Feeling undermined and now rather overwhelmed

[Clothbum]

DS is almost 2.6. We introduced the potty months ago and he would sit on it after having a bath to get him used to the idea. At the start of the summer we let him run around naked at home and encouraged him to sit on the potty to have a wee. He picked this up pretty quickly so decided to introduce pants, again this went well.

He’s been in pants during the day for the last 3 weeks or so. Sometimes he has good days and others not so good (last weekend he managed to stay dry all day whilst we were out which was the first time and he only had one accident at nursery on Tuesday but today and yesterday at nursery he’s had accident after accident). We’ve found that if he’s not interested in using the potty he’ll just pee in his pants. Likewise, we’ve not been able to crack poops yet.

He’s been at nursery today and had 5 accidents by lunchtime. As a result the nursery took it upon themselves to put him into a pull up to help him ‘gain his confidence’. I feel really dejected and slightly undermined by this

At home if he’s in the right frame of mind he’ll take himself off and pull down his pants and go for a wee but won’t tell us when he needs to go. If we’re out and about we have to stop every now and then and put him on the potty as he seems to get distracted, forgets and also doesn’t tell us he needs to go.

He knows that he’s meant to use the potty as when he has an accident we ask him ‘where do wees and poops go?’ and he’ll reply ‘in my potty’. He’ll also quite happily use it if he’s in the right mind to but when he doesn’t want to he will pee in his pants without batting an eyelid. He’s quite a head strong child and can’t easily be persuaded, it’s got to be if he wants to do it.

Half of me says I should give it a break and half of me thinks I should keep slogging it out and not admit defeat. DS is my first child and I’m feeling rather overwhelmed at the moment by the whole potty training thing. I had thought it would be getting better by this point but it’s still very much peaks and troughs rather than steady improvement.

Sorry for the long post, I’m literally at a loss as to what is the right thing to do for the best.

I think peaks and troughs are normal at this stage. What method are you using at home? Are you regularly reminding him or letting him come to you? Are nursery following the same routine? How many days is he in nursery?

We haven’t been following any method. We’ve just gone with flow really and encouraged and praised him when he’s used the potty which has been working well. At home he’ll quite happily take himself off although we do ask him regularly if he needs to go and remind him he needs to use the potty.

He’s in nursery three days a week. I picked him up this evening to be told that he’s starting to become quite resistant to going to the bathroom however, they also said they’re taking him every 10 mins! This seems way too excessive and not really surprising that he’s becoming discouraged - he’s spending more time in the bloody bathroom than he is with his friends playing!

We’ve got the bank holiday week off as a family so I’m kind of hoping some time away from nursery will do him some good and get his enthusiasm back again.

I think you need more of a strategy and then share that with nursery. Taking him every 10mins is not ok!

Personally I always recommend the Oh Crap book and if I were you, I'd go back to the beginning this weekend (no bottoms, watching for the sign he needs to wee, moving to the potty/toilet to link the feeling of needing to wee and actually moving). Then I'd move on to loose bottoms but no underwear. There's more to it than that (it's an easy read though!) and there's also a chapter on dealing with childcare.

I'd agree with the above. Oh crap is a great method as it gives the child the control.
I'd be pretty annoyed if someone was making me sit on a toilet every 10 minutes!
Speak to the nursery and ensure they aren't insisting he sits on the potty constantly. I'd also advise going bottomless for a day or 2 this weekend in the house and then commando once he's got the hang of it in the house. Give him little prompts and then when he's back at nursery be really clear about what you're doing at home and how you want it to continue there.
Unless you are on the same page you are likely to end up frustrated as they aren't doing the same as you.

Yes, yes to Oh crap method. I so or go back to the beginning and spend this weekend at home and for at least the first day keep him naked. If he starts to wee bit on the potty then pick him up and put him on the potty saying wee goes into the potty.

Thanks for the recommendation of the oh crap method, I’ll definitely have a look into it. By the reads of what you’ve said, we’ve followed the concept without realising it (no bottoms, loose clothes/pants when ready). At home isn’t the issue, he’ll happily use the potty at home so I fear the issue lies with nursery and them taking him so often.

I had similar with my nursery last week (a few days into training). The next time she was in I had a really good chat with his key worker about the way we were doing things at home and they are now following this at nursery. She is having very few accidents there now (whereas on the first day she didn't have one wee on the potty!