Argh, send patience. What can I do to get her just to relax and wee?!

[FloweryBoots]

Decided to try and potty train DD (well, we'd been thinking she was showing lots of signs of being ready so we bought pants and have potties and had been trying a bit of nappy free time and on Monday she demanded pants rather than nappy so I thought I might as well bite the bullet and go with the pants). We aren't getting accidents but she just holds it and holds it and holds it and each wee takes 1 - 2 hours of increasing jigging around and graspping at her bits until she really can't hold it any longer. Sometimes she will take herself to sit on the potty and then just get up without doing anything, and I keep encouraging her to get on (I am so bored of saying 'do you need a wee, I think you need a wee etc). She becomes upset when she's getting really desperate and for the actual wee she's in tears and I think it probably has always been me that's plonked her on the potty and made her stay there. I am finding it excrutiatingly frustrating. But she clearly has the blader control, she knows when she needs a wee, though denies it, and she won't just do it in her pants either so she has lots of the required 'signs' of being ready. I really do not know what to do for the best. I HATE the idea that if we give up the last few days which I've found so hard are wasted, but also seeing her upset seems cruel. I don't feel like we can go out because of each wee has such a build up and I suppose if I'm honnest I don't want other people to see she is upset and them be thinking I shouldn't be putting her through it. She seems so ready in every other way and if we stop what's to say she won't just be the same in a few months time any way and this fear, or what ever it is, of relaxing and just having a wee on the potty won't still be just the same. Any bright ideas on how to help her just relax and 'go' and any tales if you've experienced the same and what you did - did you stop and try again later, how long is long enough to decide there isn't progress and they are not ready, would be very very much appreciated. Oh, and all the patient vibes you can muster please! It's day 4 today, don't know how long to perseverre to give a chance at progress, if any more.

Op, I just wanted send my support as I am going through exactly the same thing! (See thread 'DS has bladder of steel') there has been some good advice and we are toughing it out for now as there is some small progress although he is hating the potty. We are on day 5!

I agree totally with what you saying about them being so upset, but I think it is part of the process. We are giving DS another week, and I'm really hopeful it is actually going in right direction and it would be crueler to stop it now, and confuse him.

Do you think it's worth asking the doc to check a sample incase of infection?
Otherwise
Have her potty next to the toilet and you both go?
Reading book on potty or putting in front of cbeebies just to convince her to sit long enough to go
Run the shower

The only way to get through potty training is bribing withchoc buttons! It won't kill them, works like magic and if they're ready takes 3 days to a week max. Consistency and chocolate, that's the magic formula IMVHO :)

If you have a DS, try getting him to aim at a target, make it fun, for my DS's target practise at flowers in the garden worked magic. Good luck!!

Does she still get upset if you don't keep asking her? I'm wondering if it's possible she's upset because of feeling she's failing you rather than actually needing to pee and not being able to.

If it's the latter though - friends swore by feeding them loads of squash then watching DVDs on the potty until something happened! We didn't go that route, but maybe something like that would help if your DD is trying too hard as it were? Maybe distracting her completely would help her to relax and go? Once they've done a few pees on the potty by accident they start to get the feel for how to release deliberately I think.

Oh, and all that "do you need a wee" - never worked for us. Even if they did they'd say no. We'd just say "time for a potty check", reward for trying even if unsuccessful, and try again later if so.