Will it work if she doesn't know in advance?

[onionchildren]

I'm under HUGE pressure from my Mum to potty train DD who was 3 last week. I'm just in tears about the whole thing and I know that is probably not helping.

We've had a few attempts since May but with only 1 wee in the potty 2 months ago, the rest of that day she just held it in till we put a nappy on at night time.

So my question is do they need to know that they need to go?

She is sometimes aware that she has had a wee or poo but most of the time is not bothered by the state of her nappy. She has certainly never said "Mummy I need a wee".

In our attempts so far we have put her on the potty at regular intervals hovered over her for hours at a time then as soon as we move out of the room she has a wee or poo all over the carpet (which is now in a bit of a state). How much mess should I be expected to put up with?

She was 6w prem, has a mild speech delay and was slow to walk (16m) but in all other areas seems to get on fine and has just settled into nursery after a rocky few days. So wondered if this might be relevant.

Any help gratefully appreciated.

Can you tell your mum give it a rest and let your daughter do it in her own time? Or speak to the nursery and see what they think, perhaps your would give more weight to your conversations with your mum? My nursery doesn't push anything till they're ready

Thanks, yes I've told my Mum loads of times, tried having a sensible conversation about why it's just not happening but it doesn't seem to stop her. She potty trained me at 18 months (apparently!) but that was the norm in the early 70's, so she just gets hysterical with me....

Will try asking at nursery to see what they think as obviously they will need to be involved when we start.

There is no need to rush it, she really doesn't sound ready yet.

Children were incentivised to be dry in the 70s because we had horrid, scratchy, towelling nappies that were uncomfortable when they were wet or dirty.

Nappies these days are much more effective at keeping the child comfortable but this means that they give less feedback to the child.

That's why toilet training happens later these days.