4yo - potty/loo phobia?

[HerculesMulligan]

DS has just turned 4 - he is bright, cheerful and (very) articulate.

We have been unsuccessfully working on potty training in significant spells for more than two years with literally no success. After months where we've made no progress, we have input at the moment from our HVs and from a potty training consultant, and we will be giving it another go next week.

DS can explain the process of using the potty/loo and the advantages extremely clearly and he talks a good talk. But all wees and poos are in his nappy/pants. We've narrowed it down to a psychological rather than physiological thing because he can stay dry for hours on end if he tries. But he won't use a potty or a toilet and will withhold bladder and bowel movements indefinitely in preference to releasing on the loo.

In every other respect, he is a 'good' boy - this isn't about defiance, or a lack of understanding - it feels more like a phobia. He will sit on the loo for as long we ask, and then hops off, pulls his pants up and releases.

Has anyone else dealt with this and resolved it? How did you find a breakthrough? DS starts primary school in September and I am very anxious about this.

I have no advice, but you are not alone, my DS is 4 late September and we are getting nowhere in regards to potty training, lucky for us school doesn't start for another year.

I will be watching this thread with interest. My dd was 3 in March, and if I even suggest using the potty, she screams no and runs away.
I have bought her unicorn knickers and flamingo knickers. I have bought her 3 different character potties in the hope that she will use them.
I had her in knickers all day yesterday, but she just weed wherever she was standing

No advice but interested here too, DS is nearly three and I know that's young but he has zero interest in the potty. He understands the process and what the advantages are (his verbal skills are very good for his age, although he is quite behind in other physical things) but just says he doesn't want to. I can't force him so not sure what the next step is?

Do you know what it is about the toilet that upsets him. My 5 year old has been through a 3 month stage where he would only use the toilet at home and school which has been a nightmare. In the end I got him a photo album and filled it with lots of photos of different toilets. Either it helped or he just grew out of his fear.

I tried running the tap then caved and have mine the tablet to play on. Mind otherwise occupied he released and went on the potty which we then went overboard about with praise :)
Good luck!!

We only got anywhere with distraction too - ipad on potty in the living room - ie. making it as much like the rest of his day as possible.

Of course then we had to get him out of the living room, but that was a separate problem.

DS1 had a genuine fear of falling in (his balance and muscle strength are poor - dyspraxia) - but that doesn't sound like it's an issue in your case.

I'm digging out some trick - something about whistling - something about blowing that makes it easier to poo (or possible distracts the child) - YES - it's a thing irishtimes - blowing bubbles on the toilet (err... dangerous and slippy.. but as a last ditcheffort?)

Similar problems here.

My eldest boy turned 4 recently. However up until the age of 3 years and 8 months we were having ZERO success with potty training. He just wasn’t interested.

We’ve made great progress in the last 6 months, primarily by using reward charts. He’s now dry and clean (mostly).

HOWEVER he’s terrified of public toilets. He just won’t use them. He’ll use the toilet in houses just fine, but will hold it in when we’re out and about. Like you say, there’s phobia there.

I’m off in July to cover his nursery holidays, so it’s my main mission. I’ll aim to do reward charts when we’re out and about. Literally everywhere we go will have a toilet trip at the start and end, with stickers on the chart simply for just going into the bathroom.

My dd is 11 and all is fine. I start off with that because I keep an eye on these posts after our experience with her as a baby and toddler. And at pre-school.
What will work for you, I don't know. Here's some of the things we tried:
Nappy unfolded onto potty. Rewards - not very successful. A poo party in the bathroom. Sitting on the loo blowing bubbles real or imaginary- it gets the right muscles working. Ignoring supermums with their potty trained babies at 9 months. A nappy for the half day at preschool. A (fake) relaxed and cheerful disposition rewarded with a glass of wine after dd was in bed.
Can't say which one worked but she was ready when she was ready.

PS - the supermums are lying. Not putting a baby in nappies doesn't mean potty trained. It means wee and sometimes poo everywhere but the loo and occasionally in the loo

We have a slightly different problem as our son (aged 4) would have a wee but not a poo on the toilet. Tbh there was no miracle cure (sorry op) he just literally took himself to the toilet one day and did it! Something I'd never thought I'd be writing after months of trantrums and tears!
However look up "tom and Emily" video on you tube. This got my son happy to talk about toilets etc....
it will happen! :)