How do you know when they are ready?

[Notsoyummymummy1]

DD is 2.2 months old and I'm under a lot of pressure from my inlaws to potty train as their daughter has just potty trained her daughter who is a couple of months older. They've even started asking DD why she isn't using a potty like her cousin. I really want to stop this but I don't want to rush things if she isn't ready. So how do I know?

She's showing an interest in how we go to the toilet and has a Peppa potty but doesn't seem able yet to say when she needs to go and treats the potty like an extra chair even though she knows what it's for. My gut instinct is that it's a bit early for her but how do I know if I'm right?

Eugh - your inlaws sound obnoxious. DS trained at 2.9 and am doing DD now at 2.5. As to your question, I'd say just have a go on a day. Take off her nappy and put her in pants, or leave her naked on her bottom half. Tell her if she needs a wee sit on the potty. When she has an accident tell her never mind, next time on the potty. Give her plenty of fluids so she's frequently reminded of the sensation. I'd say these are all good signs within day 1 of 'being ready':

1. She holds urine for 2 or more hours between wees
2. She puts herself on the potty and wees
3. She is happy to go when you ask her if she needs a wee and then produces something.

If she manages number 2 I'd say you could go for it and not take 'no' for an answer from her. There's something to be said for not showing that there's any chance of a return to daytime nappies. I kept (and will keep DD) DS in 'nighttime pants' for ages because I'm lazy and it had no adverse effect - he was reliably dry within a week or two of training in the day with perhaps an accident every few months. He said he didn't want to wear nighttime pants anymore when he was just over 4 years so I just let him stop.

Hope you get on OK!

Hi Notsoy,

I agree with Eugenes opinion about your inlaws: they should mind their own business. But that is one of the joys of familiy

However, for me the signs that Eugenes has mentioned are more of someone already half trained more than someone who has not even began! I would step back a bit first.

For example, I started with mine by putting the potty next to the toilet and then we would both play the "wee wee game": I would do it for real and then I would encourage her to imitate me. I did not ask her to put down her trousers yet, just to sit on the potty and the to "clean" her bottom and wash her hands. I would also play the "wee wee game" with a doll or a teddy.

After she had managed the ritual a few times in 2 or 3 weeks (no pressure), I chose a time of the day when we would try to do it for real. For me it was at the time of the night bath. I took away her clothes and ask her to sit in the potty and do a real wee-wee while I was preparing the bath. I would insist that she stayed seated for a little while (unless she got upset) and sometimes I would wet her hands and legs a bit to try to provoke a pee response. Finally I got her to pee in the potty and I made a big fuss of it.

I continued the routine every night for another few weeks until she was doing a wee almost every evening. Then I took the plunge and used a long weekend to do a full potty training: Nappies completely off except for the night, bare bottoms and potty in the middle of the room and asking her to use it. Stickers, candy and other rewards if success (e.g. I let her play with my iPhone if she did it right), calmly leaning the messes when she failed. We are on day 5 and she only had 2 accidents and all the poos in!

The good thing about all the preparation and games that I did before is that I could assess by myself if she was ready or not. If she had gotten too upset about the potty and never managed to pee regularly for a few evenings, I would have waited. I think that this was better than following some list of "readiness" signs. There are too many "magic" lists out there and they all tell you different stuff, some of it quite absurd and impossible to check.

my2cents

Thank you so much both of you that's been really helpful - I like the idea of introducing the idea gradually rather than jumping in before she's ready! Have already started role playing with her dolly!