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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

I'm finding it hard to not get cross at accidents :-(

20 replies

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 16/08/2012 19:12

I don't need to be told why I shouldn't punish accidents

but I'm finding it hard :-( how long will this last? he is definitely deliberately doing accidents to be naughty! he does it when he's peeved about not being given something or being told off about something else, he can be dry so long as he's not in an "acting out" mood

:-(

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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frazzledbutcalm · 16/08/2012 22:04

How old is he?

Original poster

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 12:38

3.5

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frazzledbutcalm · 17/08/2012 16:33

Does he definitely seem ready? I had no prob at all with my 4 but my sister had probs with her 1. He didn't really get it until 3.5. If he's having accidents then he may just not be ready. If he's definitely doing it deliberately then that's much harder to deal with! Personally, I would punish the 'accidents' as they're not accidents if he's doing it deliberately ... timeout in another room for 3 mins ... FWIW my dd then aged 2.5 just decided not to go to the loo anymore. For months I tried everything, then on the day of her brothers birthday I said "how about we try to have dry knickers all day today for your brothers birthday". Ok she said, AND SHE DID!! Never did it again! Stubborn awkward little madam good girl
I'm not sure how you'll overcome it but that's how it worked for me.

IslaValargeone · 17/08/2012 16:36

Completely the opposite advice from me re frazzled's comment.
I would clean up his deliberate accidents without comment to not make his attention seeking bahaviour worthwhile.

Maamekin · 17/08/2012 16:39

If he is doing it deliberately, then it isn't an accident. If you can be absolutely sure it is deliberate, then I would punish that, (but obviously not punish genuine accidents - the main thing is knowing which is which!)

Original poster

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 18:12

It is deliberate, he can be perfectly dry, he gets it! he does it when he's annoyed about something.

so conflicting ideas: punish or ignore...

I think it is very much attention seeking - if I leave him alone and go for a shower he ALWAYS "punishes me" for sodding off for 5 mins by having an accident, then running in to show me laughing naughtily!

OP posts:

IslaValargeone · 17/08/2012 18:14

I shall definitely reiterate my ignore policy in that case.

Original poster

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 18:18

I have to shower at 10p-sodding-m when DH gets in - if I don't shower during the day he is more likely to stay dry.. so long as we don't fall out over something else..

he did it yesterday (after trotting off to do his wees nicely all day) when his dad came in from work but had to go straight out again for an evening meeting - once he realised that his dad hadn't just popped out for a min he started acting up in lots of ways including weeing on the sofa!

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Original poster

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 18:20

(sorry that isn't clear, most evenings his dad gets home at 10pm but yesterday he got home early but it was a quick change and out again)

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IslaValargeone · 17/08/2012 18:24

Crikey! I can imagine how difficult it must be to not blow your top in situations like that. It's certainly behaviour that you wouldn't want to go unpunished.
Maybe it's worth doing really over the top praising when he's good, and not giving one iota of a reaction when he's attention seeking? Easier said I know.

IslaValargeone · 17/08/2012 18:25

He does seem to be holding you to ransom somewhat though.
Without wishing to seem critical, perhaps you need to turn things around a bit and show him that you make the rules, not him.

Original poster

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 18:26

he has a star chart, 3 wee in toilet or potty stars = jelly and ice-cream, each poo in toilet or potty = a sweetie. And lots of CLEVER BOY!!
maybe all the extra sugar is affecting his behaviour?

OP posts:

IslaValargeone · 17/08/2012 18:28

I'm not the world's biggest sugar fan, but I reckon unless he's pooing 10 times a day, a sweetie won't do too much harm.

frazzledbutcalm · 17/08/2012 21:00

Does he have good bedtime etc? Just a bit confused as to whether he's awake when his dad gets home at 10pm? It's hard to say how to deal with deliberate wees, like I said earlier my dd went through this and absolutely NOTHING I tried made any difference. I guess because he's showing you what he's done he clearly does want attention of some kind. I'd change him, put wet things away without any talking or even looking at him, and just with a straight face, no smiles but no frowns either. That way he gets absolutely nothing from his little shenannigans

Original poster

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 21:05

he goes to bed between 7 and 8
DH came home early yesterday, before 7, but just to change and leave again - that set DS off
Being a bit dramatic about 10pm shower, can have it any time after DS goes to bed and settles, but its summer and my home is always baking hot and have a memory foam mattress (it does have a cooling cover - but still!) so sometimes having washed the night before doesn't cut it IYKWIM. When I do have a daytime shower I literally splash myself because I know what's comming re-DS, but even if its a 3 min shower he does it, I've tried putting him on the potty in the bathroom while I shower but he leaves it dry runs into the sitting room to do it! , then I don't feel so freshly showered on the way to wherever we're going because I have to scrub the carpet!
it is sort of resulting in us doing less, and me doing less with him because he's making it such a ball ache to get out the door, which of course is making him more angry at me because we both have cabin fever...

its all going wrong, we used to have a nice little life!

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frazzledbutcalm · 17/08/2012 21:23

Have you tried sternly but calmly telling him what effect this has on you? Would he sit in the bathroom with you while you shower? Can you possibly 'draw' pictures on you cubicle door for him to see?

Original poster

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/08/2012 21:27

no he runs to the sitting room

at the moment I'm swinging between ignoring, and calmly explaining that its not good to make the carpet wet etc.. or now he can't wear his thomas pants any more because they are wet and have to go in the washing machine.. but my fuse is getting very short! I want to yell and sit him in the naughty corner

and as a result my fuse is short all round and I am not as calm as I used to be/would like to be about other things that I'm "allowed" to discipline. Have had a few fishwife moments

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frazzledbutcalm · 17/08/2012 21:37

When my dd went through this similar stage I tried every single thing possible, but to no avail. She was quite bizarre/strange in that she would never go round the house with no clothes on (aged just 2), I don't know why she was like this but she absolutely HAD to have clothes on at all times. So one day I played the 'every pair of knickers are wet so you now have none left, therefore you have to go round naked' card. I can't emphasise enough how this, for her, was her absolute worst nightmare ever. She calmly stood there and said that's ok. And she walked round naked! For the first time in 2.5 years!! HV said as she's so strong willed she will always do what it takes to put the ball back in my court to deal with. I think your ds is the same ... unfortunately.

The way it changed for me and my dd just didn't make any sense ...

How about just saying to him in the morning "how about we have dry undies all day today, just to have a different day.."

colditz · 17/08/2012 21:40

Hmmmmmm this is a really tricky one.

Have you tried good old fashioned bribery? Tell him he can have a chocolate button before bed5time if he keeps his pants dry all day.

MelanieWiggles · 09/09/2012 09:48

Lacking - Any progress ? I am sad to day that I think my DS1 is showing all the signs of being like yours. I really need to hear a happy story now

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