We have sorted the wee's, not the poo's!

[KatandCariad]

Hello mumsnetters!

Long time reader, first time writer. Am hitting a brick wall with my DD's toilet training. She has been wearing her Big Girl Knicks for 4 weeks now, and the wee's are sorted, had maybe 4 wet accidents after week 1.

However, she poops her knickers every single day. She is full time in nursery (we have asked them to stop throwing her pooey knicks away and send them home in nappy bags for washing because it is becoming an expensive habit!)I don't want to revert back to pull-ups or nappies because I know full well that they'll make her lazy and she will stop going to the toilet to wee.

We are rewarding via a sticker chart, with small prizes/treats for 5 days of using the toilet in a row. Even the allure of double stickers for pooping on the toilet isn't helping. I could really use some expert advice? Nursery are very mellow saying 'she will get it eventually' but they are also the ones who have to remove the dirty knicks 5 days out of 7, so I am wanting to get this sorted for them as much as for us!!!

Many thanks in advance,

K&C xx

Forgot to mention, she will be 3 in May so not an unreasonable time to be doing this, right??

Hi, in similar position with DD 3.5. She uses the potty / loo to wee but holds onto poo's until she has a pull up on at nightime. She seems a bit freaked out by it - she says 'the poo is too big for the potty' - so I've told her she can use the loo but she says 'DD is too little to do that'. So we are at a bit of a stale mate. Don't want to make it into a huge issue - but we're not progressing. Sorry, this isn't advice is it? Maybe someone else will come on with some ideas.

We had this.

What we found is that she couldn't stand the potty, and couldn't stand people hovering over her waiting to poo. Privacy and time alone in the toilet helped! She liked a toilet seat and a step, so she could do it for herself. When she finally got it, about two weeks in, she totally got it and never pooed in her pants again (bar the odd, very rare, accident).

We're in this situation as I type

I knew he needed a poo all morning, kept taking him to the toilet, tried to make it lighthearted/ talking about other things to keep his mind off it. He didn't go an just got off the toilet (toilet seat+step).

He chose the time I was putting baby dd down for a nap to do a poo in his pants. I could smell it as soon as I came in the room. Really hard not to show anger/ frustration esp as he's been weeing really well for the past month.

He's 2.8 and starts nursery in 2 weeks so don't want it to be an issue. Worried they wont understand when he needs to go because its not always a straight forward 'I need the toilet'

So I know how frustrating it is! Hope we can all get answers.

Yes, we have this too, after 9 months of starting potty training. DS is 3.2. We literally have tried everything.

Well, I thought by putting it out publically in a forum had given us the answer, because last Sunday she used the potty for a poop no problem! We were over the moon, and even she said 'you're proud of me aren't you mummy?' to which I obviously squeaked in delight that I was, which seemed to please her no-end.

Rest of the week? No such luck. SO frustrating!!! Am looking for the signs - fidgeting, holding her tummy (she said she had a hurty tummy just before our successful event) and (very pleasantly) smelly wind. Still nothing. She even had an accident yesterday whilst standing RIGHT NEXT to her potty. Have tried to encourage her to sit on the toilet when she feels she needs to poo (as she went straight to toilet seat and step when we put on big girl knicks and totally bypassed the potty - she still only wee's on the toilet which is a good thing). Will follow AmandaPayneNeedsaHoliday's advice and leave her to it (maybe with a little box of magazines/books in the bathroom to encourage giving herself a while in one place?). Finger's crossed... But any further advice appreciated!! xx

I'm sorry, I've no answers either. I've actually just had a cry because I've spent the last two hours coaxing, encouraging etc, for a poo on the toilet. It has been seven months since my son has been out of nappies for wees, and for seven months he has insisted on having a nappy on for a poo. Otherwise, he holds it in until he goes grey in the face, or he poos in his pants, which must happen 4 or 5 times a week. He says it is 'too hard' to poo on the toilet - too difficult. He has done one poo on the potty in seven months and one poo on the toilet on holiday last September when my mum took him, unbeknown to her that he had any kind of issue. He is 3 years, 3 months.

I cried today, after he went to bed, because yesterday he came home with a trophy from nursery because he had 'done a poo in the toilet'. He was so pleased with his trophy, and we gave him lots of praise and excitement, on what a clever boy he was. I was so happy, and I really thought he might be able to do it. But no, there was no change at home today. He said he needed a poo at breakfast time, and we have tried on the toilet all day, and still he has gone to bed not having done a poo because i have not put a nappy on him. He has been doing poo marks all day, even on my clothes and the carpet (I've given him a cuddle when he's had his pants off etc), but I just wouldn't put a nappy on. I don't know, I just felt that I couldn't any more put nappies on. And if he could do a poo at nursery...

I'm finding it so self-destroying and depressing and upsetting. I am sick of washing clothes with poo in. I'm tired of sorting pooey nappies for a 3.3 year old. I'm getting so much conflicting advice; don't make a deal of it, do make a deal of it, let him have a nappy, throw the nappies away...Obvisously I've tried treats, incentives, reward charts. None of it makes a difference. I'm beginning to worry we might have a real issue here.

I have absolutely no idea what to do. I worry that he will still be pooing in nappies when he goes to school. I worry that by doing nothing we are just assisting his phobia. I worry that by doing something we are traumatising him (he cried and screamed more than I've ever seen him tonight, and wails for daddy when daddy's not in, which breaks my heart). I am all round stuck, crestfallen, feel incompetent, failing, potentially doing a damage, pissed off, sad and probably quite depressed.

You probably won't be surprised to hear that I have a 13 month old baby, and am quite sleep deprived as he is still up once or twice a night. I am juggling work with looking after two small children for long days on my own. Boyf is supportive, but isn't here on the weekdays pretty much until story time at night.

If anyone could give me any ideas, support, anything, I would appreciate it. Perhaps don't blast me for being crap, because i really don't think i could take it.

Just feeling your pain... no ideas because i'm in the same place with DD. Generally manages wees ok, although even with those she has regressed to potty rather than loo, but poos are a no no. Like your DS, Tess,mine says doing a poo on the loo is 'too hard', or that the poo is too big. I think she's frightened of it. Have done all the 'poo goes to pooland' stuff - which she loved, but didn't help. She has pull ups at night and will hold it until she goes to bed. She is 3.6 now and shows no signs of getting over this. I apparently had similar issues when I was little, but my mum says i just grew out of it, somewhere before 5 years old. Am hoping it won't take that long with DD - but am really really stuck on what else i can try.

Yes, I'm totally stuck too. Thanks for your message CC.

I'm curious as to why I am so upset about it. If they all grow out of it eventually, why can't I just go with the flow? I think it's perhaps a combination of being tired and pissed off myself with not quite trusting that it will solve itself of it's own accord. Plus, some have said to me I should be firm about not letting him have a nappy. So, I'm confused I think, about what to do.

It would be great to hear from someone out there who had gone longhaul with something like this - years even - with it righting itself in the end.