Won't let her nappies go

[laura242]

Argh - I'm getting to the end of my tether. My daughter is 3 years and 2 months old and just refuses to use the potty or the toilet. We've tried letting her choose a potty, rewards, pink toilet seats, and she just refuses. She won't even talk about it. So we resolved not to push it, but she has started having complete tantrums when we try to change her nappy after she does a poo. She screams and fights and won't let you take off the nappy or clean her. Then she screams to have her nappy back and tonight was beside herself, yelling 'I want my bottom dirty' for about half an hour after we had cleaned her. Anyone else had this problem? Anyone with any advice? Thank you!

Hey there, I've got no advice at all but my son is exactly the same and same age. He has no interest in the potty, doesn't even notice a wet or soiled nappy and has a meltdown every time I have to change him. I can't grasp how he can't just get it when all other children in his toddler class who are all younger are PT. I know how you feel, constant guilt trip, failure etc but there must be a reason why they simply aren't bothered. I, like you have tried everything, been patient etc but nothing is working. Any new suggestions from anyone?

To OP:
Ah, strong willed kid. You know that will do her good in other areas of life, at least.

I know a few cases of babes who loved their warm wet nappies (cloth users, sigh).
The "I want bottom dirty" is "I want control of my body!" stuff.

tbh, this is one of the few cases (with a child so young) that I would resort to punishment & bribery in equal measure. As in, shut both of you into a boring room & don't let her do anything interesting until bottom is sorted. She can sit, she can't fiddle or play. You don't talk back about anything (barely). So the whole rest of her life stops until it's been cleaned. You don't rise to tantrums, you don't respond, you make clear that certain things have to happen and nothing else will happen until then. You sit quietly with her but she doesn't really have your full attention until she calms down & accepts the way things have to be. Your patience will trump their ability to tantrum.

She's testing boundaries, time to show her where they are.

Thanks so much for your replies. I really does help to know that other people are going through the same thing. And yes, she is definitely testing boundaries. Thanks for your advice.