Especially militant toddler won't get with the program. What else can I do?

[MrsFrumble]

He's 2.7. I know that he's physically ready. When we're at home I leave him naked, and he takes himself off and wees in the potty with no reminders from me and no accidents at all. Problem is that he is incredibly stubborn and it has to be 100% on his terms. He will absolutely not sit on the potty on demand, and he will absolutely not wear pants. I tried getting tough this morning and wrangled a pair on to him and he just deliberately wee'd in them straight away!

He seems impervious to the usual persuasions - nappies are for babies and he's a big boy now, Thomas the Tank Engine pants, rewards etc. He loves reading Pirate Pete's Potty, but when I ask him if he wants to be like Pirate Pete he just gives me a withering look and wanders off. What can I do? Obviously we can't stay at home for the rest our lives, and I can't take him out naked! How do we move forwards?

Sorry he won't wear trousers either? Can't he commando? Does he have to wear pants just for now?

My DD is extremely wilful and did not potty train until she was 3 and started preschool. Once she saw the other kids all going to the toilet, she wanted to go too because she didnt want to be different to them. Preschool were very good about it and helped to get her past that final stage. She was trained within 1 month of starting and only had a couple of accidents.

Prior to that, she would sit on the potty all day, then get off and poo on the carpet beside it :(

I just had to keep her in pullups until she was ready. There was no other option, as she would just wee in her pants otherwise.

Wishiwas, I hadn't considered that. I'll give it a go tomorrow, but I fear that - despite Pirate Pete and following me to the loo all day - he just doesn't get the idea of pulling his his bottoms down and sitting on the potty. He seems to think that if he's not naked it's okay to just pee as if he's wearing a nappy.

Skyeskyeskye, part of me wishes I could accept that he's just not mentally or emotionally ready and leave it for a few months, but I feel under pressure to have him trained now he's 2 and a half. I'm hoping to start him in daycare 1 or 2 days a week soon so maybe the influence of other children will benefit him like it did for your daughter.

His militancy isn't confined to potty training. Eating, sleeping, and absconding at every chance he gets are daily battlegrounds, so I don't know why I thought this would be any different!

Sounds familiar! Reading this with interest as my DS is 3.3 now and we still have this issue - naked he is 100% dry and clean, no reminders needed. Any form of clothing and its constant accidents, we've tried everything we can think of and its been going on nearly 6 months!

I have to get it sorted asap, he starts pre-school in September and if they aren't fully trained they may take away his place.............

Have you shown him how to pull his pants off? Shown him how you and DH use the loo? Encouraged him when he's tried? What about stickers as bribery? With heaps of praise?
He's probably feeling your pressure and wees as he does because you give him a reaction. If he wees his pants, replace them with no fuss. Say "pants down on the potty next time". My ds struggled with the pants bit at first. I had to help him for the first few months. If he said he needs a wee we ran to the potty (I think pants might delay when they know they need to go) and made a game of it. Then a sticker for a wee.

I read a tip that you should say 'push' your pants down, rather than 'pull' as children can be confused.

2.7 seems early to be stressing about this...

Ok so maybe in some respects he's ready but in other's he's not.

Why not let him wear pull ups, give him a reward every time he goes to the potty instead of using his pull ups but not stress about it. At the moment by being stressed about it you are giving him the power; he knows that this is something that seems important to you so not doing as you want is a way for him to push back and try to regain control of the situation.

If you remove the angst and stress then there's no reason for him to get stressed or controlling about it either.

Also - have you tried a toddler seat on the toilet? My ds both loved using it much more than the potty (so long as it was padded, had handles and a little wee guard at the front) and so much easier for you than having to mess around with emptying and cleaning the potty. Oh, and a step up to the loo too - ds2 still need the step and toddler seat - otherwise he falls through - and he's 5 so it's something that can get used for a long time.

Neither of my 2 ds were ready to start potty training until they were about 3.5 although both would use the potty earlier than this at nursery. And whilst nursery would be encouraging them all to use the potty from 2.5-ish they didn't stress about having to use it and certainly used to find that typically most of the boys weren't ready think about potty training until they were about 3-3.5. And even once they were ready - Ds1 took a week, ds2 took a bit longer.

Good luck!