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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

What if they just don't want to use the potty or toilet?!

25 replies

123Jump · 01/09/2015 13:20

Hi, apologies as already have a thread going here, but have had some progress.
DS is 3yo, just turned. I do think that he now knows when he is going to the toilet, but he just will not use the potty or toilet. He has older brothers who show him how to do it, he likes to watch. he just doesn't want to do it himself!
Should I just scrap nappies and do pants and let him pee/poo himself, and say never mind, maybe next time?
He doesn't even want to be picked up and brought to the loo after he has had an accident?
i have been very relaxed, never mind, oops a daisy,etc. But He was supposed to start play school today, has been postponed,as they want him dry. Although I have seen the threads where people say they cannot refuse them. Don't want to start him off though on a negative footing as such.
Has anyone any advice about what to do if he just refuses to even try?!
TIA.

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SnozzberryPie · 01/09/2015 13:23

No idea I'm afraid but dd is exactly the same (although is only 2.5 and we don't have the urgency of needing to start preschool).

I have tried books, bribery, endless different potties / toilet seats, but no luck.

She loves wearing big girl pants but when she wees or poos just tells me she wants a nappy on and won't consider going in the potty.

Satsunday · 01/09/2015 16:08

Same here DD is 2.7, will occasionally sit on the potty and not do anything apart from be fed chocolate. Most of the time refuses to sit on it. Gina Ford book is good and says if they are that stubborn maybe we should go on a parenting course to try and get some control back. Oh dear! At least we're not alone though, there are 3 of us

SnozzberryPie · 01/09/2015 17:22

Aargh they are stubborn little monkeys aren't they?

What's the GF book like? I'm not a fan of her sleep training theories, does she take a similarly hard line on potty training?

I've read the no cry potty training solution (Elizabeth pantley) which is fine but she doesn't really address total potty refusal!

lanbro · 01/09/2015 17:32

For both of mine I made a big deal about a special shopping trip where they could choose their own potty and pants, worth a try?

Satsunday · 01/09/2015 17:35

I like the GF potty book but wouldn't touch her other books. I think it's probably quite different. Although I haven't got anywhere yet I haven't tried her approach but will try it in a few weeks. It's not really anything different though, just says what to do each day which may be what you're doing anyway.

KittyandTeal · 01/09/2015 18:09

I'm in the same situation. Dd is 3 this month and we've given it a go but she got so upset we stopped. She gets really excited about big girl pants and happily tells people that soon she won't wear nappies. She totally refuses toilet or potty and says 'I dint want to be a big girl, I want to be a baby!'

I'm leaving it for a while. My friend told me she used the nappy fairy who delivered a potty, pants and a train set but took all the day time nappies. I think I might give this a go as she has quite a vivid imagination.

Original poster

123Jump · 01/09/2015 18:54

Good to know we are not alone anyway! I just don't know what to do.

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Satsunday · 01/09/2015 20:27

Not that this will help, but I wonder if it's an age thing and if we had tried much earlier we may not have got as much resistance. Can only speak for myself of course but if I could go back in time I would try at 2 years old (before she became a strong-willed little monkey!). Lots of people say the later the better but I'm not so sure now...

SnozzberryPie · 01/09/2015 22:03

We had always planned to do it this summer as we thought it would be easier in the warm weather, but dd has other ideas. On the one hand there is no hurry, however we have dc2 due in December and I don't fancy two in nappies and potty training with a newborn

Original poster

123Jump · 02/09/2015 08:50

With my older two, I waited until the were nearly 3yo, just brought out the pants and potty, and off we went. Not a bother. So really wasn't thinking that it would be a problem,tbh.
Anyway, as long as there isn't some secret thing that everyone else was doing I didn't know about,.
Yesterday evening, after dinner DH put him into pants, and after a while DH said lets try the potty. DS sat on the potty, which he has never done for me. There was a bit of huffing and puffing, but no wee wee. Still, that shows me that he is playing up for me. So guess what DH is doing this weekend?

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Original poster

123Jump · 02/09/2015 11:14

Further update.
He was happy to put on pants this am. Potty was out.
Explained about using it for wee wee today etc.
Managed to get him to sit on it for a minute or two, no wee wee.
Did a wee two minutes later on sofa.
Clean pants,never mind etc,will try again later.
Tried later on potty, which he sat on, no wee wee. Tried again 30 mins later. No wee wee.
Went on the sofa 5 mins later.

maybe he just doesn't know he is going? He seemed surprised the sofa was wet.

OP posts:

SnozzberryPie · 02/09/2015 12:15

I've been wondering if dd is just too comfortable going in her nice absorbent disposable nappies. She definitely knows when she is going, but doesn't mind sitting in a wet nappy. So, I am considering being a bit mean and putting her in pants underneath her nappy. Meaning that she will feel wet and uncomfortable when she wees so she has more of an incentive to use the potty. But we don't have to deal with so much mess.

Is that crazy / too mean?

RolyPolierThanThou · 02/09/2015 12:21

Don't assume you could have avoided this with starting earlier. My ds is 3 and a potty refuser. Lots of misses even after getting told to use the potty just moments before.

So basically the same pattern as your dd. We started potty training at 2.5 so this has been going on for 6 bloody months.

His poos are reliable but not his wees. I'm beginning to wonder whether it's something physiological, although . He's pretty . Good at nursery.

goawayalready · 05/09/2015 10:30

room in your boat for me? mine has been sort of using the potty for a few weeks now today he has pissed everywhere ran screaming around the lounge pissing as he went he howled for a nappy i insisted he pee on the potty he did loads of praise just finished flushing that one and he ran off screaming again and pissed everywhere again i put him in his nappy he screamed he wanted it off (technically he said nappy on but i assume he meant off because it was already ON!) screamed blue murder then peed in his nappy he is now sat happy in a sodden nappy

i give up

the social worker said i have to potty train him he just isnt fucking ready but she will blame me for it so im going to send him to the nursery with his potty and they can see he is not ready i hope it would be so nice to have some back up

SnozzberryPie · 05/09/2015 11:13

Hi goaway, no advice but how old is your ds?

Anyone having any luck? DD sat on the potty while watching Mr tumble today but waited for her nappy back on before she did a wee.

It is quite tempting just to send her to nursery in pants and let them deal with it

Original poster

123Jump · 06/09/2015 10:55

Hi, I have decided to wait for another couple of weeks, then try again. He just doesn't seem to be able to 'go' for a wee, I think it is still just happening involuntarily. So he can sit on the potty, but he can't make himself 'go', then when he does a wee on the floor he says "Mummy,I'm doing it!". He knows when he is going, but can't control it yet,IYKWIM? Which I would take as not quite ready yet.
I wish there was a potty expert I could just ring,to ask if I'm doing this right.

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Welliesandwings · 07/09/2015 21:19

123Jump I could have written your post. My DS has just turned three and refusing to sit on the potty. I like the idea of pants on underneath the nappy Snozz, I may just try that.

SnottySundays · 10/09/2015 17:51

I'm in the same boat too. DD is 2.9 and just refuses to sit on her potty/the toilet. She will wear pants but after 2 hours, even though she is fidgety and looks like she needs the loo, will not wee until I put a nappy back on her.

123Jump if only there was a potty training helpline like the breastfeeding helplines!

Casey24 · 11/09/2015 09:12

So relived to read this thread - I thought I was the only one who had a 2.5 year old that wasn't potty trained! I guess you only ever hear of the show offs who boast about their kids being potty trained from 18 months I've had visions of myself being held up as one of those terrible mothers who still has their kid in nappys when they start school ..so my DS is also a potty refuser, runs after me with a nappy when I have him going commando around the house, and just simply will refuse the potty. I also like the idea of putting his pants on underneath though, because he now really hates it when his nappy is wet or pooey - he actually lies down on his changing mat and tries to change himself! which is a bit helpful I guess, so this weekend we'll go off to primark and buy a bumper pack of pants and see how we get on !

SpendSpendSpend · 11/09/2015 09:21

Dd whos 3 in october is a potty and toilet refuser.

However this last week she has been asking to go to the toilet but will not go on the potty.

We have a "open door policy" in our house were me and dh dont shut the door when using the toilet so she sees us more or less every time using the toilet.

She watches us wipe our bums and we tell her what we are doing on the toilet whether its a wee or poo etc.

This morning she came into our room and asked for the toilet and then did a poo for the first time.

We are not instigating potty training we are just letting dd do it and it seems to be working and there is no stress at all.

This week she has done 5 wees on the toilet which is a massive improvement as last week she wouldnt go anywhere near it

Original poster

123Jump · 11/09/2015 16:56

I too would prefer DS to just use the toilet, tbh.
I really don't think being over 3yo and not potty trained is that unusual. I know loads of people who's DC weren't in pants by 3, or whilst 3.
I'm leaving it for another week or two. I just don't think he was quite ready.
Plus I'm quite happy to out off the inevitable for a bit longer !

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SnozzberryPie · 11/09/2015 18:14

Well today dd said she wanted to wear pants, but when I asked her if she was going to do her wees in the potty she said 'no, on the floor'. At least she's honest.

Original poster

123Jump · 12/09/2015 04:33

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 12/09/2015 04:39

There is a book called 'Toilet Training in Less Than a Day' by Foxx and Azrin that you might like to buy and read before embarking on this.

The method requires a lot of effort for about a fortnight and there are preliminary steps too.

chickentothefox · 12/09/2015 15:27

Me too! DC2 is nearly 3, knows when he is going and is physically ready. Mentally/emotionally it's a big NO though. Frustrating when his elder sibling was trained in 3 days aged 2.3 !!

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