I can't do this anymore!

[Monkeyandanimal]

DS will be four in March and has no inclination or interest in using the potty or toilet. He will wee, and sometimes poo, on a potty but the amount of energy and urging and bribery (toys, sweets, biccies, stickers) it takes to get him to sit on it is wearing me down. He never says he needs to go, and when asked or reminded he says no. it is only by huge parental effort that he can be persuaded to try; on a good day, i f i am feeling up to it I can keep him clean and dry in pants. He is obviously able to hold it as I can leave it up to 2 hours between his loo visits sometimes, and he will then do a big wee in pot, having held on to it. On a bad day i won't manage to get him to try at all; he actively cries and fights, and he is too big and tall to get him to do it if he's not cooperating. So lots of wet pants, poo pants.....i'm at my wits end, this has been going on for months. He's in pants most days, but recently i have been putting him back in pull ups as i cant face another shitty day. I am 33 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old DS as well, and i am so so tired of this resistance to toilet training......not sure what to do next. Will i have 3 of them in nappies this christmas?!

Monkey I feel like I could have written your post myself (not pregnant but DS sounds just like yours). I'm also completely out of ideas and losing the plot. DS knows all about toilets and wees and responsibility but he simply CANT BE ARSED. He almost never says he needs a wee and after over a year of perfect pooing we had 2 "shitty pants don't say a word" incidents last week. The only thing we've not tried is going back to pull ups after so long persevering in pants. I'm on your side and here for a bit of moral support if you need it.

Thanks Mono. TBH if he wasn't in nursery i'd stick him back in pull ups full time, but i'm not sure nursery would approve; he's there 3 mornings and usually stays dry, though the staff there have the same issues with the amount of effort it takes to make him go to the loo at intervals. my carpet is wrecked with the number of accidents on it. I think one of the probs is that we are all bored with the PT, its getting harder to show enthusiasm for a 'hit' and all too easy to show anger and frustration over the 'misses'.....

What about taking off the pressure a little bit & dont ask him whatsoever if he needs a wee, dont insist on him going to the toilet, dont comment at all & if he has an accident just say matter of factly 'maybe next time we can do it on the toilet/potty'. Might feel like going back a step but it might lift the stress from you & the pressure from him, putting the onus on him to decide when he wants to go, iyswim?

My ds was pretty reluctant & whenever I asked him he always said no, but the more I asked, the less he wanted to go. By backing off a bit & waiting for him to tell me he needed to go, he suddenly made some real progress.

Also, dont be alarmed if he hasnt needed to go for a good few hours, my ds always surprises my by how long he can hold it in. Some days he will wee on waking in the morning, then it can be 2-3pm before he needs to go again! Hth.x

Aww ladies I feel for you and I'm hoping my ds can get in a flow soon as.. I've got a 10 month old too so finding it hard to juggle wee's on floor and screaming baby he he. My ds can go some days telling me when he needs a wee or most of the time just as he's started in his undies so we wip them off n he finishes on the potty.. Other days he just uses his undies like a nappy it gettin so frustrating.. I'm worried about poos tho.. He's only ever had one on the potty and that was just dumb luck on my part.. I have to keep puttin a nappy on him every morning and night for a hour so he can have a poo and he hides in another room to do it.. We've always tried to make it a normal thing to do poos so I don't understand where the shyness has come from. I suppose it's just going to be a long haul... So much for potty training in a week ha