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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

3.2 year old DS not interested in potty & I've been called lazy!

74 replies

CJones1982 · 21/11/2013 08:53

My son was 3 in September. I've tried potty training him 3 times now and he simply doesn't seem ready. It's like he doesn't get much warning when he needs to go for a wee, he just looks down and before you know it he's wet himself. He still doesn't have the communication skills to say 'Mum I need a wee' - My mother and MIL are disgusted with the fact that he's not PT as in their day it was by 2 years old! They've said I'm too soft and that I should make him sit on the potty! I would never force him to sit on it as I don't feel that's fair and just forcing the issue. I've tried so many ways, rewards etc and tried for at least 5 days each time. He also hasn't the ability to pull his trousers down too. Is anyone else in my position? I'm not going to rush him if he's not ready but I do feel some pressure as all my friends and family's children are younger and PT. Any advice please?

OP posts:

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flatmum · 22/11/2013 12:08

Perfectprincess - I think you're rude and deluded too and I am upper middle class :)

flatmum · 22/11/2013 12:10

Why would it depend on where you live? (Surrey)

Tbh I think it is because most of them have older sibling and are second or third children and their parents have real sued how silly it is to try and force 2 year olds to toilet train if they're not ready and are bored of meaningless competitive parenting.

MollyMatey · 22/11/2013 13:02

Because parenting decisions are influenced by what peers/society are doing - if you lived somewhere where delaying potty training was unusual you would be less likely to do it.

PerfectPrincess201 · 22/11/2013 14:11

This reply has been deleted

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Shakey1500 · 22/11/2013 14:27

And why the HELL where someone lives have a blind bit of difference ffs?

Please enlighten us perfectprincess. Actually don't. Just leave the thread and take your discriminatory, inflammatory, useless remarks off into the ether.

PerfectPrincess201 · 22/11/2013 14:30

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gamerchick · 22/11/2013 14:30

Don't rise to it. That's what it wants.

gamerchick · 22/11/2013 14:31

See?! Pretty poor attempt really when you think on it.

SeaDevilscanPlay · 22/11/2013 14:36

Dont poy pressure on yourself OP. He will get it when he is ready. You are doing all the right things.

Could you teach him the makaton sign for toilet if his speech isn't great yet. My DS2 wasn't trained until he was 6 (he has other issues) but he picked up the toilet sign quite quickly, and its easier to do than to try and come up with the right words.

SeaDevilscanPlay · 22/11/2013 14:37

Poy??? Put!

SeaDevilscanPlay · 22/11/2013 14:37

I live on a council estate but at least I can spell feral!

LadyMetroland · 22/11/2013 15:01

I agree about competitive pt. Many other mums I know started early and said they'd managed it - but their child was continuously having accidents. With dd1 I waited til she was really ready and it was a doddle. She's probably had 4/5 accidents in the space of a year.

OP, don't worry about anything. He'll be ready soon enough

lottieandmia · 22/11/2013 15:11

Potty training is one of those things that other people seem to think they have the right to judge what kind of parent you are from. It's pathetic. By the time kids reach 18 or even 10 - who will even care who was trained 3 months earlier than who? It helps that I don't -care what people think of me

lottieandmia · 22/11/2013 15:18

It's the same with everything. When dd1 was 4 months old I took her to a baby group. Another mother leaned over to me and said 'Got her weaned yet?'

cuggles · 13/12/2013 16:25

I tried to pt DD1 at 2 and at 2.4 and finally at 2.7 I just did not give up. We had months and I mean months of accidents and I found it stressful as I think did she. I did it at those ages against my better judgement as I felt peer pressure and also had a mum telling me I would "miss the boat" whatever that means and needed to get on with it. I now have my ds who is 2.7. We are not trying yet as he is resistant to it and my mum is once again telling me I should get on with it but this time I am confident enough to say "think what you like, we will do it when we are ready"..he isnt ready yet and so nor am I! And he certainly has no learning difficulties and I live in a lovely village in a fair sized house with a lovely garden...should I move??? Are we letting the side down? And yes, it is the same with weaning, talking, walking even rolling over!

Lottystar · 23/12/2013 23:30

Perfect Princess, your contribution was? You're just rude and utterly offensive. Yuk.

I am currently trying to train my ds who is 2.9 and after a week he is only just starting to understand that if he doesn't use the potty or toilet he will 'feel' wet. One problem with the modern nappies is that they are so good at keeping them dry, little ones feel quite happy in them and are in no rush to move on. I think it just takes time and it's different experience for every child so try not to feel pressured by anyone. Although I appreciate his is hard but ultimately you know what is right for your child. At the end of the day he will get it when he is good and ready. I have a book which explains potties / toilets with reward stickers, that seems to encourage my ds. Best of luck to you.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 29/12/2013 07:16

Easier said than done but just ignore Mother and MIL, some people have selective memories too (i.e. MIL insists her DC could do lots of things at early ages but FIL remembers differently!!) I know it's a cliche but all kids are different and if your DS is a sensitive little soul it may just take a bit longer. My DS was 3.5 when he started, never went near potty, went straight to training seat on toilet as hated any potty (tried several). My SIL has two DS and insisted they were both toilet trained by 2.5 but still forced them to sit on toilet/potty every 20 mins and both still had loads of accidents by age 4 so in my opinion they weren't really toilet trained and she would have saved her and them alot of trauma but just waiting til they were a bit older!
Continue what you are doing, maybe try toilet seat instead of potty and just keep things casual and relaxed as much as you can. Let him see you using the loo as a normal thing.

Daisy17 · 30/12/2013 12:51

Re earlier potty training in our parents' day - yes, the terry nappies were a factor and yes, we were "potty trained" by 2 - but as my mum herself pointed out, that just meant we weren't in nappies anymore.....the many accidents went on for years! And I still have to turn a tap on sometimes to make myself do a wee!!

Puffykins · 30/12/2013 19:36

I read Potty Training Boys which really helped, and did DS in a week before he started nursery, aged 3 and a bit, i.e. much later than all his friends. He simply hadn't been interested before (and to be honest still wasn't interested then). What ended up working for us was the reward thing, but it would be a different thing each time (I went to the Pound Shop. A lot.) It was the surprise element that kept him motivated. Also the fact that he didn't have to be in pants all day to start with - as the book recommended, we just did a few hours at a time, and built it up. He's now three and a half and reliably dry. Meanwhile DD at one and a half has followed his lead and potty trained herself. Bonus.
You'll get there, when he's ready.

Spottybra · 30/12/2013 19:43

Try a coloured ping pong ball in the loo for him to aim at when weeing. It helped mine turn it into a fun game.

MrsGrasshead · 30/12/2013 20:08

My dd didnt get it until 3.5. Like somebody else upthread was saying, it was peer pressure at nursery that finally did it. We tried numerous times before then without success. In the end I wished we'd just waited. She pretty much got it within a day or two and virtually no accidents since. Hang in there and ignore the doubters. Dd was also born in september. I remember feeling really worried around christmas. By february half term she was dry day and night. It can happen quickly when they're ready.

judy04 · 31/12/2013 01:35

I am so pleased I found this thread I have tried potty training over the holidays andvit has not been a success if anything it has got worse. I finally feel I am not alone thanks to all of you who have posted on here. I should feel that I could cope with the training as this is my third and the other 2 trained fine no problems and were dry by 2.5 but my youngest is nearly 3 just prooves that all children are individuals thanks again

brettgirl2 · 01/01/2014 07:18

I think life is busier and more complicated now. People go out more and use cars more etc meaning that the training/ accidents are harder to cope with.

Also bedwetting is not a new problem, my brother wasn't dry at night till about 7.

Sleepstarved · 04/01/2014 15:43

DD will be 3 next month and we've tried a few gentle approaches, but she screams blue murder when put anywhere near the loo or potty, had a tantrum at being put in big girl pants and fell over trying to get them off, will deny she has done a poo now.
When naked she will moan when she wees on the floor but only because it makes the floor slippery and she is worried she will fall over, she will also happily wonder about in wet clothes without complaining.
No idea what to try next.
She was late with all her milestones and is physically quite weak and uncoordinated.

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