still having accidents at 4

[hecticmum007]

Ds1 is 4 and still has quite a few accidents in his pants, he holds it too long and then when he realises its too late he has wet himself any advice?

A full-on wet or more of a leak? I had a problem with DS leaking every time he needed a wee because he left it until he couldn't hold it any longer to run to the loo. Sometimes I'd see a wet patch developing and promt him to go, but it was never a total bladder emptying. I asked parents of all his friends, and leaving it to the last second was (in my very small sample!) very common in the boys and non-existent in the girls. That said, none of them were actually having accidents of any sort, so it was of no help to me.

I had to remind him constantly to go to the loo, which obviously helped but didn't tackle the root of the problem. It magically cured itself as soon as we started doing night-time toileting (still in pull-ups for the occasional wetting, but going to the toilet at about 11pm to empty bladder and generally staying dry after that). Could be a total coincidence, or it might be that his awareness of his bladder stepped up a notch as a result.

It's not unusual at 4 to be having continence problems, even if it's just down to laziness/absent mindedness/being distracted. One good tip I saw on here was to get him to choose some really nice underwear with his favourite character on, and then give loads of praise and encouragement for keeping that character dry. Might be worth a try?

Sometimes its just leak but he does have complete accident often, even considering pull ups again

Don't worry they all eventually grow out of it, be very careful not to add any extra stress to the situation, as it will only make it worse.

Just make sure he goes to the loo before you leave everywhere and carry lots of extra clothes.

It just seems like forever when you are in the middle of it.

We had a problem with one who went on for far longer, due to a fear of dirty loos mostly school loos, she just would try to hold until she got home.

He had three accidents yesterday and two today once when he woke up he didnt manage to make it to toilet and then once when he was engrossed in playing

Some children just don't "hear" the alarm call especially when they are busy, it will get better, thank goodness for washing machines, just give him massive amounts of praise when he makes it, and a simple 'oh dear, lets get you cleaned up' when he doesn't.

You can always check he hasn't got an infection with the GP, but it if very normal and some day this will be be a long time ago, and be replaced by something just as annoying.

He wets the bed still but uses the toilet in the morning but sometimes doesn't make it, he asks for pull ups if we go out I say no but DH said maybe we should let him as he wet himself at shopping the other day but it seems weird letting him wear them

What ever makes him comfortable, he may be asking for pull ups, because he realises he isn't getting the message in time, don't let him get disheartened.

I got off really lightly with all of my children until the last one, who just didn't wake or get messages from her bladder, I know quite a few children who have struggled until quite a bit older than your DS, they simply cannot do anything about it until they are quite a bit older, just go with it for stress free results.

oh and ask your parents, MiL found the cause of our situation, DH had major problem for years, I believe it may be heredity as many friends who had a child who wet beds or didn't get to loo in time had a parent who struggled with the same problem. DD was pleased to know her dad had been a bed wetter, and she did get over it eventually. (but I still keep a mattress cover on as she can still occasionally when over tired sleep wet the bed about once every six months (age12))

If he asks for pull ups again I will let him, he wears night time ones anyway so will pick up pack of pull ups for him. DH wet the bed until 6 and had his last daytime accident at 8 but hadnt had one side he was six. If he asks today I will let him wear nighttime one
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We are going to his nans today which is 1 hour car ride and he asked for pull up and we said its just incase he can't make it and don't just wee in it well he went before we set off but didnt wee much, half way through journey he said I really need to wee but when we got to toilet he had already wet

Sounds like he is trying to be aware, just keep reassuring him he will get there eventually, and you are very proud he is trying so hard.

He wet himself again when we got home, he wants to wear pull ups again so he doesnt get embarrassed, he is in pull up now as hes ready for bed but we get him to try and wee again before bed, when he stayed at his nans the other day she said she let him wear pull up but told him to ask if he needed toilet but he told her then couldnt hold it and soaked his pull up, DH looked after him while I went shopping and he said DS said he needed a wee but thirty seconds later on the way to toilet he wet himself again

Anyone got anymore advice hes in pull ups at moment

This is the sort of thing that would appeal to my 4 yr old, so might be my next step in your situation. How about a cheap digital watch for him to wear (which he could help choose), and would be very 'grown-up' and exciting. Set 1/2hour alarms on, and make a game of him having to go for a wee when it alarms (you could even both go, and have to race to the toilet or something, make it fun). If his pants/pull-ups are continually dry then gradually stretch the time out. If it doesn't work then nothing is actually lost because it was just some fun, not something he felt any pressure to acheive.

Might try that as yesterday he wet his pull up 4 times, twice when distracted by games, once as he rushed to toilet and didn't make it and once when we were watching film, he managed one wee in toilet

Dry on Friday but two wet pants on Saturday, once when he was watching TV got to busy and once in bathroom he didn't drop his pants fast enough, hes wearing pants again now

Hi OP, can I ask how your DS got on in the end with his toileting?
My DS is nearly 5 and we're still having accidents. He's just started reception.
I feel powerless to help him as it seems nothing works.

@sarahanddig this might be cold comfort but I came across this thread because I’m going through exactly the same thing. My son has also just started Reception and has had a huge regression. 99% of the time he’s just late in getting to the toilet but today he just stood and weed. I’m so upset with it.

@hecticmum007 do you have an update at all please? I’m still desperate!!