Fear of potty/holding in

[SelfEmptyingDishwasher]

Help! Advice! Anything please (Offers to potty train my two and a half year old for me...?! )

We are at attempt 2 of potty training my 2.5yr old, first attempt was at Easter.
Both times at her own insistence - she wants to wear knickers/be grown up like Princess Polly (from the potty book)

BUT as soon as we take the nappy off she has one or two successful wee's on day one and then holds everything in for hours! 19 hours being the record so far.

She will happily sit on the potty and look at books, watch TV, play on the iPad, eat her body weight in chocolate buttons but nothing happens.

She gets to the point that she's so desperate to go she gets agitated and upset, won't sit still and just dances around the room.
I suggest the potty but sitting her on it is like trying to put a cat in a bucket of water.

I've read the Oh Crap book, she's been running around commando but she holds everything in until she physically can't hold it anymore and the flood gates open.

I managed to get her on the potty the last time started weeing, but she cried the whole time saying she doesn't like it.

I've tried talking to her about how much better her tummy will feel once she goes, and after she has been she says her tummy is better

What else do I do??!! I don't want to give up on attempt two and really confuse her - sometimes we can wear nappies, sometimes we have to use the potty.

Are you me? I could have written this word for word!

No idea what to do tbh! I’m in denial at the moment. As I feel the worst thing would be to make a big deal of it and make her anxiety about going on the potty worse. So we’ve just completely backed off and haven’t even mentioned the potty for weeks (even had to hide princess polly potty book!)

It’s so frustrating as I’m sure dd is ready (also 2.5). It’s like she totally gets the theory and knows she shouldn’t go except in the potty. But for some reason can’t let herself go on the potty.

This is also my 2.5 year old daughter! I've managed to get her sitting on the potty and now eventually the toilet but she will not go even if she really needs to. Spent ages last night reading books on the toilet then as soon as i put her nappy on for bed she said she'd done a wee!

Daughter was like this too - would a reward chart made at home help?

You don't need to sign up to the potty one online but just make your own and a small treat/reward after each successful pee or poo.

Our daughter is trained in day and nearly trained for night- she's 4 in November.

Could the loo seat also be catching her leg, we figured that out as she screamed and had trapped the skin at back of leg which is painful for kids?

Did she really hold her wee in for 19 hours?

What about trying the huggies pull ups? They have princesses on and at least she could practice pulling them up and down but without feeling the need to hold her wee in.

Try putting an open nappy on the potty.
If she's also holding in poo, try sitting on the potty and blowing bubbles real or imaginary. It gets the right muscles working . My dd blew a pretend bubble so big that it absorbed me and I, although I fake shouted, she couldn't hear me. Luckily the cat came along and popped it. For you, I recommend wine.
You will get there but it doesn't feel like it right now.

We started potty training dd2 (2.8) today after a couple of times of half arsed efforts and she doesn't like it either whereas dd1 got it first day at 2.5

So far we've had 2 wees on the floor and 3 in the potty which feels like a win, yes I've got low standards!

@LegoBitcho - nice one. Please, anyone who is struggling, ignore anyone who says it's easy and their kid was potty trained at 18 months. They are lying and have floors covered in poop and pee.

Oh wow, thank you so much for all your replies and new ideas.
We had given up on attempt 2 but are now on attempt 3 - day 4.
Current status: she will wear knickers all day and then asks/cries for a pull up when she needs to go for a wee/poo.
She will happily sit on the potty at anytime throughout the day when prompted, but says she is 'just practicing' and never lets anything go.
I'm now just aiming for getting her to sit on the potty/toilet with her pull up on and go whilst sat down.
Anyone else still struggling?

We’re gearing up for attempt number 4 this weekend. Tbh I’m not hopeful it’s going to go well but feel like we should give it a shot! Just desperately hoping I can get dd in the potty at all!

@graysor sending you loads of luck...and Gin
How old is you DD?
Maybe we should form a Potty Resisters Support Group

Thanks self!

Dd is 2.5. We start tomorrow morning. I’ll report back at the end of the day when I will definitely be in need of something, but annoyingly not gin, as 7months prep with dc2!

Definitely up for a support group!

How did today go @graysor?? Hopefully you've had some success We've had zero wee on the potty/toilet today
Lots of sitting and practicing, we have turned a small corner in that when she needs to go she will put a pull up on and sit on the toilet...but jumps off just as she's about to wee and stands up to do it
We've just had a little bedtime chat that tomorrow isn't a practicing day it's a weeing day, so fingers crossed for the morning!
Just off to pour a gin (sorry!)

Oh god, this brought back a flood of memories.

My DD would hold it in for hours and hours, and would only poo with a nappy on. She once went 5 days withholding.

So what we did was bribe. Bribe bribe bribe with god awful ugly princess dolls which she loved. We placed them next to the potty and she could only play with it when the poo was in the potty. Poo in the nappy meant that her little sister got the princess, and caused hours of tears.

Same bribe for moving onto the loo, and then finally for pooing with other people apart from us.

She's 4.5 now and poos perfectly. And her little sister seems to be a delight to potty train.

Remember, this too shall pass. Promise.

Ah yes, bribing to poo in the potty using princess dolls . Not just me then
It will pass. I really feel for anyone going through it.

Oh self, that sounds super frustrating. Fingers crossed for you for a better day tomorrow.

Today was a bit weird for us. But much much better than expected. As predicted dd will not sit on the potty when I tell / suggest / ask her to. She just refuses. I resisted using choc buttons as bribery today, as I thought I’d see how we go. But I have a bulk pack in hand!

She’s been bare bum all day but didn’t sit on the potty, or do any wees or poos for about 4 hours this morning. Despite eating and drinking plenty. Then all of a sudden she got all panicky and said poo poo mummy! I put her straight on the potty and she did a huge wee! Much delight all round! She got a special sticker for her efforts and was pretty pleased with herself.

Not long after she did a poo on the floor. But to be fair I had taken my eye off her and was in the other room. She told me straight away though.

Then nothing for about 5 or 6 hours . A couple or times she looked a bit like she needed a wee so I told her to sit on the potty. She wouldn’t so I left it.

Then eventually just before bath time she announced poo poo again. Got her on the potty just in time as she was squeezing something out. She did a poo and then happily sat while I read a story, and then did a wee.

So big success really. I’m just surprised she’s only done 2 wees! ( plus another in her nappy this morning while I was gearing up!)

No idea what tomorrow will bring. But I’ll take today as a win

I would just let her put the nappy/pull up on and tell her ‘well done for telling you’.
Just keep asking if she wants nappies or knickers.

It sounds like she’s physically completely ready in that she can recognise before she needs to go, communicate she needs to go and hold it in.
Once she decides she wants to do it, you’ll have no issues.

Tolieting and eating are one of the few things children have complete control over and for whatever reason she’s anxious over the toilet/doesn’t want to do it/wants to keep the control of deciding to wear a pull up/stand up.

I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, probably best not to even mention it, just matter of factly ask ‘knickers or nappy?’ Don’t keep asking if she wants to try on the toilet, maybe try next time, etc. Literally don’t mention it. She knows that she can go on the toilet if she wants to. I wouldn’t even do over the top praise if she does go, just be pleased and ‘you must feel proud of yourself’.

She will do it and it really doesn’t matter if it’s now or in a few weeks/Months.

@graysor that's an amazing success!! Well done DD! Sounds like she's more receptive to it this time round. And Poo's in the potty too!!

I think you're right @littledinaco I might stop pushing the issue. It's been nearly 6 days and we've had one wee on the potty, the rest have been after asking to put a pull up on.

She's not even having accidents to learn that having wet knickers isn't very nice and would be better to go on the potty.

Hopefully we'll get somewhere in the next 5 weeks before back to preschool!!

If she’s having no accidents and telling you every time, she’s doing great and obviously completely ready. It definitely sounds like an anxiety or control thing so either way the best approach is to take all the pressure off.

I would maybe take her into the bathroom when she asks for a pull up, tell her ‘thank you for telling me you needed to go’. Put the pull up on, leave the potty and toilet (with maybe a step/seat) available. Then just keep ‘popping out’, tell her you just need to get the washing,etc.
No fuss at all when she’s been in the pull up, not even praise (as some kids feel praise as pressure). Then ask her ‘knickers or nappy?’ so you’re giving her the control.

It’s really really tempting to keep mentioning the toilet to her but don’t, not even to say ‘ooooh mummy’s doing a wee on the toilet’ or ‘oooh, isn’t Betty clever, she does all her wees on the potty’.

Most importantly, tell yourself it doesn’t matter. It really, really doesn’t. At least you’re not cleaning wee up from the couch or floor multiple times a day! They pick up on so much more than you think, so if you are stressed over it, she will probably pick up on that.
Honestly, by the time they are all 5/6/7 it really doesn’t matter who trained when they were under 2 and who were older or how anyone got there or how long it took.
If she needs to do the same for pre-school, that’s fine too

Mine hated the potty, but she was much happier to use he toilet with a seat. This was a game changer for us. To this day (fully trained for 6 months now) she has only ever used a potty 3 times. Don't know what it was about the potty hat freaked her out, but as soon as she had the toilet option it was all done and dusted in a week for us. We have 2 pristine pourtys and a pristine travel potty in the cupboard. Oh well!

So i went with @littledinaco's plan today.
I put a little basket of knickers, pull ups and wipes next to her potty and one next to the toilet and other than showing her the basket so didn't prompt at all.
She wore knickers all day, and she jumped up and said a little bit of wee wee in my knickers Mummy, ran to the bathroom, took her own knickers off and handed me a pull up.
We put it on, she wee'd and took it straight off again, wiped her own bottom with a wipe from the basket and then without prompting picked some knickers and put them on herself!!!
So no wee in the potty at all but I'm pretty proud of her for that so def taking it as a win!
Hope your day went well again today @graysor and your DD is going from strength to strength.

That sounds great self. I really like that approach, giving your dd the option to do it herself. I’m sure taking the pressure off completely will make a difference.

We had a less good day yesterday, but that’s hardly surprising! Only 1/3 wees in the potty. She generally won’t sit on the potty at all if I tell her to, so I’m trying not to nag her often as that seems to make her more resistant. So we had 2 big wees on the floor. But I did catch one as she doing some classic wriggling and grabbing her bum and told her potty and almost straight away she did a wee.

No poo all day though, which is v unusual for dd. So I’m a bit concerned what today will bring!

That’s great OP, even better idea just showing her the basket. She sounds adorable and she’s honestly doing great, bet you’re really proud of her. I’m sure she’ll decide herself at some point it’s easier and quicker to go in the toilet than the pull up.