I've been potty training DS, nearly 4, for well over a year. He wees no problem by himself, takes himself off to the loo and never wets himself, and is even dry at night.
However with poo, it's another story entirely. He doesn't care that he's soiled himself, which I know is fairly common in boys anyway, and will lie each time I suspect he's done a poo.
These are the things I've done or still do to try to change his behaviour:
Reward chart with a star each time he tells me he needs the loo (which he loves and gets very excited about the few times he's managed it)
Special toy I have kept aside for him that he knows he can have when he stops soiling his pants
Stopped using nappies completely
Asked him if he understands when a poo is coming and he always says yes and knows that he should be going to the loo
Always tell him I will help him when he goes
Always praise him highly when he does manage it
Bought him a special seat for the loo
Bought him special pants
Explained to him that poo is dirty and why he needs to keep clean
Explained to him that even when he is busy playing, eating or doing something he enjoys, he needs to stop, go to the loo and then go back to what he was doing
To be honest we've had so many poo conversations I don't think there is anything we haven't covered and he does a very good job at convincing me he understands.
However I am so exhausted by his constant soiling, sometimes three pairs of pants or more, one after the other, even after he reassures me he will tell me "next time". I catch him going behind the sofa, and if I'm lucky I'll take him to the loo on time but often it's too late.
So, it's the disciplining part I am unsure of. I'm not proud of it, but when I'm at the end of my tether, tired, and have other things going on and can't face another pooey pair of pants, I have shouted at him over it, but always apologised after. I do not want this to have any damaging effect of course, but sometimes I think maybe he needs me to step things up in order for it to have an impact. In fact I was so annoyed the other day I completely removed his reward chart in front of him as he hasn't had a star for so long, which really upset him, so I thought maybe it would give him the jolt he needs...but no, nothing, and of course he's forgotten about it by now.
So my question - is it wrong to punish in this case? Will applying standard punishments, e.g. Restricting TV, play time with friends, no scooter etc. help or hinder, or make it even worse? Should this sort of thing, as any other developmental phase, go unpunished?
Sorry it's so long, I can't believe I've had so much to say about it!!