4.5 yo Ds with chronic constipation

[loveablether]

Right - (sorry for tmi but let's chat kids poo!)

looking for anyone who can relate or help out - my Ds has chronic constipation - he had a diary intolerance when younger but has grown out of it - but poo's have ALWAYS been an issue - he never just goes when he needs - there's constant drama with him sitting in a corner and trying to stop it coming out - hence constant skid marks.

Doc has given movicol - now instead of hard skid marks we have mess, mess friggin everywhere.

Things we've tried -

Sticker charts
No sweets
Taking away ipad (we used to use this as a way to get him to stay on the loo but this has backfired totally)
Daily Chats about listening to your body signs
Putting him on loo after meals
Sitting with him encouraging him to poo
Breathing exercises
Stomach massage

He's getting referred to a specialist but he's just not listening and still crouches in the corner even when he's messed himself several times a day.

I am at my wits end. Please tell me it gets better.

2 things you need to do, if you haven't already.

Google and read the ERIC website.
Google the Poo Nurses.

This problem can be tackled but it will take at least twice as long as the problem has existed.
It will take patience, self education and understanding.
You will also need to be open minded as to the causes and prior and current relationships and family dynamics.
It is a very stressful condition and the whole family needs to be on board for the long haul.

You mention "constant drama". This is completely counter productive and will make everything worse.

I know it is hard, but it can be fixed.

It sounds a bit like you're using punishments (no sweets, no iPad) for something that your ds can't control? Doesn't seem right...

I am as calm as possible as know that getting annoyed will only make things worse - thank you for the references I'll look them up

It can also be helpful to remember that your DS is anxious, unhappy and in pain all the time. He isn't deliberately causing a problem.

Anyone with any experience of this with their own children?

Yes.
The suggestions I have made are based on personal experience.

He's not "not listening"
When you have chronic constipation it means you actually loose some ability to control bowel and bladder.
Have you tried letting him have a pullup for poos, less mess for you to get stressed about, easier for him to let it out when it comes?
And yes this is normally a step taken until your child is confortable enough to go on a toilet and yes it comes from actual experiance.

Think about it- if he had a blockage in his digestive system which meant he involuntarily vomited, would you be invoking those same punishments?

After nearly 5 years there will be considerable physical and neurological damage to the bowel. This will take very careful treatment and long term rehabilitation.

But is is possible, don't despair OP. It is just going to take time and commitment.
Armed with the advice on ERIC and movicol you can get started on this straight away. NHS referrals take so long, it would be better all round to get on a treatment programme now.

The poo nurses video is excellent and really highlighted how long it can take to sort - thanks so much for the reference. I'm also going to show It to DH and grandparents who will benefit.

I think some posters took my post like I was punishing my child with no sweets and iPad - so to clarify - no sweets was more to encourage healthy eating which can only be a good thing, and he does still get the odd treat and the no iPad I meant when he's on the loo as I thought it was took much of a distraction.

Thanks for all the helpful comments anyway - I just have the odd day that I despair!