I need potty training help!

[Keegis]

My very interfering MIL p*ssed me off the other say by complaining that my kids aren't properly toilet trained and I just wanted some reassurance. My 5yo daughter had been dry during the day since she was 3 but just can't seem to manage night time dryness, we've tried all the usual techniques but it would poear she's just not ready. She's a VERY heavy sleeper! And my only just 3yo isn't remotely interested in toilet training, in fact he's quite against it just now. Part of the problem is that he's had a really rough year after being nosed with a type of kidney cancer in January. He had his kidney removed and has had 36 weeks of chemo all in all, he's almost at the end of treatment but because of all the trauma he's endured this year, we don't want to push it, he's already been through a lot. I don't know if this has contributed to my 5yo's issues too, who knows! I was a very late toilet trainer too but my MIL just keeps whining on about it and acting like we're neglecting the kid's toilet training. Did anyone else's kids start late?

It’s not possible to toilet train children at night, in the same way as daytime toilet training. Production of wee is regulated by a hormone called vasopressin and until your child starts producing enough of it, their body will continue to generate wee during the night at daytime levels. So, it’s beyond a child’s control really - training, rewards, motivation techniques are unlikely to help on their own. Bed wetting has a genetic link - if either your or your child’s father wet the bed till a later age, then your child will be predisposed to the same.

That said, there are some avenues to investigate e.g is your child drinking enough during the day, are they constipated, are they drinking caffeinated or dark fruit juices/squashes before bed time which can irritate the bladder? If that’s all in order and the bed wetting is actually a significant problem in terms of managing it or distress for your child, then a good GP should talk to you about possible appropriate treatments such as desmopressin (a synthetic version of the vasopressin hormone) or bedwetting alarms (generally though these are better for children slightly older than 5 who are motivated to stop bedwetting). There’s heaps of information about bedwetting and potty training on the ERIC charity website www.eric.org.uk

Sorry your mother in law is being unsupportive - criticism is unhelpful and not what you need!

I can't tell you how much your message helped. Thank you so much.
She only drinks milk and water and occasionally has juice but not very often and definitely before bed. She's not distressed by it at all, my MIL is the only one with the problem.
I was a ate bloomer as far as being dry at night goes, so was my dad and his mum so you're definitely not wrong about it running in families!

Thank you heaps for your comments, they really do help me feel better. I shouldn't get so wound up by her but she often makes me feel like I'm not doing a very good job at motherhood. It's just been a hard year and she's not helping with comments like that. X

So sorry you’ve had such an incredibly tough time

It sounds like your mil is very behind the times with her thinking. I would say to her that you’ve taken her advice to check it, called Eric helpline and there is no concern at all in any child under 7 who is still not night-dry as this is normal.

With your three year old I would mention your thinking to the cancer nurse if you have one. I’m sure she will agree and you can then repeat to your mil.

My ds (hearing problems) wasn’t reliably dry in the day until he was 5 and while he toilet trained at 3 and a bit it wasn’t a great success at that stage. He is now in the juniors and is a happy boy who never has any wee accidents so they all get there in the end