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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

3.3 year old potty refuser - should I go cold turkey?

11 replies

BigLittleRedOne · 10/04/2018 10:22

3.3 year old DS is now in the biggest size nappies money can buy, and is a very bright and articulate ball of energy. Under some pressure from his childminder and also a possible pre-school place, where they require kids to be potty trained.

We tried last summer and it wasnt a success - he did a couple of wees, rewarded with Smarties, but he started to get anxious and to hold his wees, got upset so we decided to stop and try again later. I had another baby in November so we kept well clear of that period, but now I think it's time to try again.

We've tried incentives (mostly chocolate based) and that doesnt work. He won't sit on the potty or on his toilet seat. He also fights us over nappy changes and is seeminlgly quite happy in a wet or even dirty nappy. We've done the shopping for new big boy pants, stickers on the potty... he just doesnt seem bothered at all, he seems to be quite resistant to changing anything.

Anytime we ask him if he'd like to sit on the potty or try a wee in the loo he says 'no thanks mummy', or 'in a minute'...

So my question is, should I go cold turkey? Childminder seems to think this is the way forward, but I dont want to make him freak out. He's quite a creature of habit and i'm concerned he'll get very anxious.

Anyone had similar experience? Any suggestions gratefully received!

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Adgirl2018 · 10/04/2018 12:37

Ditto. This is very similar to my situation and I’m not sure what the answer is. I’ll be watching with interest for all suggestions as I’m at a loss and don’t want it to become a bigger thing than it is already.
Sending you love and luck, such a minefield!

Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/04/2018 12:38

With ds 2.10 we chose his fav TV programme and pressed pause, he had to attempt a wee before it got played!!

ElspethFlashman · 10/04/2018 12:45

I think at that age its definately worth trying.

DS was exactly like that. Very polite but no budging. We went cold turkey over a Christmas. I drew a reward chart (copied from Google Image) with a train at one end of a track and a present at the other and he got a star sticker in each square and could see himself getting closer to the present.

He got the present in 3 days!

CookPassBabtridge · 10/04/2018 13:21

Our DS is turning 4 this month and has only been trained a month ago. I tried every so often but he just wasn't having it. Combo of being a very active busy kid, late speaker, touch of defiance and was never bothered about having a wet/soiled nappy! Pleased it's done as he has started at a nursery attached to a school where they don't change nappies.

Way I did it:
Didn't use potty, just toilet with kid seat on
Ipad
Treats
Fuckton of praise

He's still pooing in his nappy at night instead of the toilet but that's fine, as long as he is dry from when he wakes up until bedtime then it's all good.

fuzzyfozzy · 10/04/2018 14:26

Only thing I'd say is don't ask if they'd like a wee, because then they can say no.
Let's try for a wee and then you can (insert fun things here)
If he doesn't want underpants on I'd be tempted to try the naked route, hide the nappies and leave underpants a available.

Original poster

BigLittleRedOne · 12/04/2018 20:24

Thanks all. Interested to know from those who went cold turkey, did you just say, right no more nappies - or only nappies for sleeping in? Wondering how to introduce the idea again and am aware he'll protest and interrogate me on it! (someone has suggested saying there are no nappies in the house, but surely that will backfire come bedtime. Also, he'll probably ask if we can go to the shop to buy some!) Reluctant to make it about being a 'big boy' because he's not that fussed about that - he still sleeps in his cot!

OP posts:

CottonSock · 12/04/2018 20:27

We just went cold turkey... then she got diarrhoea!. We stuck at it with sweet bribes and it took a while but we got there.

MrsChaffinch · 12/04/2018 20:46

We did this 2 months ago. DS was 3.7 and with school in September, I wanted him comfortably out of nappies by autumn. He’d resisted a few gentle attempts prior to that, and I was partly thinking ‘he’ll get it when it’s ready’ and partly ‘I really want him out of nappies.’

A couple of days before we stopped nappies I said ‘no more nappies at the weekend!’ and kept it quite casual. As my son is quite big and tall we went straight to using the toilet with a kids seat on, rather than a potty. He had accidents (wees and poops) for about 3 days and then the magical words ‘mummy! I need a wee!’ were said and that was it. He’s cracked it totally now.

We do lift him to wee at night, at 10pm and he stirs naturally around 2am so we take him then too (I’m bf his baby sister so I’m often up then anyway). Puppy pads (£3 for 30 in Wilkos) under a sheet have been brilliant if he has had a wee. Apparently there’s a hormone that controls night dryness but I wanted to do away with nappies altogether so we’ll carry on until he can manage to be totally dry at night.

Good luck!

CanalCruiser · 13/04/2018 12:20

I'm watching this with interest too. My Ds is 2.9 & has a school nursery place in September. He is great at being naked down below & doing all wees on potty but refuses to go nappy-less when getting dressed so I haven't cracked nappies out of the house. I've tried just joggers or just undies in the house but he just takes them off. Is happy to be clothed with a nappy on. I've been waiting for better weather to try & force the issue but am starting to panic a little after seeing so many of you have older ones not quite there yet. I don't think they'll change nappies at the school nursery.
My previous 2 children started playgroup as soon as they were 2 & had both cracked potty training within half a term. Both girls though & seeing others going to the loo at playgroup will have helped. My boy doesn't like playgroup so I haven't pushed him to go, I'm not working & I feel so guilty leaving him for no reason.

tomhazard · 13/04/2018 15:01

I went cold turkey with all of mine when I thought they were physically ready. So no nappies during the day we 'gave them to the babies'. And then change from nappies to pull ups at night and call them 'night pants/knickers'.
Then a ton of chocolate button briberies and a lot of praise and they all got there fairly swiftly. There is often a bit of anxiety from them for a few days while they get used to it but they will be fine if you just keep at it.

VaselineOnToast · 26/04/2018 15:50

I posted something similar recently - my son is 3.5 and was potty trained for pee for an entire week but then all of a sudden started refusing to go and begging for nappies. No bribes whatsoever work...

We tried going cold turkey but even when he was desperate for a pee (jumping up and down holding his crotch shouting "Put a nappy on me!"), he would not go on the toilet/potty and instead purposely wet himself. He will also not poo on the toilet at all - I didn't want to get into a situation where he became constipated.

Good luck...!

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