Super sensitive potty trainee - how on earth do we leave the house?? Am I missing something?

[notmuchofaclue]

Help!! Dd is 2.10 and we decided to try potty training as dc2 is due soon. The problem is she's always had issues around going for a poo, which started when she got constipated almost a year ago. She's always been prone to withholding poo but as it's been a fairly longstanding problem, I figured that waiting longer to potty train wasn't likely to see any change on that front. So we're not even a week in yet but some days she'll be fine going for a wee, other days she'll desperately hold it in until she gets herself in quite a state. She has managed to do some poos on the potty but has had varying levels of anxiety around each one. But she's always very pleased with herself once she's done it, and is instantly relieved/like a different child. We've put her in nappies each night which are always bone dry in the morning, so it's not like she's holding on to her wees so she can do them in a nappy instead, which might make me think it's time to give up.
The thing I can't work out is - how do we leave home for anything more than an hour or so?! She only wants to go on one particular potty (when she's not potty dodging that is!) and is really not keen even on the thought of going on the loo. We bought a potette to use when out but we just attempted to use it when out and she got herself extremely worked up and wouldn't go on it. Got home and she went on her usual potty. We can't force her to use it or to sit on a toilet because she gets so upset there's no chance of her being able to go.
So what do we do?? She's had only a few accidents and obviously has control over her bladder and bowels (too much, clearly!) so she must be 'ready' for it - but her hyper sensitivity around it all (and plenty of other things aside) make me wonder how we'll ever make it work.
Please has anyone got any advice they could offer? Have you potty trained a super sensitive toddler? Any advice is very gratefully received.

I tried to toilet train DD1 at a similar age, with similar results. She used to get totally worked up and just refuse to try to go anywhere. She'd had similar problems with constipation too. It didn't help that the country we were living in at the time seemed to favour extremely early potty training (we moved when she was 18 months old and were repeatedly asked if she was toilet trained yet).

We put it on hold for a couple of months and then tried again. When we tried it again there was a lot less resistance although we did find it triggered a few constipation issues again.

Sometimes I think that they can be physically ready before they are mentally ready.

Also, how long til DC2 is due? Completely anecdotal I kbow, but I've heard of lots of children regressing on the arrival of a sibling, especially if only recently toilet trained.

Thanks vvviola. Baby is due in 2 months, which is why I thought now was as good a time as any. I had heard it could make them regress, but of course waiting 2 or even 3 months might be even worse timing. And she starts pre-school in Sept when she'd also need to be toilet trained. There are a lot of time pressures which aren't really helping!
You're right about being physically ready before mentally, I think physically she could have done it ages ago. The frustrating thing is, sometimes she'll be fine getting on and doing a wee (just now before bed she had no issue going at all), other times it's a battle. Also, I'm not even sure if putting her back in nappies for a while now would be the answer - she hasn't once gone in her nappy at night this week.
Do you think it would be really counter productive if we put her in pull ups if we were out for a while during the day? I've not heard much positive said about them, but short of carrying her great big chosen potty around with us I'm not sure how to resolve the problem without creating a big drama around it all.

I know it tends to be frowned upon, but I did use pull ups for a while, especially if I knew I was going to be out for a long time. But what I did do was treat them as pants (I think we called them "going out pants" for a while ) and I still visited the toilet exactly as I would have if she was wearing pants. In fact, for a while, the only place we went was our local mall - plenty of space to potter about, great parent rooms with little toilets, and it had supermarket/post office/bank etc for all the things I needed to get done.

Another thing I used were waterproof towelling pants from Mothercare. So they still feel wet, but the mess is a bit more contained. They were very useful once she began to get the hang of it.

Thanks again vvviola it's off to Mothercare for me. We've gotten into a battle the last couple of times we've gone out, trying to get her to wee even in her potty - she obviously needs to go but just fights it. So perhaps the waterproof pants are the best thing to try, so that at least if we let her dictate it and she ends up going everywhere, there would be less mess to clear up!

Take her favourite Potty out with you (I did in a carrier bag). If she's good at holding on and rarely has accidents she'll be ok. Keep the trips short, praise her for whatever she achieves, whether it's waiting till she gets home or going when she's out.

Thanks bonzo - unfortunately her favourite potty is huge (the Fisher Price singing one!) so it won't fit under the buggy. I curse the day I bought it!
She just seems to have a ridiculous capacity for holding both poo and wee in - since yesterday she went almost 22 hours without weeing until this morning!! And that was in desperation after we put her in a nappy overnight (she hadn't gone for 5 hours before bed) and it was still as dry as a bone this morning. I just can't work it out, and have no idea what to do for the best. It's not like she's waiting for the relief of going in a nappy, which would make me think we should give up and try again later. I'm going to try to
ERIC helpline tomorrow to see if they can help at all.

Is she drinking enough? I gave mine lots while training to give them lots of practice both actually weeing and recognising the full bladder sensation.

Well she usually drinks plenty but the last few days she's definitely drunk less - we're constantly offering her drinks and trying to get her to have more, but you know what they say about leading a horse to water....

Sounds silly but is she the same with other people? So granny taking her to the toilet may be different...? Might help to break the cycle.