3.2 year old DS not interested in potty & I've been called lazy!

[CJones1982]

My son was 3 in September. I've tried potty training him 3 times now and he simply doesn't seem ready. It's like he doesn't get much warning when he needs to go for a wee, he just looks down and before you know it he's wet himself. He still doesn't have the communication skills to say 'Mum I need a wee' - My mother and MIL are disgusted with the fact that he's not PT as in their day it was by 2 years old! They've said I'm too soft and that I should make him sit on the potty! I would never force him to sit on it as I don't feel that's fair and just forcing the issue. I've tried so many ways, rewards etc and tried for at least 5 days each time. He also hasn't the ability to pull his trousers down too. Is anyone else in my position? I'm not going to rush him if he's not ready but I do feel some pressure as all my friends and family's children are younger and PT. Any advice please?

Learning disability?

My ds1 wasn't out of nappies until 3.2.
He is now predicted outstanding GCSE grades next year.

3 is not that late to be starting to toilet train, a lot of DCs are not ready at 2

Does everyone with children who are late(r) developers feel happy about the expense of carrying on buying disposable nappies/pull ups, which are a major component of landfill sites?

Older generations did seem to manage to 'train' their children earlier - perhaps because disposable nappies are a relatively recent invention, and the labour of dealing with terry nappies at a time when washing machines were luxury items was something that people wouldn't want to continue any longer than necessary.

My eldest son was like this. We stopped for a while and then used to sit him on the toilet on one of the padded seats already mentioned before bath time and have a sing a long. Worked really well turning into the singing wee time. Going to nursery really helped as well, someone has already mentioned peer pressure. All his friends were using the toilet so he wanted to as well. You know when he got it, he was dry at night as well and has never wet the bed. A lot of his friends who were potty trained earlier than him are still not dry at night yet 3 yrs on. Its true what everyone one is saying they all develope at different times and nothing to worry about. Also tried sitting on the potty with a mat down watching his favourite movie, not a good idea as potty got spilled over carpet and had to come on her for advice to get the smell of wee out the carpet. You live and learn.

FrauMoose. Believe me we were trying to get DC1 out of nappies since he was 2 for his development and cost. We had DC2 on the way and the cost was mounting up. When he eventually got it we had DC3 on the way and the thought of having three children in nappies was horrendous, but there was nothing we could do about it he just wasn't ready despite all our efforts.

You're right about the chocolate Idespair

I could talk about my bedwetting stepchildren. But it would be a long story... And it did come to an end after many many years.

Hi op. I took the relaxed approach after trying several times with DS between 2 and 3 and getting nowhere. I tried about 4 different pottys, pull ups, stickers, sitting on the potty reading a story, nothing resulted in even the tiniest yield of wee!

I was discussing it with friends who I felt peer pressure from as all their dc were supposedly potty trained and after discussion I discovered that all of them weren't properly dry. Either they were still wet at night or were having a couple of accidents a week etc. I think I read a very useful thing on mumsnet "start potty training at 2 and a child will be dry by 3, start potty training at 3 and a child will be dry by 3" or something along those lines.

So I completely eases off, told DS where the toilet was but put no pressure on. One Saturday aged approximately 3.4 he declared " mummy I need a wee!' and to my amazement took himself off to the toilet. Well he was in pants by Sunday, had one accident and has never had one since. He took about another month to become dry at night but I took the same approach, just put a nappy on no fuss and then one day he said I don't need a nappy now mummy, and he didnt .

And u don't want to say this to sound smug but at 4 my DS has the bladder and bowel control of an adult. He can literally go all day without going. If he says he needs a wee while out I know I've got at least 20 minutes tonfund a toilet where as my friend who's 4 yr old DS was trained at 2 will say he needs a wee and my friend has like 2 minutes or he'll wee himself.

The relaxed approach certainly worked for us. Good luck Op

You do a catsbum at screaming kids in the supermarket don't you fraumoose?

My DCs were both PT after 3. They just weren't ready earlier. I'm very glad we waited as it was very easy for both of them in the end. I find that with PT as with many other developmental stages, it isn't incremental, rather that there are plateaus and leaps. It seemed that for ages mine just didn't get it. And then one day, they did.

Try to ignore the pressure (I know it's easier said than done!). Remind yourself that all children are different and there is a wide range in the "normal" ages for all sorts of milestones.

I think this is the article I was trying to remember.....

www.theguardian.com/family/story/0,,1944603,00.html

Having had a stake in bringing up three children I'm aware how various thy are. What I am interested in is why - as a rule - we seem to be doing it later now. There's a theory that the absorbency of disposable nappies means that infants are less likely to be aware of what their bladder is doing.

(There are many children in my workplace. Generally I smile at them, and talk to them.)

Why is perfect princess even on mumsnet? If your children are so perfect and fully potty trained why are you even 'contributing' to this thread. He has had all his checks and shows no signs of a learning disability. As for it could be his environment, well if providing a loving family home with various activities indoors and out, then yes I'm obviously doing something so wrong! Let's hope your children are always the first to do everything like little robots being dictated to, at least my LO has character. Go away!

'"start potty training at 2 and a child will be dry by 3, start potty training at 3 and a child will be dry by 3"'

That is not my experience at all. My children were all potty trained by 2. The two girls were very reliable almost immediately.

My son was slightly less reliable possibly because of his speech dyspraxia. He is five and still in nappies at night time but has been dry day time for three years.

Has he seen other children using potty/toilets? I found that helped with my children. I didn't read any books on potty training and according to mumsnet I did it all wrong - used pull ups, never used bribes, didn't wait until they were talking. There is no one single way of potty training all children.

Years ago we were all trained at 2 because we had uncomfortable, wet terry nappies! Nowadays when the wee just disappears into the nappy it's no wonder children are happy to stay in them for longer.

It's hard when people around you are being mean (has happened to me too) but you really do have to ignore them and tell them to mind their own business.

All my children were over 3 when toilet trained. I tried training dd3 many times using all kinds of reinforcers, but ultimately she was the one who decided when she didn't want to wear nappies anymore. She woke up one day and decided she'd had enough of them and that was that. It's much easier to wait until the child makes that decision imo. While you're waiting it can feel like it will never happen, but honestly it will!

Forgot to say, my children were mostly in cloth nappies - I wouldn't say they were uncomfortable but it did make them more aware of being wet.

It's ridiculous to say 'well mine were trained at 2 so everyone else's should be as well'. Some children are trained at 2, but lots aren't.

I've used cloth nappies as well (not all the time) - I would say they are a lot better than cloth nappies were years ago. But yes they will feel wetter than disposables.

Lottie you see I don't agree with saying that if you wait, all children would do as your child did and decide themselves to use the potty.

I am sure that my ds wouldn't have done that. As I said, he still has a nappy at night time, and to be quite honest, he would keep it on all day if I didn't take it off him in the morning.

But if you have tried training with reinforcers and the child won't do it, you cannot do anything else but leave it because it shows they aren't emotionally ready.

In the case of my children, the oldest was trained at 3.5 using a very structured training program (she has autism), the second was successfully trained using reinforcers (but not until she was ready - just over 3 I think) and the third didn't respond to reinforcers at all ad so I left her alone and stopped pressing it.

I don't believe that there are many children who will reach school age and would actually want to still be in nappies. But is true that different children need different approaches.

OP I would say he will get it when he's ready. I've got 3 boys and 1 was trained just before 3, 1 at 3.1 and the other was about 3.7 or 3.8.

I got some comments about ds3, the nursery staff even offered to have a go at pting for me! I said well I don't think he's ready but be my guest... 2 days later they had to admit I was right lol.

I think you have 2 options with pting: you can try before your child is really ready and have a stressful time with lots of accidents or wait until they are ready and crack it in a few days. I tried it the first way once and decided the second way worked better for us!

I do understand the pressure from other people, try and ignore them - you know your child best.

Don't panic! Both of my DSs where well on the way to 4 and I had to force the issue. Not what I had envisioned, not the way I wanted to do it. Bribery did not work either. Tried and came to nought many times before the final push. BTW both where dry at night, but control freaks that they are, they didn't want to be bothered with the whole tan-ta-rah in the day.

Pre-school staff were fantastic with them during this time and very supportive of me. I was very grateful for people's support and lack of judgment.

I second a toilet seat rather than a potty, as they get that they don't fit on a potty. Good luck for when you and he are ready to go for it again. BTW Napisan is fab and will save you buying a lot of new pants!!

Is 3.2 really "on the late side"? I think that is probably pretty average. My ds3 was 3 in October and we've just done it the last few weeks. He really wasn't interested and. As someone said, it was peer pressure from the move to the pre school room at nursery at the same time that did the trick. Ds1 was 2.5 but I was on mat leave and around all day and basically followed him round with a potty. Ds3 was 2.8 but tool months and months for the poos! In hindsight witsh we'd waited with him. If you do it too early it can be a nightmare. If they're ready you can get it done and dusted in a couple of weeks.

Virtually all the just 3 year old boys that went up to preschool after half term with my son are also in the middle of toilet training or not yet started.

I think you are well within the bounds of average don't worry! He may suddenly be up for it in a few weeks.

Shoe whore completely agree about the 2 approaches! I was lucky with an early force with ds1 and he was done and dusted night and day within a week. With ds2 I think it made it much more drawn out and tedious and it went on for bloody months! Ds3 who is 3.1 is in the third week now and pretty much done. Think this is the better approach in hindsight - wait until they are ready.

Also beware of the bullshit - lots of people will tell you that their child is toilet trained when they're not. My SIL for example claim her dc were trained at 18m - but they had nappies on at family occasion up until at least 2 and a half "just in case"

Maybe it depends on where you live flatmum? Certainly where I am there were only one or two children of 70 (who didn't have SEN) who started pre-school in nappies.