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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Feeling pressure but I don't think DS is ready!

4 replies

SheenaK · 18/05/2018 14:13

Hi all,

Apologies first for another "is my LO ready to potty train" post! I'm fairly certain I know that he's not ready, but I sort of feel like if I stop that I'm just giving up - and that other people will think that too.

Our DS is 2 and 7 months. We haven't had any problems with things in the past - he hasn't taken a bottle from 12 months old, we were able to move him from our bed to his cot, then to his own room easily, he had no problem moving from his cot to a "big boy" bed and we had no real trouble getting rid of his dummy. The last "baby" thing we have now is nappies.

I am currently expecting, with baby due at the end of July, so I thought that now would be an ideal time to try potty training - it would give us the initital time needed to get over the actual training, (I was expecting 4-6 weeks) and would have left him at least confident in using the potty before baby arrives. My mum has also been bringing it up a lot - I wouldn't say she's putting me under pressure intentionally, but she feels that children should be potty trained well before 3. She's not pushing anything, but she's mentioning it quite a bit.

Yesterday I decided I would give potty training a go. I had brought DS shopping for pants last week, and he chose the ones he wanted himself (dinosaurs!). I had been talking about his pants every day since we bought them, telling everyone that he had chosen "big boy pants" and was going to use the potty soon, to try and get him excited about it. After only a day and a half, I'm thinking of calling the potty training off for a while. I just really don't believe he's ready.

For a start, he was showing no real cues as to be ready - he doesn't tell us if he's wet or dirty, only when he's asked. While wearing his pants yesterday, he wasn't one bit bothered if he wet himself. Even sitting on the sofa, he had an accident and just sat in his wet pants on the wet seat. Today I tried him with no pants, and found he didn't dribble (yesterday we used all 10 pairs of pants because of little dribbles!) but he was still peeing where he sat and wasn't bothered by it.
The biggest sign that he's not ready, I think, is that he cries when I do put him on the potty. He doesn't want to sit on it at all. It's not a spoiled whinge or a tantrum, but an actual sad cry, and I'm worried I'll put him off ever using the potty if I keep forcing him to sit on it. We've had the potty in the house for months, where he's been aware of it and told what it was for, but he seems genuinely distraught when I put him on it. If I ask him to sit on the potty he tells me "no".

Even writing this out and reading it back, I just know that he isn't ready. But at the same time, I'm doubting myself. A part of me feels like I'm expecting results too quickly, being unrealisitc and giving up too soon, and that it would definitely be worth it if I could persevere. I know my mum will probably feel that way, even though I know she wouldn't say it, I'd still feel it. I'm probably putting more pressure on myself than I need to.

I think I just need validation of some sort - to hear experiences where persevering has worked, or if we should just wait. At the moment I feel like I'm doing more harm than good. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated, as I'm having a very hard time deciding where to go from here!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Robots1Humans0 · 18/05/2018 14:19

Have started my DS (2years8months) last week - I would recommend reading Sarah Ockwell-smith gentle potty training book. Even if you don't agree with her philosophy she has loads of useful tips. Have him bare-bum for a couple of days, then underwear, then trousers/shorts. Still use nappies for trips out(it gives him a break and I've found has led to less accidents as time has gone on). If you're going to use a travel potty, get him used to it in the house first before a trip out. However if he really isn't ready, don't pressure yourself before baby is here. You both need to be in a good place. My youngest is now 4months and I've only just been ready to tackle the potty! Those first few months with two babies are hard so go easy on yourself if it doesn't all go to plan xxx

Robots1Humans0 · 18/05/2018 14:22

Forgot to say - from him crying on the potty I would give both of you a week off at least to regroup, have some fun together while you decide whether to continue or wait a while. No one asks what age you were potty trained at! Good luck OP xxxxxxx

starpatch · 25/05/2018 17:45

Sorry op there is so much pressure from playgroup s etc isn't there. You said he is not ready so of course wait until you feel he is. I waited until mine was 3.3 and was very glad I did.

user1495997773 · 26/05/2018 13:18

I agree if you feel he isn't ready just put it off until you think he is, and that may be after your next baby is born. I did DS at 2y5m, he wasn't completely ready and it was a bit of a nightmare! DD was 2y7m but was ready, she'd got to grips with weeing in under a week! After 2 weeks we drove up to see my parents (3h30m) so I put her in a pull up as I knew she's sleep in the car... she did nap and we didn't stop en route but she was dry when we arrived there, I was amazed!
At the end of the day, you know your DS best, so if you don't think he's giving you signs he's ready, wait until you think he is.
Also, I have't read it myself, but a lot of people on MN recommend the 'Oh Crap' potty training book, so that might be worth looking at.

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