DD aversion to potty training getting worse

[officerjudyhopps]

DD (2.10) will not entertain the idea of the potty or toilet.

We've had a couple of tries at 'training' which basically consisted of her holding her wee for hours on end and getting really quite upset and anxious about it. So we went back to nappies (the second time we tried she woke in the morning practically begging for a nappy rather than knickers).

It seemed like she was keen to start - she chose a potty, toilet trainer seat, knickers, stickers for reward chart etc. on her own and seemed excited to be a 'big girl'.

We've offered all manner of bribes - including milkybar buttons which she will do practically anything for (except sit on the potty/toilet!!) and bought a particular book she really wanted and have said that we can read it if she'll sit on potty or toilet (doesn't have to wee/poo, just sit on it). But she is having none of it.

Just a bit worried as it seems to be getting worse. At first, she'd willingly sit on the potty/toilet, though she wouldn't actually release the wee (except for a few drops) and the discomfort caused by this had her in tears and she was inconsolable.

Then, she'd be happy enough with no nappy off but wouldn't sit on the potty/toilet regardless of what we offered her or how desperate she clearly was. She just flooded her nappy at nap time/overnight (but she did seem less upset about it).

Now she cries/screams if we suggest wearing knickers and no nappy. We're gently encouraging and the potty etc. is always available and in sight but she doesn't seem to be budging at all.

In hindsight I wished that we hadn't gone back to nappies the first time but believed the 'if they're ready, it will be easy/take 3 days' advice which is dished out regularly. Now it seems that she's more reluctant to try it than ever.

She's really quite particular and set in her ways - everything has it's place, stickler for routine, etc. so worried that the longer she is in nappies and 'afraid' of toilet/potty, the harder it will be to break the habit.

Has anyone had this or similar? Is it likely she'll just decide one day that she doesn't want nappies anymore or do we need to encourage it more? I don't want to stress her unnecessarily.

Sorry this was long. Thanks so much for any advice.

[Jenijena]

Waves hello!

Ages about 25 months DS sat on a potty in a holiday place and randomly did a wee.'ooh' thought I, 'this might be easier than I expected'.

For the next eleven months, nothing - and I mean nothing - could get him close to a potty or toilet. His nursery key worker thought he'd be moving into the pre school room in nappies, he wouldn't look at a potty (they're for big boys, apparently).

And then, the weekend before his third birthday, he had bad nappy rash. I told him if he used a toilet he wouldn't have it and that was it - minimal accidents (in fact we get more through distraction now, two years later)

It's fine, just rest it for a while...

[Bluntness100]

My daughter point blank refused to use a potty. Used it once, refused to ever again. Seemed affronted at the mere idea of it. She did however use the normal toilet with a child's seat on it.

The key for us was understanding when she knew she had to go, telling us, then we would take her to the loo and wait with her.

Can she tell you when she needs? Does she herself know?

[Bananalanacake]

My DD is also 3 in September, she simply refuses to tell me when she needs a pee or poo. my mil looks after her once a week and she comes home with no nappy, resulting in a wet sofa. I know not to pressure them as it causes distress, she has to tell me she needs to go so I can take her, any ideas.

[officerjudyhopps]

Thanks for the replies!

I'm think she does know when she needs to go and she used to tell me sometimes but has stopped - think she worries that if she tells me I'll suggest the dreaded potty or toilet!

I'm hoping that a sit and wait approach will pay off. She is starting playgroup next month and maybe seeing the other children using the toilet will bring her round to the idea?

[Sophsy]

We got so close with DD - she only had a few accidents then suddenly decided she wanted to be in nappies. She's also 3 in september and I'm expecting DS in October so I'd really like her to be trained but she's really resisting it at the moment - not even sitting on the potty.

I'm glad I'm not alone, but it it stressful!

[MoreTeaPenguin]

@Sophsy - we potty trained DS about 6 months before DD was born, DD arrived DS promptly regressed and weed all over the place for ages! Pretty much every time I fed DD I'd have a puddle to clean up afterwards IIRC. So maybe don't get too stressed about training before new baby arrives! They all get there in the end, so do what you can to make life easy in the meantime :)

[Sophsy]

That's my concern, but it's at the stage when almost all of her friends are trained and I get "She's still in nappies!" as she's quite advanced in her language and knows when she needs a wee/poo. It honestly seems like stubbornness, which is frustrating.

[LenGoodmansPetLlama]

*Poo Goes Home To Pooland
*
DS (three next month) watched it once - job job. Heard lots of other parents swearing by it

It's an app - designed by NHS

[Jennypug]

My son wasn't potty trained until 3yr4m. I had no end of comments and was starting to worry. We tried for around. Year on and off bit he seemed genuinely distressed by it. The last time we tried he just got it, immediately. All wees and poos were done on the toilet without needing prompting. He had literally no accidents and is dry day and night.
Basically I have no advice on how to toilet train because I was atrocious at it but just want to say don't panic! I do believe now they all get the hang of it in the end.

[thethoughtfox]

Would she try sitting on the toilet but wearing a nappy? So still doing her pee in the nappy but getting used to the toilet. A poster on another thread did this and then started cutting holes in the nappy so dc had the security of wearing one but the wee went in the toilet and over time cutting more and more of the nappy away.

[officerjudyhopps]

Thank you for the tips - will see if she'll consider sitting on the toilet with her nappy on. Will also get that app, will try anything to see if it works.

It's good to hear that others have had similar experiences, it feels like every other toddler we know are already out of nappies but DD just refuses.

[officerjudyhopps]

I wanted to resurrect this thread so that if someone searches for potty training advice they find a resolution.

Basically the ‘wait for a bit’ approach worked like a dream for us - we stopped stressing but kept mentioning it casually and DD woke up one day and decided that she would wee on the potty, hurrah!

We had to take it little step by little step - we had wees on potty, then poos on potty, then wees on toilet, and finally poos on toilet.

DD eventually agreed to the potty with a nappy laid out on it and to be honest clean-up wise, it was great! All wee/poo in nappy, wrap it up and discard as usual (obviously this isn’t ideal environmentally but very easy).

It’s taken several months but we’re just on nappies during the night/naps now (sometimes dry, sometimes wet but can’t rush that so aren’t worried about it).

It’s taken A LOT of bribery but we’re finally there (or thereabouts) and the advantages of training late and/or having a child reluctant to wee or poo means almost no accidents.

Just wanted to share for others who think (as I did) theirs will never get it or that they’re doing something wrong. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!