advice wanted please:)

[yappchat]

I started potty training with my daughter who is 2.4, two and a half weeks ago. She never asks to go or knows in advance and I've got the added thing that she is fed up of hearing about the potty 24/7 and often shouts no wee wees no wee wees and refuses 'have a try' as I call it. I always praise her for giving it a go and I've tried to build it into the routine rather than give treats. So before our snack we use potty, before we go outside we use the potty. The day is fairly led by her (except nap and meal times and I suggest activities to do and we use potty first) so she always wants to do the thing after the potty. I chose this because she gets bored of the same things quickly so I think an incentive would have to keep changing if that makes sense. (star chart only worked for one day and didn't understand stars building up to treat) had no accidents today but it has been quite a struggle (especially on my own with a 7 week old) and if I don't insist, she has accidents. She realises just that bit too late that she needs to go. She woke up one day and said I wear pants and so the training was completely initiated by her. She is 100% clean because she pops at a regular time and doesn't need a nappy at nap time and has had 3 individual days of no accidents. If tomorrow I didn't insist on the potty every time I think she needs it then I'm sure she would do all wees in her pants. If I say do you need a wee she ALWAYS says no. I'm exhausted and finding myself awake at night (even when the baby is asleep) worrying or trying to think of new tactics so it doesn't become a battle of wills or a stand off as at the moment I insist potty before snack, she says no, I say no snack until you have a try, she's grumpy, stamps her foot but I don't give in or stay upbeat whilst I put her on it and say yay you're having a try well done but she's already crying and upset. Not ideal but previously I saw it as the same as them not wanting to wear a coat on a cold day, we know better and insist to avoid her getting cold, same with wee. She's really happy when she succeeds, loves flushing, hand washing and me praising her and all this honestly seems enough but it won't get her on it in the first place.... Help me! I will not be offended if you have criticisms. Sorry for the humongous post. Advice?

PS additional info.... she's nearly 2.5 and isn't upset about accidents. I've tried playing then down or ignoring them completely but she'll tell me by saying "I keep my pants dry" with a panicked look on her face, she'll want new pants or take them off herself or sit in it until her cold wet pants get warmer. She likes getting new pants and says "mmm these are nice and warm" when we put them on. Sorry again to be so long winded!

Personally I'd just stop. She doesn't sound particularly ready, and there really isn't any rush to train them at all. I know it must seem a pain changing two lots of nappies, but it sounds like this is stressing you more than changing nappies would!

She sounds like my DS of the same age. He also decided to wear pants by himself in mid January. If left to his own devices he will wee a little bit out and then declare he needs a wee, so have to keep taking him throughout the day to prevent these dribbles. And also have battles when suggesting he goes if he hasn't gone for a while.

I figure he's 2 and would be tantruming about anything including being made to go to the loo, so I have to use my full arsenal of coercion and distraction and timings like you "we do a wee before mealtimes, can't eat till you have gone" etc. to convince him to go to the toilet. Stick at it, he's loads better about it, and has some good days, some bad days - like any 2 yo!

Thanks Thurlow, I didn't want to start and changing nappies is a luxury by comparison!! Honestly it makes coping with two much easier as you can always time manage a poo or a wee in a nappy! But she takes her nappy off. She started doing it a couple of months ago. So firstly I put her back in vests and a sleeping bag. That kept it at bay for a short while. Then she wanted pants as aforementioned (childminder is training a little boy who is 2.10 so she knows about them) thanks chancewouldbeafinething, that sounds similar, good days and bad days, and plenty of times she goes, no problem but I don't know if I'm making a mistake in having a stand off. I do feel that chocolate would solve it in some ways (she holds it in high regard as we haven't ever really let her have it, along with other sugary things but knows about them from childminder, birthday parties, books, etc) but only temporarily and she can produce wee on demand so I predict would just do a little one for a sweet treat each time and she is such a good varied eater it seems a shame to change her diet. She has gone to all usual play groups with no accidents ever (because we go wee first) but I really don't want to insist she's ready if she's not, I have no idea and am not in a rush. Do they need to be able to ask to go wee before it's worth trying? Or am I expecting too much this early in training? Thanks all:)

when I tried dd in January, she was adamant that she didn't want to try the potty, had it out in the utility room. She seemed to like the big toilet for the flush novelty. However, put the potty in front of the TV this time and she seems to prefer this. Moved it to the side away from the TV now as it was right in the way, but she sat on it this time and seems much more willing to sit on it. Can you entice her to sit for a bit when watching her favourite show for the first few times? If indeed you have a potty not just a trainer seat for the big loo.

Thanks Dolly, I've got no issue getting her on the potty if it's something she wants to do next, and plenty of times she will go on, no question and if I said she could watch TV she definitely would do it. It's only that it's been a little while and I know that an accident free day is lots of hard work on my part and so is that just luck and me catching wees? She easily goes 90 minutes to two hours without a wee or an accident then I put her on the potty and she has a nice big wee. But if I didn't then she would go in her pants. Is this just normal for training? Or I might just be stressing too much. I don't know why I am stressed about it, it's taken me by surprise. I've just looked at the calendar and I started 2nd April so not even two weeks, perhaps I'm expecting too much...?

I guess it boils down to how much you can be bothered to see this one through. In my experience (of older DC) it always take loads longer then you think to get children completely dry and perfectly dealing with toilets, think months rather than days or weeks. I was never blessed with a child that got all of it completely straight away. It's a longer process then you think