaxed until she was desperate. I tried standing in bath and a dribble came out. In the end she was crying 'dont put me on the toliet i need my nappy i like my nappy' i ended up giving in and she stood there and did a massive wee she can control it and hold it.... Im at a loss i feel like i just don't no what to do i never new it could bring me to tears!

OP posts:

CottonSock · 29/11/2018 17:03

Maybe give your health visitor a call. If you have a nice one.

Di11y · 29/11/2018 17:09

poo goes home to pooland?

Angharad07 · 29/11/2018 17:10

Hmm she obviously has good control over her wee and understands when she needs to go but has lots of anxiety when releasing for the toilet/potty because she’s used to going in her nappy. I’d say you need to get the nappies out of the house completely (her nappies- I understand you have a small baby), the fact that she said “I need my nappy” reveals a lot. I’ve heard some other posters suggest pouring warm water over the child’s legs while they are sitting on the toilet to try and help them relax and release the pee.

Angharad07 · 29/11/2018 17:14

Also, I’d try and reassure her that it doesn’t matter if she misses the toilet when not wearing a nappy. Maybe she’s anxious that by not wearing her nappy and missing she’ll somehow be failing or getting into trouble. Tell her we all have accidents and try to get on with your day. Don’t stay home (I know that’ll be hard).

CottonSock · 29/11/2018 17:21

I forgot about pool land. That really helped us. My friend who has two kids and is a paediatric Dr told me about it

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 29/11/2018 19:23

Yeah shes happy to sit on the toliet but as soon as it starts coming she jumps off. She has wee'd several times in her nappy holding my hand.I put a hole in the nappy and a bit dribbled down. I told her it doesn't matter about accidents. I think like you said Ang07 I have to just get on with life and put her in knickers. I no about the getting rid of nappy thing but she begs me to put a nappy on and gets so upset so surely Puting a nappy with a hole in and trying to encourage to sit down and do a wee in the toliet with it on is a good start? Do you think its coz shes used to standing up? As keeps wanting to stand to wee x

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TigerQuoll · 30/11/2018 05:49

Just a random idea:

Could you try putting a clean nappy open over the seat, so she can sit on it and feel it while she wees? Then when used to that, put it under the potty seat so it is nearby and she is weeing on the nappy but she can't feel it? Then remove it altogether.

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 01/12/2018 09:28

Yeah i tried that Tiger she just was confused haha. So what we are going for now is that we do all nappy changes or wee accidents or anything remotely toliet related in the bathroom. She is in knickers at home but asks for a nappy to do a wee in. I cant get her on the loo at all when she really needs it. Do you think this sounds a plan? I then hope to progress to sitting on toliet in nappy. I dunno whether to do this and go with it or stop and start again after xmas?

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Agrippina90 · 01/12/2018 09:52

I'd definitely stop everything and leave her in nappies until after Christmas. The break of a few weeks will help diffuse some of the tension that's built up for both of you. Get a copy of the Sarah Ockwell-Smith Gentle Potty Training book and have a read while you're having a break - I think it might have the answers you need. We only turned a corner when I relaxed and genuinely didn't care if there was an accident - as soon as I was no longer invested emotionally (and it had to be genuine because he knew, even if I said nothing) the accidents stopped. It's so exhausting - hang in there!

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 01/12/2018 10:40

Its not the accidents i get stressed about coz she holds on lol But yes think your right Aggrip thanks

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Agrippina90 · 01/12/2018 15:28

My son could hold on for hours and hours - denying he needed a wee whilst hopping around with his legs crossed - it would have been funny if it wasn't so infuriating! And then of course he'd have an accident. But the root of it all was his anxiety about my reaction. Might not be what's going on for your daughter - it sounds much more complicated than our situation was - but it did ring a bit of a bell. Good luck!

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 01/12/2018 19:29

Thanks. Maybe it is that. Maybe its. Contol thing. Maybe shes just not quite ready. Maybe she wants to be like her baby brother.i dont no :( but im giving up talking about it with till January. I will keep everything up and toliet seat out etc we will see x

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NanooCov · 01/12/2018 20:49

Stop and com back to it in the new year. No point getting stressed out and upset.

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