Potty training ready for school

[MoreTeaPenguin]

DS (3 3/4) will be going to school in September, so we need to sort out potty training by then, which is a bit daunting and I could use some tips!

He started potty training when his friends did at about 2.5. I now think it was too early for him, and we should have gone back to nappies. When DD was born we went for pull ups for a few months as he regressed quite spectacularly. Then he seemed to be doing well, so we went for pants again, that was about 6 months ago. Since then he has on average one wee accident a day, maybe slightly less. Often he'll go a few days (maybe 3 or so) and we'll think hooray, but then we'll have a run of days with 2 or 3 accidents. He rarely has poo accidents anymore thank goodness! We have tried many things, for a few months at a time:
Putting him back into a pull up after the first accident of the day (he loves pants, does not want to wear pull ups)
Not making a fuss about accidents, putting him on the potty and clearing up
A sticker chart
A sticker chart with rewards
Reward at the end of the day for dry pants
Thomas the tank engine pants
Chocolate reward after each wee or poo in the potty
Using the toilet rather than the potty

He just doesn't seem to realise he needs to go, or maybe can't tear himself away from playing. Today I asked him if he needed a wee, he ignored me (the ignoring anyone he doesn't want to answer is a whole other thread I think!), then weed in his pants one minute later. When I asked why, he said he was having fun throwing sticks in the pond.

He has less accidents when we're out with his friends, he goes to the loo at the same time as them, so maybe school will be OK? Fingers crossed! Though he still has accidents at nursery. When I asked his key worker at nursery about it she suggested taking him out of nappies at night. But I'm really nervous about that. He has a sopping wet pull up each morning, and I don't want to add to my already gigantic washing pile.

So, thank you for reading this far, any suggestions? I think we need a plan!

Instead of asking if he needs to go for a wee, we asked our LO if he was dry? This seemed to work as it establishes a different expectation - that they will stay dry. During the early days, we asked this every ten minutes and gradually spaced it out.

My feeling is that because this has dragged on for so long you need to reboot it somehow. Is there a way you can relaunch toilet training? A brand new set of pants that he goes out and buys with you? A major toy (Thomas?) that he is working for if he status dry for 10 days (not in a row but cumulative)?

Do you have a special potty that can move rooms? Toys r us do a Thomas one I think and it looks like a toilet? We still use a similar one 3.5 months in (ours regressed too).

Sorry, stays dry not status dry.

Poor you - one of mine was stubborn and late to train. But although school's haveto cope with untrained pupils, you really are stingin his best interests by getting him trained now.

See your HV if you think there might be any medical issues. And keep in close touch with nursey key worker. s/he will have seen lots of DC go through the half trained stage and may well have useful advice. A co-ordinated approach will help.

Don't try to do night training - you've only got so much patience to deal with wt stuff, and control when sleeping isn't the same as voluntary control when awake.

Chuck out advice for dealing with younger toddlers. With a nearly 4 yo you can be much clearer about expectations.

Don't go overboard with rewards. It's not working and there's no reason to think it will. The less fuss and the more breezy practicality the better.

Indeed don't make a big deal of it. Tell him to go to the loo at regular intervals into your receptacle of choice. Only once that has led to some dryness start asking him to check his pants to see if they're dry.

Super, thank you for your advice! My new strategy is that any accident means that the fun toy is tidied away until tomorrow. So far, fingers crossed, no accidents since the first one. I'm backing off on the rewards, you're right, they're not working, so he only gets a reward if he asks for one after using the potty/toilet. If this strategy fails then we're off to the hv/doc for reassurance.