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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Can I ask some very basic questions? Potty training has me confused...

18 replies

Thurlow · 07/02/2015 19:32

OK, so have just done the first day of an attempt to train DD, who has just turned 3. There's a few things I don't quite understand, but looking through guides and googling is bringing back so much stuff I can't work out an answer.

1 - One of the reasons we're so late starting is that we've been waiting for DD to show any of the signs of recognition but she never has. Doesn't ask for a dirty nappy to be changed, doesn't poo at regular times, hasn't shown an interest in pants or the potty. Do all kids show those signs at some point? By not showing any signs, is she not ready?

2 - She doesn't poo at regular times. I'm really confused how this works as I read so much about kids training for poos later than wees, but if she doesn't do a poo at the same time then are we just going to be cleaning poo from her pants?

3 - Sitting on the potty isn't interesting her. Today has been a battle with a lot of fighting against the potty (or toilet, doesn't want either) and wees on the floor. Everything I read says to put them on the toilet every 15/30 mins and get them to try. But she doesn't want to sit, and she doesn't want to try! Looking at books or watching telly is barely tempting her either.

4 - Bribery isn't interesting her either. She's not big on the idea of asking for things to get later (was like this at Christmas/birthday too) so explaining that learning to do this might get her a present doesn't really float her boat.

She knows about peeing in toilets and potties. She watches us go, she understands other kids go, she follows them into the toilet at the CM's - but she's just not bothered about doing it herself.

Sorry this is very long I'm not expecting an overnight miracle though that would be nice but have no idea whether to persevere at the moment, or give up. And I don't know whether what I've explained above means she's not ready or she's just going to be a bit stubborn over this (which wouldn't surprise me!)

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ROARmeow · 07/02/2015 21:37

Good questions and something I asked myself with both my DC.

Someone a long time ago on a potty training thread linked to this book and I thought it was very concise and helpful.

Don't force her to sit on the potty. You'll scare her or make her be stubborn and refuse it even harder. Offer her the potty, but don't force her to sit on it. If she says no or runs away then just leave it sitting somewhere she can see it and offer her a few times a day. Be bright and breezy.

One thing my DD liked was seeing her toys use the potty. Dolls, teddies, etc etc. She thought it was funny.

Adults don't wee and poo at the same time every day, and neither do kids. There might be a few accidents while you learn her cues and while she learns the feelings in her body, but just learn and move on.

Neither of mine really 'told' me that they'd peed or pooed in advance. I just learnt by their face, or their non-verbal cues. I used to hold the font of their nappies when wet and say, "Oh you have done a pee in your nappy, it's wet." And say similar for poo too. They usually acknowledged it and so I knew they were heading in the right way.

3 is quite late, but still within the realms of normality. Give her a few weeks and try again, but in the meantime read the book I've linked too, it helped me a lot.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 07/02/2015 21:48

I never thought the books made that much sense. I tried and failed a number of times with the first two until a decided on a glass jar of chocolate buttons out of reach but visible and told them in fairly uninterested way that they can have one every time they put a wee or a poo in the potty and then left them to it. They were old enough to understand what was expected of them. Also in my opinion pull up nappies are useless. If you use the terry/ plastic pants it feels more wet and uncomfortable on the skin and that helps as well. Good luck

Original poster

Thurlow · 07/02/2015 22:08

Thanks both, those are really helpful answers. We've got a rare long weekend at home so we shall.persevere but I'll try and be very chilled about it. She was very surprised and excited when she did manage to pee. I'll try the dolls too. I know she is old for it but I suspect she will be a bit stubborn on this one! Leaving the chocolate in sight is a good idea too.

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FamiliesShareGerms · 07/02/2015 22:18

Both mine needed to feel wet pants against them to work out the connection between the urge to go and doing a wee. Then staying super calm about taking them off and changing into dry ones and not making any kind of fuss

Asking whether they want to try when the facial signs suggest something is imminent worked better than trying to work out their routine

I did them during summer so they were outside (puddles on grass are easier than on carpet!) and didn't need layers over pants. Is there a particular reason why you're trying now?

Original poster

Thurlow · 08/02/2015 07:57

I suppose we're trying now because she's 3. And because it could be August until we get enough sunshine she her to be clothesless outside, and then she'll be nearly 4! Surely if she's already 'quite late' it doesn't make sense to leave it another 5-6 months to even start trying?

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madwomanacrosstheroad · 08/02/2015 09:50

Whatever you do, do not let it become a power struggle. Be very mater of fact about it and also have a very small and immediate reward of she does go (in out case we used a chocolate button). At that age they do not get the connection of doing something now and a toy appearing in 3 days time.

Original poster

Thurlow · 08/02/2015 10:09

Yeah, I'm worried it might become one. I can't tell if she is actually ready to start. This morning she did 3 pees in about half an hour, all on the floor. I've got a nagging feeling that her bladder isn't actually there yet - that she's still doing lots of little pees rather than holding it on.

But then, don't you have to let them get wet to learn bladder control?

Part of me thinks if she's not interested (rewards, toys using the potty - did that this morning, she liked it but wasn't prepared to go on herself - praise etc) then we're on a hiding to nothing.

But then she has to learn at some point. And I'm tired of everything I read and people I talk to commenting on a 3yo not being potty trained yet

Can you hire people to come and do this for you?!

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madwomanacrosstheroad · 08/02/2015 10:14

If she follows you to the toilet would you consider having a chocolate button yourself and when she asks for one advise that no, that is only for people who go weewees/poopoos in the potty or toilet and then go on with your business. Make sure potty is accessible.

Original poster

Thurlow · 08/02/2015 10:21

Well I could certainly cope with having that many chocolate buttons!

So far today she's cried whenever I've put the potty in her sight

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madwomanacrosstheroad · 08/02/2015 11:10

Dont put pressure on. Just let it sit there. She knows what you want of her. Now she needs to decide she wants to go. Once that happens it will be quick. That's the advantage of starting late.

Amethystus · 09/02/2015 10:47

Honestly me I would take the road of least resistance, give up and leave it for a little while before trying again. Ds was a few months off four before he was potty trained but I'd tried several times before, he just wasn't ready and I didn't want it to turn into a battle. Once he was ready it was very easy and only took a few days. No shame in being a later potty trained child, some kids just take longer to catch on than others.

Start leaving the nappy off and the potty around evening time when you're home? No pressure just so she knows it's there.

Original poster

Thurlow · 09/02/2015 12:24

So far mixed success. Surprisingly she's understood poos, not wees, which I wasn't expecting. We've at least had a few successes which means the whole praise/chocolate thing has been understood.

DP is at home with her today and says that after a huge power struggle this morning he gave up and ignored it, at which point she promptly went herself without any help. Though she did once poo in her knickers, announce it, and then asked her dad to put it in the potty for her

But yes, thanks all, I think the path of least resistance is definitely on the cards. If she carries on like this we will start her at the CM's on Weds with pants but tell her the CM to put her back in nappies if it's a struggle or there are just too many accidents. Then we can continue with nappy free time at home until it clicks properly in her heads.

Thanks everyone - really appreciate the advice, everyone else I know potty trained intensively at 2.5yo within a few days, so there's no ones brains to pick for a slightly older, slower method!

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Anerak · 09/02/2015 12:51

I would not worry, in the country where I live the children are not potty trained until at least 2.5, some still not by the age of 4 when they go to school!

MilesHuntsWig · 09/02/2015 12:58

We just went through this with our DD. We trained her just after 3 too as she had actually told us in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to do it! So we waited until she was more open to the idea (apparently 50% of the kids in the class above her at nursery weren't potty trained so don't beat yourself up).

The real thing that did it for my DD was not to use a potty. She was far more motivated by going straight to the grown up toilet as she was that bit older. So we got a couple of toilet seat adapters (she got to choose one off amazon) and a potette plus for when we're out and about, and it finally clicked (with the extra bonus of chocolate buttons!).

Good luck!

Original poster

Thurlow · 12/02/2015 16:44

OK, brain picking again - have had a few really good days where she has basically gone in the potty and I thought she was getting it, but then apparently today at the CM's she has refused to do it and been back in a nappy (as we agreed with the CM, because we didn't want to get into a battle of wills with DD).

Is this pretty normal?

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Piratejones · 12/02/2015 17:06

Yes that's normal, new place = they forget everything.

Original poster

Thurlow · 12/02/2015 17:10

Thanks She did quite well at the CMs yesterday but that was probably the novelty. I don't quite feel sure whether to press it all or not. I expected her to not get it at all, in which case we'd leave it for a while. But she's 'got' it a sort of awkward amount - too much to stop, but surely a CM, no matter how much she's agreed to help potty train kids, can't be expected to clean up loads of accidents all day?

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Twotinygirls · 12/02/2015 17:13

I did a sweet for each wee or poo! Not exactly healthy but it's such a short amount of time and it did work. The first few days I just followed them about with a potty, prepare for many accidents. It will happen eventually.
I also found both regressed after some time of being dry, I think it's maybe when they are practising holding on?
Also I stopped and started a lot with DC2 when she wasn't getting the hang of it we just waited a month or so and tried again. Then she got it really quickly.
Good luck!

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