Potty training and childminder

[Littlecaf]

Our DS is 3 in a few weeks and I just dropped him off at the CMs and she said that we really need to crack on with potty training as she’s never had one who hadn’t done it before 3! She’s been childminding for 30 years!

I’m at a loss really because since last August we’ve tried on 3 separate times to crack it, staying in for a few days, big boy paints, reward charts etc and although he’ll go first thing and last thing on the potty and when I change a nappy we can’t seem to “convert” it to all day. He gets upset if he has an accident and demands a nappy back on. I know everyone says to wait and he’ll just do it, but the CM thinks he should be done by 3. I’ve bought to oh crap book but not read it yet.

Any advice? Is my CM bonkers? (She’s fab in every other way). He know he’s doing a wee or a poo and is ok in general with a potty and pants. I think it’s a combination of convenience with a nappy & shyness in asking. (He’s outgoing at home but quiet around others).

How come the CM thinks he should be TTd by 3 when she herself has never TTd a child who isn't yet 3?

Have I misunderstood you?

Definitely read the book!

My advice would be follow the book, ditch the nappies, no pants for the next few weeks (the book explains why) and you'll get there!

PersianCatLady - all her minded kids have TTd before 3 if that makes sense.

I think I just need confidence that he’ll do it and that the book works. Thanks

I'm two minds about this "wait until they are ready" stuff.

I fear it's sometimes used as an excuse for people to put off potty training with the hope that the child basically potty trains themselves.

It sounds like your DS understands what is happening. It will just be a case of knuckling down and getting on with it. He may kick off a few times and have accidents, but remain positive and he'll get there eventually.

Thank you custardcream1988 - yes I think he’s ready, he knows what’s going on, maybe I just need to get on with it. He gets v upset if I gently ‘push’ him though. He’ll use it first & last thing and sometimes when I change his nappy in the day but physically getting pants on him or a nappy off him is challenging without tears. I’ll read the Oh Crap book, I know lots of pp swear by it. The CM just threw me by saying he’s behind when I Although I knew he wasn’t first, but half his peer group aren’t trained yet either.

I agree custard. I think there are two ways of potty training: either you actively teach them (not force/reward/bribe/cajole!!) or you wait for them to teach themselves.

Oh crap is about teaching them op, so don't expect it to be a passive process. But it doesn't have to be a massive stress! Read the book and see what you think (it's very quick to read the first few chapters). I'm always happy to help with the Oh Crap stuff if I can.

Yes, your CM is correct - most kids are toilet trained by 3 - because most pre-schools won't take kids in nappies unless they have medical/special needs.

This is changing because of "they'll do it when they are ready"... also think this is not necessarily a good thing.

It is called Toilet TRAINING for a reason though - it requires input, and it helps if all are on the same page - so if you are ready, it sounds like CM is. If you are not, then let her know.

How is it not a good thing to let kids do it when they’re ready? If they’re ready it’s not a battle and you don’t get barely any accidents. You still have to guide and teach them at whatever stage, it’s just much quicker and much less stressful if they are really ready.

PersianCatLady - all her minded kids have TTd before 3 if that makes sense
I see what you are saying but I don't believe your CM though.

Is she honestly saying in 30 years of CMing that every child she has ever looked after has always been fully TTd by the age of 3??

Maybe she is forgetful or exaggerating??

I agree with everything you've said steeley. Potty training shouldn't involve a lot of accidents if the child is ready and if the adult is 'training'. However for me the issue is readiness. I now don't believe a child is has to be able to say they need to wee in order to be ready to potty train. To me, that's them training themselves. Readiness to me is being able to follow an instruction, being able to know what they want and don't want to do and being physically able to get onto a potty/toilet independently and push trousers down. So it just depends on your interpretation of being ready.

My 2 year old can tell me he’s pooed and do all those things but is not ready to be potty trained yet. Emotionally he is not ready. I will be trying shortly as I have a new baby due but I don’t think it will be nearly as fast and tantrum free as his older brother who was closer to 3.

Obviously depends on the child. My DD was 22mo, took less than a week (had a cluster feeding 6 week old at the time as well). She knew she didn't want nappies on but had no idea what to do, but she got that idea within the first day. I completely understand why you're saying what you're saying, but Oh Crap did completely change my perspective on potty training and when it is the 'right time'.

Good luck when you do tackle it - and with the baby!

Is the book available on kindle? I may have a read. Need all the help I can get with my stubborn ds2!

Yes I just have it on kindle. Honestly I'd really recommend it. Only problem with it is it's a bit over the top American but if you can overlook that, it's a good read! 😂

Thank you all for your responses.

“forgetful or exaggerating??” yes, in 30 years I can’t believe she hasn’t had a child who is over 3 in nappies either! It shocked me as I know at least 6 kids who’s parents said they weren’t potty trained until 3-4!

Absolutely agree that children are likely to train more easily when they are more accepting of the idea to move from nappies to pants and use the potty/toilet.

However, I still think some parents use the "they aren't ready" card as an excuse to delay training until they are well into their third year or even older. I think then sometimes parents are faced with more stubborn young children, again put it down to them "not being ready" and the cycle goes on and on until the nursery trains them for them.

OP, you sound like a sensible parent who wants to try and crack it. Good luck! He will get there.

It shocked me as I know at least 6 kids who’s parents said they weren’t potty trained until 3-4!
Exactly!!

“OP, you sound like a sensible parent who wants to try and crack it. Good luck! He will get there.”

@custardcream188. You’ve just made my week!

Quick update - we did a 90% version of the first few blocks of the “Oh Crap” method last week. First three days - hell on Earth, then on the fourth day he asked to use the potty unprompted and has continued like that since. No accidents in the last two days. So pleased. If you think your child is ready, just go for it. Thanks for all your advice, I just needed confidence that we’d get there.

Excellent update little! Well done to you and your DS!

Yeah! Well done little and DS.