Expert at peeing - but won't do a poo on the loo!

[chickane]

My son is 3.5yrs and whilst started a bit late is now a fully fledged pant-wearin, peeing on the loo boy. BUT - he refuses - to do a poo on a potty or on the toilet. He went about the transition to pants in his own way (meaning none of the standard advice pages on common parenting websites helped or fitted how he went about it). He decided to start wearing pants at night before he was using a potty or toilet and was easily dry nine nights out of ten - demonstrating he was able to "hold it". Then he slowly progresses to wanting to use a toilet seat and from there quickly become pee-proficient. But now he keeps doing his poos in his pants and really does not want to use the toilet. We have successfully got him to do a poo on the loo twice in about 4 months.

Cleaning up after a poo in pants is awkward and I feel awful when it happens at his pre-school and one of the staff has to cope with changing it.

Any suggestions on how to encourage the poos without it turning into nagging or badgering?

Super thanks.

Sounds like he likes to do things his way. Chat with him about it. You could say that big boys poo on potties and toilets because it's cleaner and more comfy and they don't have to waste playtime getting their nappies changed, but you've noticed he doesn't want to - can he tell you why?

Then you could ask him what he thinks would help him learn to poo on potties and loos, and whether he'd prefer to start with one or the other. The trick with my very independent DS was always to ask his opinion, even as a very young toddler, and let him think he was making the decisions, rather than ever being told what to do.

Or ask if he has any idea when he might feel big enough to make the change, and when he does, to let you know.

Would incentives help (you say the normal ideas didn't work) but you could say that when he's ready, then he'll also be ready to go to Legoland (or somewhere similar) and ride on (whatever attraction most interests him.)

But if he's very individual about stuff, I'd just make sure you know what his thinking is and make sure he knows that you'll help him when he's ready. That way the pressure is off. (We had similar issues with DS1 and dummies. He just refused to get rid of them and I used to get a lot of tutting from people who thought he should have outgrown them. But we chatted and he said he wasn't ready. I asked him to let me know when he was. One day he just trotted into the kitchen and said: I don't need my dummies now mummy. He'd collected them all up and he chucked them in the bin. That was it. I was stunned. But at least we didn't have much tension about it.

I have the same problem with my daughter. She has just turned 3 and has successfully been toilet trained in terms of doing a wee on the potty or toilet but will only poo in her nappy. I put a nappy on her at night and within 5 minutes she is shouting me because she has done a poo and needs changing. Have tried bribes, telling her off, coaxing - at a loss to know what to do next