How to stop DS pooing his pants?

[kaymondo]

Really hope someone here has some ideas as I am at my wits end!

DS is 3.5, has been potty trained for about 8 months. When we started he got the idea of wees straight away but was very resistant to poos so we had a lot if accidents and a lot of him waiting until he had his pull-up on at night to go. We tried all the usual, reward charts, poo goes to Pooland etc but nothing really seemed to work, in the end I think he just decided himself to use the toilet. I was so relieved. Over the last few months, since he cracked it, we've had various times when he's reverted to pooing his pants but only for a few days and I've usually been able to guess why ie. we moved house, he started at pre school etc. few days and we'd be back to normal.

However for the last 2/3 weeks he started doing again, at least twice a day, sometimes more. It is not an accident as in he can't get there in time - he knows he needs to go and he knows he should use the toilet, he's just choosing not to. It's driving me insane and I just feel like such a failure, I just can't understand why he's doing it.

We've tried just ignoring it, cleaning him up without comment, I've trued telling him off, i've tried talking to him calmly about it at it other times - no difference. I can tell sometimes that he needs to go so I'll ask him and he'll say he doesn't so I'll just remind him to go to the toilet if he does and literally a minute later he'll tell me there's a poo in his pants.

I just don't know where to go from here - in all other respects he is a bright and articulate 3 yr old so I just don't know why this is such an issue.

As additional background, he does have a little brother who's 15 months so it wouldn't surprise me if jealousy/ attention seeking is playing a part, although I try to give him as much attention as his little brother (and he has one-to-one time during his brothers naps).

Sorry this is so long but any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated as I'm really getting to the limits of my patience on this issue and I worry that my frustration with him over this is affecting our relationship.

Sorry for all the typos, on my phone!

Also meant to say he's still in a pull up at night but we're getting rid of that once we're through Christmas and new year to see if that makes a difference at all.

Hibtgere, we have the same problem except after 2 months of training dd has never done a poo on loo/potty. Always does in knickers or waits till she has a nappy at nap or night time. I an thinking of going back to nappies as she just won't do it. We haven't had a single poo on loo/potty. She just does it in knickers. She knows she's going as tells us right after!

We had a big glass jar full of sweets. The size of a biscuit tin. We called it the poo jar. Each and every time they had a number two, no matter how small in the potty or toilet, they got to choose a treat from the poo jar. It worked amazingly well for us! Sounds terrible to give them sweets but it only took a couple of weeks. Both my DC now refer to big glass jars as poo jars.

Same problem here. We spoke to an OT who suggested having a star chart for each time they try and a reward (in our case a toy DC really really wanted) for each time they poo. With the reward they only get to use it for 20 mins after the poo then it goes back in the cupboard until next time. We have had some success with this but it's early days.

Bribe with sweets or stickers every time, after a couple of successful weeks the rewards can fizzle out.

Hasnt worked for us - nothing will make her poo. We have put her treat jar by the loo as suggested above and she just won't do it. Seems to really not want to use the loo for poo

We had a similar problem with DD3 , now 3,5 . We tried singing potties, pooland stories , sweety jars and Starcharts - we even ( in desperation after she pooed under the top table at a wedding ....) tried to bribe with new bike . Nothing . We gave up for a month - just stopped talking about it and cleaning her up without comment . Then granny offered her a pound to poo in the loo - I was horrified +++ , but was shocked to see that it worked !! I can't bring myself to pay her to poo - but Lidl's chocolate coins have solved it . Now we have the holy grail - poos in loo without fuss , wipes her own bottom and doesn't need a reward . At one point I would have sold my soul for this !

Hi just been searching thru MN to see if anyone having same problem as me then found your post!!!! I hate toilet training, I am soooo frustrated!!!! I have a 3.5yo dd who is normally so independent and did show interest in using toilet at a very young age. Anyway after months of messy training I would say she was trained by 2.9yo (incidentally at around same time dd2 was born). Had the odd (wee) accident on and off since, then after weeks of no accidents she wee'd pants at home last Saturday. I admit I lost it and shouted at her as was just so frustrated that we were at home, she wasn't distracted and she wasn't even trying to get to toilet so couldn't understand it. Monday was at gp's for the afternoon and she pooed pants, didn't tell anyone, attempt to go to toilet or say anything after just continued after so poor nanna had to clear up the big mess. She did seem suitably embarrassed after this, I didn't shout as actually felt bit sorry for her and just tried to see it as a one off however this has happened again today at home!! At my wits end, just don't know why this is happening, how to play it-do I get angry, punish, start rewarding using toilet again or just pretend it's not happening and carry on as normal?? It's nice to know I am not the only one at least as all friends with similar age chdn do not seem to be having this much trouble with it.