Has anyone tried a "hard ass" approach to potty training ? Am rapidly running out of ideas.

[MelanieWiggles]

DS1 is 3.2 and thus far has refused point blank to even sit on the potty for me. I have had several abortive attempts to potty train.

We tried to go cold turkey on it back in February but DS2 was only 2 months at the time and the stress of it all got too much for me. Since then I have tried a number of approaches.

Gentle coaxing hasn't worked. Bribery hasn't worked (he even walked away from something I know he REALLY wanted rather than give in). Making a game out of it didn't work. Peer pressure hasn't worked.

At this stage I think it is not the case that he isn't ready - it is a combination of a power struggle with me and he just (excuse the pun) can't be arsed. When they asked him to sit on the potty at his creche he said "no, it's boring".

I am going back to work in November and I really want him trained by then as otherwise it will be Christmas before I have enough time at home to focus on it. In any case, I really don't think he will be any more ready then than he is now.

At this stage I think all I am left with is basically saying 'that's it, no more nappies' and being very firm with him (to the point of putting on the bold step almost ?), which seems to go against all the advice.

Has anyone gone down this route ? Am I crazy ?

Leave him in nappies, don't make a big issue of it, then he might decide he wants to do it himself.

I know of a couple of children where toileting became a real issue and one child was still having accidents at school or getting terrible constipation, both at the age of 5, and I know both parents in those situations were quite stressed and trying to force the issue. I'm not saying that's what will happen of course, just that you might not want to make it any worse.

Good luck.

I had to say 'no more nappies' with DS. I showed him how many were left and said I wasn't buying anymore because he is a big boy and babies wear nappies, so he had a little countdown. When they ran out, that was it, he went into pants.

The first couple of days were hard, lots of asking him if he needed to go etc, he also was not subtle when he needed to go (lots of jiggling, crossing legs and holding himself) He wouldn't sit on the potty so we just went straight to the toilet and he used that instead. About day 3 he clicked and got it.

I presume 'bold step' is autocorrect from naughty step? I didn't use that as a punishment, more positive reinforcement and bribery, unless he deliberatly wets/soils himself. He was doing that because he could see how stressed I was about it all, so I pretended that it wasn't a big deal and he stopped.

Good luck, it's bloody difficult when they get it into their heads to be stubborn!

November is aaaaages away in little child time so don't stress yourself.
Loads of 3 yo I know aren't potty trained yet.

If it's a power struggle I'd back off completely but get in some subtle bribes. Big boy pants in his favourite character? Put on display but ONLY to be worn by big boys who sit on the potty.

Or maybe scrap the potty altogether and go straight to toilet. My DS was pretty indifferent to the potty - I think he saw it as a baby thing than none of the rest of the family used. He was much more happy to use the toilet - especially as I took him with me and he saw me and DH sitting on the loo - so it was normal behaviour.

Also DS looked like he was potty trained - went completely to pants but then had 2-5 accident a day so I just put him back in pull-ups with no comment at all (from me to him). A month later he took off his pull-ups and went dry almost overnight. I think it is a timing and attitude thing.
Rember it is an unusual person who can win a battle of wills with a toddler so try not to get into that situation.

Good luck!

I tried a 'hard ass' approach with my DS. He was 3 and a bit. It was an awful time, upset both of us, and didn't work at all. My Mum had to come and stay with us after a few days as he wouldn't even look at me, let alone comply with where I wanted him to poo. When I backed off, he did it by himself, but went straight to a toilet, rather than a potty. My mum said that he would be fine by the time he started school, and he was. I wouldn't recommend it.

Try a step up loo seat the first two listed here?

I agree you probably need to back off a bit, so that the issue isn't an important battle of will between you. If you decide to 'no more nappies' then the important thing is that you clean up any mess totally unemotionally so he gets no 'reward' from you for doing the wrong thing (sure fire attention, even bad attention can be a reward IYSWIM). And good reward only for going in the right place, not for being clean/dry for any length of time, for that inadvertently encourages withholding and that in itself can store up problems as he will also learn to override physical clues of when he needs to go (later problems of incessant leakage and/or bedwetting).

Thanks for all the replies, much appreciated. I hear what you are saying about backing off, however I have put him under very little pressure for the last few months and we have still no progress and, in some ways, I think he enjoys the status quo - where he doesn't have to stop what he's doing to go to the bathroom.

I may still give it a go again, but will take on board about the positive reinforcement and the lack of attention for accidents.

Thanks again.