Can I "force" a 3yr, 9 months old to poo on the potty?

[RaisingMissDaisy]

Mumsnetters, I need your advice, as I really don't know what to do for the best and whether I am being too soft or DP is being too harsh.
My dd will be 4 in June. She has been weeing in the toilet/potty with virtually no accidents for a while, but to my knowledge she has not pooed in the potty. I know this is a common problem in toddlers. A friend of mine with much older children once told me that potty training is generally something that there is really no need to stress about. When the child is ready they will know, they will let you know and that is it. Nature needs to take its course, it will sort itself out. I am very happy with this approach, however, DP is getting VERY frustrated with the continued poos in the nappy and me changing her as if she's a baby, and wants to stop it. I just don't see how it's possible to force her to poo in the potty and I am worried she will get so distressed by the whole pooing business that she will stop pooing altogether and get constipated. One threat DP made is that he is going to take the ipad away from her until she poos in the potty and admittedly, if any threat works with anything, it's that one. I am just now sure whether all the upset this is invariably going to cause is going to be worth it? Has anyone got any experience with "making" their little ones poo on the potty?
Any advice/experience/points of view appreciated.
Thank you!
PS: maybe i should mention, i recently got a sticker chart and told her when she does a poo in the potty she will get a sticker and after 5 stickers she gets a present. She mentions the present every now and then but it's not enticing enough to use the potty! Nor does she mind pooing on Anna and Elsa (i got her Frozen knickers and said "don't poo on Anna and Elsa!", but while she likes the knickers so much that on the first day wearing them she pulled her trousers down at nursery to show them to everybody, she thinks nothing of pooing in them, argh!)

Just wondering if you had tried her on the toilet? None of my DC would even sit on a potty as by the time they were ready (all 3+) they were just too big for it to be comfortable. They would happily sit on the loo with a cushioned seat though.. Sorry if you've tried this and this isn't helpful

Hi,thank you for this.
she still sits happily (and quite comfortably by the looks of it) on the potty to wee. However, I think I will give your suggestion a try. maybe a shiny new toilet seat just for her will encourage her??!! anything is worth a try, thank you!

So does she tell you when she needs a poo and then you put a nappy on her?

I'm having v similar problems with my 3.5 yr old. He simply refuses to sit on the toilet for a poo. As he is a boy he does all his wees standing up at the toilet so is not used to sitting on a toilet. He has been promised a new lego toy but this isn't enough to entice him at the mo. Not sure what to do.

Can you do something like giving her the I pad to play with while she sits on the loo when she tells you she needs a poo or you think she is due one?! I kind of think bribes work a bit better than threats to avoid negative associations.

My ds was the same. He was well over 4 before he pooed on the loo- and only then if I held him really firmly and repeatedly reassured him that I wouldn't lt go.

I don't belive in ever forcing anything about toilet training- they all get there Why does it matter if some get there later than others? The less of an issue you make of it the better.

My DS1 took months to potty train when he was 3 and pooing in the potty was a big issue with him. When he needed a poo he would demand a nappy be put on him and we tried everything. One thing that did help was to gradually move the nappy towards the potty - first of all getting him to poo in the nappy whilst sitting on the potty then 'lining' the potty with a nappy that he then pooed into. Does that make sense? It took a long time but we got there in the end. Someone told me that some children get a bit traumatised at the idea of 'their' poo leaving them so this helps to get them used to it gradually!

Now to persuade DS2 (2.11) to go anywhere near a potty at all .

Thank you all for posting
Sylviecat she doesn’t tell me when she needs a poo but it is very obvious when she is doing it, as she tends to retire into a corner / somewhere removed from everybody else. Afterwards she will then say “I had a poo”. This usually happens pretty much as soon as we get home at the end of the day after nursery. She doesn’t wear nappies at nursery and they haven’t mentioned accidents to me. But they can also not recall actually seeing her do a poo on the potty, so I think she saves them for home/for me. Last night I asked her to at least sit on the potty, with nappy on if necessary, while doing the poo, but she immediately started a panicked kind of crying, she got really upset. I don’t want to actually force her onto the potty, so I left it.

Hakluyt I don’t believe in forcing the issue either, if DP wasn’t getting so worked up about it I wouldn’t even have started this thread

artifarti makes perfect sense and that is what I wanted to try and start doing last night, but see above….

I printed off all sorts of advice from the internet yesterday to show DP that every single ones advises NOT to “get tough” on the little ones, NOT to punish them and just to leave them be!!!