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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

No accidents because he's holding it in...

21 replies

GaryTankCommander · 20/08/2012 12:34

My DS is doing really well in the fact that we have has 100% success yesterday and today so far, but he's holding it in, I know he is. :(

He did a poo and a large wee in the potty this morning and nothing since. I'm trying to get him to sit on the potty but he just says 'I don't need potty, I don't need wee'... And gets very upset. But he must do by now.

What can I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 20/08/2012 14:43

Bump.

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Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 20/08/2012 17:31

No...

Oh well we just had major meltdown because he wouldn't go on the potty but it was obvious he needed to he had crossed legs, holding his willy, jumping up and down.

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Indith · 20/08/2012 17:37

It is very normal for little children to hold it in, they just struggle to prioritise really and don't want to leave their game/the TV or whatever to go to the loo.

I have found that with a child like that telling not asking works best to establish a routine so for example "everyone do a wee and wash hands before lunch" and you go to the loo too so you all go together. Chocolate buttons as a reward never go amiss either .

Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 20/08/2012 17:48

Thank you a reply... I'm tearing my hair out. Okay. That's the plan tomorrow, not to say 'do you need a wee' but instead... 'time for a wee' and try to do it with a schedule! Thank you!

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newlark · 20/08/2012 20:45

How old is he? I've just started a second attempt at training ds (who is nearly 4) as we have a couple of quiet weeks before he goes back to pre-school. He had two accidents yesterday and one today but is holding out for several hours before I can persuade him to try. Once he gets bored with the novelty of new pants I can see him just refusing to try.

5madthings · 20/08/2012 20:57

my ds4 was like this and still is at age 4, he can go all day without a wee once he has one in the morning. he will NOT wee when out of the house so waits till we get home, i have never seen a boy wee so much when he does go!

tbh i am not sure what you can do other than encourage him to go and get him to drink loads! ds4 has a bladder of steel which is good in some ways but i dont think holding on to the point of busting is very good for him, i havent worked out how to stop him doing it tho!

Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 20/08/2012 21:17

He's 2.6. I'm guessing he will have to go eventually and hopefully it'll be on the potty. I'm worried I've pressured him and he's now frightened to wee.

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moogalicious · 20/08/2012 21:19

bribery rewards. Always works

Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 20/08/2012 21:42

Even bribery failed today... Tomorrow is another day, let's just hope it was a glitch day.

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newlark · 20/08/2012 21:52

Good luck for tomorrow :)

Indith · 21/08/2012 06:50

Good luck!

pigleychez · 21/08/2012 14:04

I share your pain!

DD2 is 2.3 and wants to wear big girl pants, has the control and will sit on the potty but when it comes to actually letting go on the potty she refuses!
She too holds it for ages and ages untill she physically bursts. Her nap time and night nappies are full because she hold on till then.

We had a small breakthrough last night with a wee on the potty. After spending the day with her friend who is also potty training and seeing her doing lots of wee's we thought that may have been the thing to spur her on but no :( back to square one today.

Its sooooo frustrating! I feel like im doing something wrong.
No amount of bribery is working! We went loopy with the praise and rewards after last nights wee but all to no avail.
Im really running out of ideas and its getting me down.

BertieBotts · 21/08/2012 14:07

DS did this too. We used to have to announce "I need a wee now, I hope nobody beats me [to the toilet]!" - he loved a race, so he'd immediately go.

An embarrassing side effect of this though was that he used to tell people "I didn't do a wee, so Mummy beat me!" (he used to mix up cause and effect so so/because etc would all be the wrong way around)

Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 21/08/2012 15:21

I've just posted in children's health I'm now freaking out the he may have a UTI or bladder infection because he's developed a fever (coincidence?) - bloody google!

He has had two small wees today but only because he was desperate and went on the floor.

I'm worried I'm buggering up his bladder and bowels, he won't go back into nappies now so I'm stuck!

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LIttleMissTickles · 21/08/2012 15:31

Gary, I've been here with DD1. Honestly, the answer is to relax about it all! Mine went over 24 hours without going at all, and I got more and more stressed, which of course made it worse for her. Trust me on this, just relax completely, go out as you would normally, encourage plenty of fluids, and be grateful that you don't have to hang around the potty all day!

He clearly has a bladder made of steel, accidents are unlikely while you're out, stretch it a good few hours before you mention it at all, and if he says he doesn't need to go, just accept it and leave it!!! I know this is very hard to do, but force yourself and the whole process will normalise so much faster! FWIW, my DD1 still has amazing capacity to delay loo visits, but it's all good.

Good luck!

Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 21/08/2012 16:51

Thank you.

I'm becoming quite stressed can you tell!

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Twiceover · 22/08/2012 16:01

My DD did this. For 11 days she refused to go on the potty at all and would hold on until she burst. Gradually over the 11 days she got less stressed about it and started having more wee accidents (weirdly we had to take this as a positive!!). And then on day 12 something just clicked, she did a wee on the potty and hasn't looked back. I wouldn't like to go through those 11 days again - it was very stressful! Good luck!

mcyawny · 22/08/2012 21:41

For those who persevered with children who held it in- did you still put nappies on overnight and during naps and trips outside the house?

Because I think my dd would get away with holding it in until those times, and therefore never giving me the opportunity to get her on the potty.

Pigleychez - just saw your reply on the thread I started about exactly this but not answered as this one has more traffic. I'm in the exact same situation as you and not sure whether to continue or wait a bit.

Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 23/08/2012 00:15

With my DS he's only going in a nappy at night, i told him nappies are for bedtime. When we go out he's in pants, I'm actually hoping or accidents... But they're not happening.

Currently debating whether or not to give up for now...

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Original poster

GaryTankCommander · 23/08/2012 00:17

My DS doesn't have naps by the way, but he's fallen asleep in the car and not wet himself. I want him to have accidents. Instead he dances around the room with his legs crossed desperately trying not to wee.

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BertieBotts · 23/08/2012 00:28

I did put nappies on at night but I can't remember what happened with trips out. I don't think he did have them on because we bought size 6 and told him they were special ones and you could only wear them after 6 o'clock, he accepted this quite happily, especially when told that the other ones that he used to have were now too small.

For ages DS refused to poo anywhere apart from a nappy though (I have no idea how this worked out in his mind with the size 6 nappies, but it somehow did) so he probably did wees then as well. I do remember a couple of times that he'd hold it for so long he'd end up wetting himself when we were away from home and got so upset and it ended up so traumatic that we just avoided the situation. (And equally the pooing was making him constipated and I worried about his health so gave in with the nappies) It didn't seem to be helping at all, he didn't seem to make the connection that using the toilet/potty would avoid the whole accident scenario so it just made him more upset about the whole thing. I do remember a phase of going everywhere with 2 or 3 complete changes of spare clothing though.

The breakthrough in the end wasn't bribes or encouragement or anything, I read about putting cheerios in the toilet as "target practice" and so told him about this as a new game and it just worked... I found that encouragement or even showing I was pleased seemed to put him off almost, so I treated it as something not to even comment on and he just did it. In fact that was when the "race" tactic came into it's own once he knew he could do it.

Potty training was such a horrible blur and a nightmare but we got through it, they all get there in the end. I was doubly stressing out because we were given a deadline to get it sorted by the time he started nursery, which was less than 2 months! He wasn't clean with poos but he would hold on until he had a nappy on. He's 4 in October and still won't do one away from home, though.

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