Really need some help with my 3yro

[Sophsmyth112]

I'm literally at my wits end with potty training. My dd turned 3 last month and we've had a few very unsuccessful attempts at toilet training. She has no interest at all in the potty so we have went straight to a toilet seat with step! She sits on it no problem actually seems to enjoy it, she asks to sit on it quite often but still won't go! I have her in pants and take her to the toilet every half hour to try and catch a wee because I genuinely think if she goes once in the toilet she will be so pleased with herself she'll want to keep it up! My two older kids toilet trained no problem at all, I've been doing everything exactly the same and then some. I tell her everyday wee wee and poop goes in the toilet not her pants give her lots of reassurance I've promised her treats and presents when she finally decides to go in the toilet. She's not scared of the toilet and she's a very clever child. Am I doing something wrong? Is there anything else I should be doing?? She will just wet herself with no problems at and not mind very much, really need any advice at all because I'm beginning to think she actually doesn't feel when she needs to go! Thanks

Sorry I’ve got absolutely no advice but just dropping in to say I could have practically written this post! Would love to hear some advice too

It's awful isn't it!! I genuinely don't know what to do anymore hopefully someone comes along and give us both some advice lol xx

Have you read or tried Oh Crap? Lots on here about this book/method on the potty training thread (it's how I found out about it) and I found it really invaluable, although others will be along soon to say how it didn't work for them!

This will be controversial on here but have you tried responding negatively to her accidents? I always think it must be confusing for kids to have negative reactions removed from situations, because that’s important information in itself. With all mine I’ve been very positive but when they have an accident communicate it’s undesirable. Tell them clearly what should have happened. Hug and move on. It’s always worked well. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, just keep going.

Haven’t tried any books yet I must admit. So far I’ve just been having conversations with other mum friends who’s children have all got it straight away and say it’s been much easier than expected! Sophsmyth112 is your LO able to speak about going to the toilet coz I often wonder if that’s a sticking point for us. She never says I need a wee or poo. Even after she’s done something in her nappy she just says I need a nappy change after it but if you ask beforehand when you think she’s about to do one she’d go quiet. We’ve been trying to get her used to the potty for a while with zero success so then bought toilet seat and have been home now for last 3 days with no success. If we’ve stuck a nappy on to go out quickly she does something in the nappy. Or we have an accident in pants. Don’t feel I want to keep going for too long in case she makes herself unwell with holding things in!

Honestly that is exactly the same!! She'll never say she needs to go and she never has even when she was in nappies. I'll ask her does she need to go to the toilet and she'll say yes every single time, we'll go and sit there for a good 10mins and she won't go! But could have an accident literally 2mins later and she'll just say "oh no I'm wet" I just don't understand it at all. It's just so frustrating isn't it? Obv we know it's not their faults their still only little but I feel more as if I'm doing something wrong now.
I've never heard of that book so I will definitely be ordering that and giving it a go I will literally try anything right now xx

I'd always recommend Oh Crap as well. It does suggest training between 20 and 30 months but there will be lots of useful tips in it and there's also a chapter about training older children.

A few things that stand out to me:

Chopping and changing with nappies is confusing and suggests to them that you don't trust them to not to wee - obviously you don't at this stage but you need to build the trust. Keep nappies for sleeping only.

Go commando if you're out, no bottoms at home. Underwear can give them the secure feeling of a nappy so you can get more accidents.

Don't phrase it as a question - they will answer no. Phrase everything as a statement 'I can see you need a wee. Let's go to the toilet.'

Think about how you're teaching them. There's a sequence for training - I have done a wee -> I am doing a wee -> I need to do a wee. Neither of your DC are at 'I need to do a wee' so you need to teach them the feeing of needing to wee means moving to the potty. Saying they need to go is far less important than them self-initiating and moving themselves. Where are your DC at the moment? Can they say that they have done a wee on the floor? Do they recognise when they are weeing? Then build from there by looking for the sign that they're about to wee, picking them up saying 'hold it' and move them to the toilet so that they start to connect the feeling of needing to wee with moving to the toilet.

If you need to, take a break and try another few days at home in a couple of weeks with more of a plan. You should start to see progress by day 2, if not on day 1.

My DS was a very reluctant potty trainer and this is what worked for me. Firstly I stopped making him sit on the potty - I told him it was up to him to sit when he needed to go. I found that he preferred this to me talking about it all the time, which I think made it seem a bigger deal to him than it needed to be. Secondly (and this is an idea I read on mumsnet), I filled a shoe box with little treats like stickers, pens, a tiny lego set, etc. This was called The Well Done Box - whenever he went he could chose one thing. It was quite an immediate form of reward and really motivated him, particularly as he knew what was in there so could look forward to his next treat. Hope you have some success soon!

Ok. Quick update from here. Day 5 and we’ve had one wee on the potty yesterday! Woopee! We told her beforehand there’s a little treat jar especially for pees n poos on potty. I know not everyone recommends rewards but we’ve decided to give that a go. Lots of praise and a little treat afterwards. She was delighted with herself. Since then we’re back to accidents but she knows when she’s starting to pee and makes a little oh noise and we run to toilet or potty. Then nothing unfortunately. I’m determined to stick with it a little longer to see if she gets the hang of it. I read a post somewhere about things to make them relax and have fun on the potty so I’ve just been out to buy bubbles (which she loves) and have told her they are special potty bubbles so she’s only getting to sit and blow them when on the potty. It seems a shame coz the sun is shining outside but she loves blowing bubbles so if it makes her relax on the potty for a few minutes it’s worth it. Very small steps!!! Sophsmith112 any luck with you?

Ok. Clearly I was getting too confident. Day 7 no further success and decided to take a break. Going to come back to it in another few weeks!!! Fingers crossed, 2nd time better luck.

Give her a big drink, then get her to sit on a potty in front of the tv with a packet of crisps.

When she does a wee go absolutely ott with praise.

This worked for us.