DD age 4 still having accidents

[elportodelgato]

DD has been potty trained since she was 2.5, and now at age 4 is still having accidents, sometimes more than one a day, usually when she is over-excited or over-tired and 'forgets' to go. Tbh, it is driving me completely NUTS. She is starting school in September and I really don't want her to be the kid who wets herself . Besides which I KNOW that she can go to the toilet when she needs to, it feels as though sometimes she actively CHOOSES not to go.

It started about 6mo ago and I have tried lots of different approaches - at first I just changed her and got on with things, didn't make a big deal of it. Then we tried a sticker chart - one sticker for every dry day she had with a treat after 10 stickers which she really liked and we still do this. I even took her to the doctor at one stage to see if she had a UTI but she doesn't. I have to confess that I have really lost my temper with her recently. I just can't see WHY this is happening and (worst) she seems to find it sort of amusing, as though she has 'won' in someway when she is covered in wee which makes me so so angry . I know I know she is only 4 and DH assures me that it's not a malicious thing she is doing but it does really seem that way sometimes.

I'm hoping there are some wise women out there who can tell me what to do to sort this out before I lose it completely. I am utterly frustrated with it and starting to feel it is affecting our relationship in quite a big way = I get cross with her, she cries, everyone hates everyone else and then I feel like a terrible mother and start crying myself. It becomes really emotional for everyone. I know I need to keep a lid on my own feelings to stop it becoming an even bigger issue but WHY IS SHE STILL DOING IT???

OK, this is going to sound really stupid, and I'm sure many will disagree with me, but I would just ignore it.

I speak as someone who had wee accidents right up to, and including, reception year. I vividly remember having an accident on the corner of our road whilst walking home from school because I'd been holding it in ALL DAY. I just couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet when there were other, more interesting, things to do. I didn't start school until the term after I turned 5, so it must have been after that.

DS (almost 6) still has wee accidents every now and again for the same reason, although he has never had one at school. I think he seems to understand that there are places where it is 'acceptable' to have accidents, and places where it is not. He has been the same ever since he potty trained (at 2.3, so quite early). That being said, there are PLENTY of children in his reception class who had accidents (of both types), and the teachers did request that all children had a spare pair of pants in their books bags..

From my experience, and my experience with DS, I think this is just something that a child grows out of in time when the embarrassment of being wet becomes more important to them than the inconvenience of having to interrupt their activity for a 'call of nature'. This time last year I was in the same position as you, and was dreading DS returning from school with bags full of wet pants. If I could have my time again, I would just not have worried about it. In particular, I must have, deliberately or not, let DS know that I was really anxious about this and disappointed every time he had an accident. This neither helped nor made any difference to the situation.

Not sure if this is any help.

thanks radical, I've been offline for a bit. This is great advice, I know I need to chill out about it and she'll sort herself out eventually. She's just back from 3 nights with the GPs where she was completely dry so perhaps this is progress...

She finds it amusing because she can see how much it bothers you. Although it's frustrating, you mustn't show your frustration or get angry - that will likely make it worse. Toiletting, like food is an area where all children know they have the most control.

If it's any consolation dd2 (now 8) had the occasional accident right up til the end of reception. She then grew out of it. She was often just too lazy to stop playing and get to the loo in time. She also certainly wasn't the only child who has accidents in reception and it was never commented on.

agree with elportodelgato. Just ignore it. My dd had accidents until 7. They were pretty sporadic after 5, but generally happened if she was doing something interesting and just forgot. Don't make a big deal about it. Don't punish her. Just treat it like she spilled a little water. You will feel better, she will feel better and she will eventually grow out of it. It will get better when she starts school.