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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

He is scared of the potty

12 replies

MrsTumble123 · 17/07/2013 20:01

Hello mummies!
This is my first post on mumsnet, but sometimes I read the threads and you are all very helpful. I am hoping you can give me some help today.

My little boy is 24mths. He is a good talker and independent. We have just come back to England from a long holiday in my home country for 8 weeks to see my family. I had not done any potty training before we went, but in my country babies are using potty when they start to walk, so my parents encourage me to potty train my son over there. I was so surprised at how he understood it, and after a few weeks, he was using the potty when we take him and telling us when he needed to make a wee or poo. Then the week before we come home, my son got diarrhoea, and he cry when he was making poo, and then he was crying when we took him to potty. I decided to put him back in nappies until he was better. Then when he was better I tried to make him use potty again but still he cry. On the aeroplane home he was very scared of the toilet as well. My parents said I have ruined it because I put him back in nappys.
Now we are back home, and I am trying again to get him to use the potty but still he is crying. My husband says we should just keep him in nappys because he is scared. my husband is English and he says I potty train him too early. I am frustrated as I know that he is ready, and i know he can do it, because he was doing it so well in my country, he was perfect until he was sick, and today, I left him with no nappy for three hours and he did not have an accident, but again he was too scared to use the potty. I don't want him to go backwards. My husband and my parents are telling me different things.

Can you give me some advise please mumsnet, I am looking forward to hearing from you.

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Original poster

MrsTumble123 · 17/07/2013 20:28

Hello
does anyone have any advice for me please?

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Original poster

MrsTumble123 · 17/07/2013 22:10

Anyone?

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lj123 · 17/07/2013 22:57

Hi Hun, maybe try a step and the toilet seat, that way you can offer the potty and say 'this is for little boys' you can use the toilet now your a big boy.
You can get the special seats for the toilet.
Some kids go through this stage anyway, it could be to do with the changes with holiday etc.
another option is no nappy, no pull ups just pants, as it's warm he can have potty in the garden and having just pants allows them to be more sensitised to what's going on down there.
Sorry I have no other advice x

NomDeClavier · 17/07/2013 23:04

Because he's had a tummy upset he's probably just scared of bodily functions full stop because he associated it with pain. Nappies weren't going backwards - they were a sensible thing to do at the time. Also aeroplane toilets are pretty scary what with the load flush and everything!

I'd be inclined to leave it, have the potty out so he can sit on it with nappy on and not be scared, wait for him to regain a normal bowel pattern and try again in a few weeks.

Pushing it will only make him more afraid.

Original poster

MrsTumble123 · 17/07/2013 23:09

Thank you so much, I will look at getting a toilet seat now. We had him with no nappy today and he was happy but he still refused potty and he cry when he made a wee on the sofa. How can i get him to stop being so scared? Thank you for advise!

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Original poster

MrsTumble123 · 17/07/2013 23:10

Nom clavier how long you think I should leave it? Also should I just leave it completely or still be encouraging him?

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englishbreakfast · 17/07/2013 23:11

I would suggest you leave it for a bit. It will do him no to wait especially if it's distressing him. I'd be careful about making negative associations. I'm also from a country where babies are potty trained early. DM's friends have started asking me about my DD's potty training since she turned 12 month . DD is now 2y 4m and we are just starting now (with no great success I might add), so we'll see how it goes. But if things don't progress after a week, I'd be happy to leave it for a month or so...

englishbreakfast · 17/07/2013 23:12

meant to say - will do him no harm to wait

NomDeClavier · 17/07/2013 23:13

Well personally I'd wait 2 weeks or so but if he's still scared of pooing or seems in pain when he goes I'd leave it longer.

Keep the potty out, tell stories about it, encourage him to use it like a chair so he doesn't associate it with pain and diarrhoea and generally let him get used to the idea again, but don't systematically try putting him on without a nappy.

Original poster

MrsTumble123 · 17/07/2013 23:17

Oh ok, thank you so much for this advise. My husband also has said we should wait some more time, but I wanted to hear from some other mummies to make sure. I think we will go back to nappies then try potty training again in a couple of weeks. Can I also ask you, how old was your children when you did potty training?

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NomDeClavier · 17/07/2013 23:31

We are currently potty training at 26mo but in a very relaxed way because we're also spending the summer visiting grandparents! Potty training and travel aren't very compatible I'm finding.

In a professional capacity I've trained children from 18months to 4 years old.

cloudhands · 18/07/2013 07:13

Hi mrs tumble. I don't think using Nappies was going backwards. It sounds like he got the hang of potty training really well and he can do it avain.
Sounds like he got a bit upset about being ill and the travel, he is associating these fears with the potty but it actually has nothing to do with the potty.
I would suggest gently taking him to the potty but not forcing him to use it, just sit there and ask if be wants to use the potty. Maybe have some stuffed toys that can try out the potty first or run away scared from it. This will help him to release some of the fears that have built up around using the potty.
If he starts to cry, then I would just stay there looking at the potty, checking it out, gently talking to him and suggesting he might use it but not forcing him.
Crying is actually a natural healing process, stress hormones are released in tears, and if you can simply be with him as he cries he'll be able to cry and release all that upset and stress around potties and illness.
Hope this helps!

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