Major regression after 6 weeks, I'm at my wits end - should I give up?

[Janine1081]

Hi all,

This is my first post and it's a little bit long but please bear with me - I'm sitting here in tears feeling a complete failure.

I'm tearing my hair out and getting so stressed about whether I'm doing the right thing and why potty training is suddenly going wrong. Any suggestions/reassurance/comments - any thing at all please tell!

DS 2 has been potty training for 6 weeks, since the start of the summer holidays - he's just about 2 and a half and wanted to be a big boy. After a couple of weeks we thought we had cracked it. A few accidents when he was distracted but nothing much to worry about.

He even started to have dry nappies at night, and asked us to take them off - he has never wet the bed at night since.

Then the accidents started to become more frequent - first wees, then poos.

Now, over the last 3 weeks he has completely regressed, to the point where I dread taking him out. Some days we'll have no accidents at all, and others it's like he's never been out of nappies before. Poos are the major issue and I am now completely at my wits end.

It's not like he is unaware of his body as he had been doing so well. Sometimes he'll tell me he's doing a poo when it's too late. Sometimes he'll go to his potty, do a poo (to great praise, stickers and chocolate buttons), then 20 minutes later he'll be pooing in his pants and doesn't even tell me. I'll ask him if he's done a poo and he'll just say yes. Sometimes he'll be playing and I'll realise he's been quiet for a minute and he'll swear blind he hasn't done a poo when he has. Other times he'll go and hide somewhere.

Yet he'll still go to the potty 80% of the time and wee.

He is due to start preschool this coming Tuesday and he can't wait. But when I spoke to the leader today and told her he still wasn't clean she says he has to go in a pull up. Which goes against everything I read and my gut feeling. I feel it will just confuse him even more. So I don't know whether to put my foot down and decide to keep him back until he's more reliable or let it go and hope for the best.

His older brother has just started school and I am tearing my hair out in the mornings as no matter how long he sits on the potty, quite happily, at some point there will be poo all over the floor, usually as I'm trying to get dressed or get out the door. The health visitor says not to get cross with him but it's getting so hard not to get angry and I have told him off the last 3 days - which I know is wrong but I am getting so stressed!

Also our new baby is due in 9 weeks and I'm so conscious of getting him toilet confident and happy beforehand because I would expect him to regress a little for attention. And the longer it takes the more I wonder if I should just forget about it completely.

I have been very stressed recently and am seeking help as the Dr suspects I have had a mini-breakdown. But I now have SureStart, midwife and health visitor support. All who have said keep calm, lots of praise etc and no nappies.

Now I'm so upset about preschool saying he has to have pull ups that i feel I have completely failed and don't know what to do. Hubby says we should either insist on him wearing pants there or keep him back. But he is so looking forward to going and I wanted to get him settled before the baby's born so he doesn't feel he's been replaced.

Anyway. I've gone on too much. Sorry. Maybe it's just getting off my chest is helping and it will all seem better in the morning!

xx

Hopefully getting it all out here helped!! I can feel the frustration coming out of your post.

I feel your pain. My DS is 3.7. I potty trained him at 3.3. In this time, he has only done about 4 or 5 poos in the loo and not in his pants. That's 4 months of cleaning out poo from underpants. He started at kindergarten about 6 weeks ago, and they basically 'suggested' that he go back to pull-ups until it was dealt with, and like you, that went against every one of my instincts. However, I didn't feel it was their job to clean out shitty underpants, so we've done it. Pull-ups on kindy days only.

DH and I both very firmly feel that there is absolutely zero point getting mad at him. It is ludicrously difficult not to let your complete frustration with the situation show, but it is not going to do a single thing to help fix the problem. It's probably only going to make it worse.

We've finally found a solution, but it's not one that will work for many people. DD turned 2 last month and of course has been witness to his potty training, and our continual pleas to tell us when he needs to do a poo and that we will help him, rather than do it in his underpants. We decided to potty train her, in the hope that she might pick it all up very quickly, having seen her brother go thought it all. Risky little game since she is young, and it could have ended up with two sets of underpants being cleaned up daily. However, as my gut told me, she has taken to it like a duck to water - started training a week ago, and haven't had a single accident since day 3, all poos in the potty and even waking us at night to use the potty rather than go in her nappy. Of course, it could all go horribly wrong and she might regress! But hopefully not.

Anyway, DS is now wanting to do his poos in the toilet as well, on the back of her success. Finally, after 4 months, we've had a breakthrough.

All I can suggest is stay calm if you possibly can. Deep breaths, and some sort of mantra that it won't last forever. He will get there in his own time. Bribery, lavish praise, treats, rewards, whatever it takes. As a reassurance, going back into pull-ups for those couple of days didn't have the awful impact that Gina Ford suggests I thought it would, so maybe give yourself a little break over that one, if it eases the pressure a bit.

You have my full sympathies!!