Daughter with holding poo

[Taler]

My DD (2 and a half) has recently started wearing knickers. She is doing wees in the toilet and potty pretty well, mostly asking when she needs to go or taking herself off there. So no complaints there.

The problem is with the poos!

I know it's common for little ones to take longer with their poos but just wanted some advice as she says she needs a wee (but think she means poo when she says this) so I'll sit her on the toilet and moments later she says she wants to get off, so we get off but then not long after she says she needs to go again (and does look uncomfortable).

She has pooed on the toilet before but it was lucky as DH caught her just in time and put her on there. We of course made a big fuss of her, have done chocolate buttons and even have a bucket of toys (pound shop toys) but nothing is working.

I let her go 3 days without pooing (so just left her in knickers the whole time) and no surprise she was really sluggish by day 3 and clearly uncomfortable. Ended up asking her if she wanted me to put a nappy on her so she could poo, to which she said yes and lo and behold shortly after she pooed.

i don't want to confuse her by putting her in knickers one minute and then pull/ups the next but my priority is that she poos.

Any suggestions for anything I could be doing?

TIA

[lilyfire]

Download Poo goes to Pooland and read it to her. Totally worked for my nearly 3 yo when I was potty training him.

[Lindorballs]

I feel your pain. My DD (2.9) is exactly like this. Cracked the wees pretty quickly a couple of months ago but we're still having a big problem with poos. She withholds them and jumps on and off the potty as if somethings bitten her bum. At nursery she just poos in her knickers. She's been on a gentle laxative since she was a baby for constipation so I have upped the dose to try to prevent withholding (as advised by the ERIC website) and she has been doing a tiny bit better this week. Something to think about maybe if your DD is withholding. I'm having a really potty focused weekend this weekend to try to crack this. I've got a smiley/sad face chart which will reward (or not) good and bad pottying behaviour and jar of treats for her choose from for poos in the potty. I think they like pooing standing up if that's what they are used to. I have tried: sticker charts, poo goes to pooland, books about potty training, tv and books while sat on the potty, buying fancy new knickers, no knickers, nappies, ever escalating bribery, shouting :( I'm thoroughly fed up but just remind myself they will get there eventually. She won't be pooing her pants when she's 10 right?!

[Taler]

Lilyfire, just checked that out! It's sooooooo funny! One of the funniest things I've ever seen! Not sure I'd be able to read it to DD without bursting out laughing

[WhatTheActualFugg]

OP put the nappies back I her, maybe those pull up ones so she can have a wee on the loo when she wants.

She's still very young. The very last thing you want to do is put her off having a poo. Trust me, I've been there! My DS struggled from 2 1/2 to poo on the loo. It very quickly gets worse and worse. He ended up being so compacted he was leaking poo juice from the sides. He is now on permanent Lactulose and has a very nasty tear up his anus which causes him extreme pain if he gets bunged up again.

If she's not ready, leave it for later.

[Polyethyl]

Same situation. DD is 3 and half. No answer.

[elgol]

Eric is a wonderful website. Agree that holding on is not a good thing. Impaction is not a straight forward deal.

Ds2 has been on movicol for constipation since weaning. He is nearly 5. Potty trained for wees in a week, poos took about 6 months.

Not wanting to poo on the loo is common. Ds was quite frightened by the idea. Go with little steps. Nappy on to poo when needed. Then nappy on when sitting on the loo or potty. Then nappy undone but still catching poo (this one is easiest on the potty!). When happy, try without the nappy.

Some people go with a complete bare bum!

We rewarded every little step, broke it down into little steps. Took longer but he has been clean and dry, independent on the toilet, from 3.5yrs. No holding on or impaction.

[wiccamum]

Just for some reassurance- my dd was the same. Held in her poos, hid behind the sofa with eyes watering as she desperately held it in. I went through the crying, the calls to the doctor, paediatric Movecol ( it works!) and every trick in the book. It just took time. Gradually it just seemed to fall in to place. It seemed to take forever, but they will get the hang of it. She was just scared it will hurt! I found encouraging her to lean forward on the loo ( it does help...gets the bowel in the right position) and I would give her a hug while she did a poo.

She is now 9 years old, healthy and happy...and no poo worries.

[elgol]

And don't read the threads where children don't go out for a week after which they are fully toilet trained. Works for some kids. Like all things to do with child rearing, one method doesn't suit all.

[elgol]

Yy to the leaning forward! And pretending to blow bubbles can help.

[WhatTheActualFugg]

By the way, I attempted to train my DS at 2.5, wees no problem, poos big problem.

However my DD we just went all out with bare bum at 20 months and she was fully trained in pants in 3 weeks.

Just goes to show how different children can be.

[wiccamum]

I remember calling the GP on a weekend. First time we were prescribed Movicol. My DD hadn't had a poo for 7 days!! GP said " oh dear, we've got get a poo out of that little one!". He was really understanding and made me feel like this was quite a common thing. I was still giving my girl the odd hug on the loo until she was about 6 or 7, if she got a bit bunged up. At the time I just couldn't see an end to it. But as my Dh once said, she's not going to be heading off to Uni in a nappy, it just feels like at the time like its never going to happen, but it will x

[SalemsLott]

One of my dds done the same. The ERIC website is really helpful. I was referred to a play therapist who suggested blowing bubbles whilst on the toilet, apparently the blowing helps to open the bowels, plus it helps with any anxiety associated with the toilet. That, and lactulose (she suffered constipation) eventually worked. Good luck everyone in a similar position.

[Lindorballs]

If she'll have a nappy back on I'd be tempted to go for that just when she seems like she might do a poo. Mine won't wear nappies except for sleeping anymore. I've made her put one on when we're in an awkward situation and she seems like she might do a poo but it's a real battle. Don't let it get to that stage if you can avoid it. I'm going for bare bum as her preference seems to be for pooing in the knickers and she really doesn't want to poo on the floor. She's absolutely obsessed with hygiene and cleanliness. I'm hoping a bare bum weekend combined with increased movicol will crack it. I think (and I fail miserably at this myself) it's important to try not to show too much stress to them. They latch onto that and either become quite stressed themselves or see it as a good attention seeking tactic esp if you've got another baby (I don't but have seen friends have this problem)

[wiccamum]

I tried giving my DD one of her fave cuddly toys to hug. It encouraged her to lean forward and acted as a bit of comfort for her. Her favourite one was a big dog called Hamish. If she needed a poo but was struggling, I always knew it would come if she said " can I have Hamish?". She would give him a big squeeze and whollop...kids dropped off at the pool!!

[Taler]

WhatTheActualFug oh my goodness that sounds awful!

I have been wondering about keeping her in pull-ups so she can still wee on the toilet but don't want to confuse her.

Plus how do I explain in simple terms to her that she's not gonna be wearing knickers, will now be in pull-ups but that we ideally want her to still use the toilet but it's also ok to use her pull-up???

[SleepyRoo]

Lactulose (mild laxative in syrup form) was the only thing that worked for us (at age 3). It helped her understand the mechanics of what she had to do, somehow.

[Passmethecrisps]

My dd went into pants last summer at 2.5. She got peeing immediately and had a couple of poo accidents before developing an anxiety about pooing.

If she seems happy with peeing I would not go into pull ups personally. I offered my dd nappies to poo in, lined they piker with a nappy and such like but none of it worked.

We got GP advice and movicol. It takes a long time to get past the emotional stuff for those who seem concerned (plenty of my pal's kids couldn't care less) so making poo softer and easier to pass (and harder to hold) is a good start.

We got everyone on board - childminder and nursery - so there were stickers and treats abound whenever there was any poo in the toilet.

At 3.5 we appear to be over it and pooing is a happy event.

Be patient and work with your own child's needs. Good luck!

[Passmethecrisps]

I linked the toilet not the pinker. No idea what a pinker is!

[TheUnsullied]

I was hoping for some magic solution here...we're day 2 with no poo.

Can I get lactulose over the counter?

[Passmethecrisps]

Any fluid is good and maybe try something like kiwi fruit or prunes?

Not sure is lactulose is available over the counter.

My dd got to 7 days without poo and it was utterly miserable. She was listless and in pain much of the time and it took over our lives for a wee while. She would do the tip toe poo dance when one was pending.

I say this to encourage getting support and not being afraid to seek medical intervention. I felt daft taking dd to the doc initially but he was terribly sympathetic and was able to offer a lot of support.

[wiccamum]

Lactulose over the counter, but talk to the pharmacist. Movicol prescription only. Don't fret, 2 days is ok. 2 days without a poo is not panic stations.

Hang in there, no magic solutions. As PPs have said, what works for some doesn't necessarily work for others.

[TheUnsullied]

Yep, 2 days is nothing I know. But she used to be able to go 10 days when she was tiny. Regular massage fixed that. I wonder if that'll help too.

[wiccamum]

oh yes to tummy massages!

[WhatTheActualFugg]

OP does your DD happily, easily and immediately do a poo in her nappy when it's out back on?

I would be inclined to just say, here are big girl nappies. Go to the toilet when you want, use the nappy when you don't. And leave it there, don't push it.

She's already 'confused' because she's already holding off from using the loo. Go any further and you might find she won't go in a nappy either once she's had to pass a hard stool.

How long sine she had her last poo?

If she's constipated now go to a pharmacist for some over-counter Lactulose until she's cleared herself then just keep her regular - which by the sounds of it means keeping her nappy on.

There is no need to feel like you shouldn't or can't co back to nappies for poos. She's still young. I've know mums to be devastated that their DCs at 3.5 aren't trained but come when they're 5 it's a long distant memory.

Once deciding to go 'no nappies' with my DS I tried to keep at it regardless of the fact he clearly wasn't ready and it's the worst parenting decision I've ever made. I wish I'd totally left the entire potty/toilet concept alone until he told me he was ready.

[Taler]

Thanks for all the responses. Some interesting and good advice here :)

DH has magic hands so he's the one that does the tummy rubbing. He'll have another go in the morning.

Agree most important thing is that she poos. Just don't wanna confuse her either and not sure how to explain to her in the morning that she'll b in pull-ups, that we want her to still wee in the toilet but poo in her pull-up.