Lazy parent guide to potty training? My mum keeps 'helpfully' suggesting we start with DS (21mo)

[Subarashii]

Mum keeps dropping comments like, 'this weather would be perfect to start DS off potty training,' into conversation. I am deflecting, deflecting, deflecting.

I have absolutely no intention of starting now. He doesn't really talk yet, for one thing, so I'm not sure how I would ever know when anything was imminent.

I'm kind of idly hoping that if I ignore the issue for long enough he will potty train himself my approach to all things parenting.

Am I hopelessly naive? :o

Hate to be brutal but your mum is probably right.
It can be really time consuming but worth it in the end and think of the money you'll save on nappies.
I had all of my 4 kids dry day and night at 2 yrs old, but it does depend on the child as well as the 'trainer'.
I used to let mine go around without a nappy and watch them, soon as a pee started or looked imminent I'd whip a potty under them or in front in the case of boys and make a delighted fuss when they have performed (as they used to say).
Kids kind of like seeing that they've 'done it' and enjoy pouring it in the loo or over the floor near the loo, or on the floor on the way to the loo -they seem reluctant to let mum carry their goodies, but you could just help carry the potty to the loo and let him/her pour it away.
It is hard work but far better than having a 5-6 yr old at school wearing training pants/nappies. A couple of girls in my son's old school were wearing nappy pants at this age for no medical reason and their lives were not happy ones.
Kids do develop at different ages so don't be put off if things don't go according to plan straight away.
You will feel really wonderful and clever when it works. :-))

21 m is pretty early. In my experience between 2.5 and 3.5 is average with some training at 2 or 4. You'd be fine waiting until Christmas/Easter/Summer 2013.

My son was non-verbal when he trained. I only knew he needed the loo when he lowered his trousers (and he did it in the middle of Tesco Express once!)

I have never done any potty training. My children started using the toilet on their own (bypassed the potty completely) when they were ready. I always encouraged them - they saw me using the loo and I told them that's what they did when they were 'big girls'.

They started using the toilet by their own decision and were completely dry when they were 2.2 and 2.4. DS1 will probably be older as I heard boys are usually later but I'll just wait until he's ready.

I couldn't bear the faff of using pottys and trying to catch wee's and the constant changing of wet clothes.

I'm a big fan of lazy parenting

21m is quite early, but if you wanted a non-intrusive way to start doing a bit (partly to get your Mum off your back!) then try "Potty Training Boys" by Dr Caroline Fertleman and Simone Cave. It's £4.49 with free delivery on Amazon so won't break the bank, or your library might have it. Has suggestions for groundwork to do before starting the actual training, and then suggests potty training sessions that you can fit around your life, rather than a cold turkey approach, which would be rough going in most under-2 boys. Then you could implement the groundwork stuff, and try to work in a few sessions a week when you're ready - only has to be an hour or so until you're getting some success.

we're using that book, although DS1 was a lot older at 2.9 when we started. he'd tried sitting on his toilet seat before and had no idea what to do.

we started with an hour session in the morning/at bedtime and are now trying to have him in pants any time he's a awake!

21 months does sound little, but there's a lot of practise stuff in the book and it is more relaxed than cold turkey.

i wasn't keen to try that as we're a bit busier than usual with a new baby brother.

he's not had a lot of accidents, but we do have to remind him a lot if he's wearing any clothes. he's quite good when he's naked.

I think it's lazier to start earlier, the people I know who have had problems potty training have waited until their child magically is 'ready' and then you get poo withholding and all sorts of issues. If you do it 'early' then you can do it bit by bit (the people who recommend going cold turkey are just making you suffer, I did it gradually, we had very few accidents and so both I and the DC were happy).

1. If you don't already start changing nappies in the bathroom to build the association.

2. Get a potty and a toilet seat, plus lots of toilet humour books (not the rubbish 'potty training' books, just books about pants, bottoms, poo etc etc). At bathtime or in the morning or whenever you have time (but good to do it when there is a bigger chance of catching something so after naps or food is good) have some 'sitting on the potty reading' time together in the bathroom and see if you catch something. Wear nappies the rest of the time.

3. Try out some barebum mornings at home (nappies the rest of the time) and see how long the wee is held in and if there is any awareness of being ready to pee/poo. Play with washable toys (I recommend Duplo!) on a washable surface and have a potty available and explain what it is for. If there isn't any sign of being interested in peeing in the loo after two days then go back to normal and try again in a month or two, if there is have a little cheer and keep having regular barebum mornings (I did it with DD2 on days at home but she was fully in nappies at nursery, we told them we were introducing potty training so they also offered the potty at nappy changes, sometimes she used the potty, sometimes she didn't) so they get the idea. Barebum means less washing for you and also means you can spot any early signs of needing the loo, they generally start touching themselves between the legs so if they do that ask if they need the potty. Gets them thinking about it even if they are not physically ready.

4. Once they seem to have got the idea when barebummed at home it's time to start to introduce clothing again. Pants first (make a big deal of big boy/girl pants), then easy to pull up/down trousers (I suspect the use of skirts is why girls have a reputation for being easier to PT, DD1 lived in dresses for the first few weeks of PT). There will be accidents as you introduce clothing so do it slowly so you don't end up with mountains of clothing, if you just introduce pants it gets them used to the feeling but an accident doesn't create loads of washing. Don't leave the house without a nappy/pull up yet but I always encouraged toilet trips before we left the house and went to the toilet when we arrived somewhere so they knew that EVERYWHERE has toilets so they were more likely to ask to use a toilet than wee in their nappy/pull up.

5. Once they are happy using the toilet at home all the time (I kept nappies on for naps and night until they were dry at those times) then now is the scary bit, leaving the house without a nappy! Short trips initially to build up confidence, nursery was the obvious place for us since they had the facilities to cope with accidents and it was a place they knew well. Other trips out we still used pull ups, but DD1 was very quick at wanting to use the toilet rather than a potty so pull ups were more for security if there were naps in the buggy/car.

6. Nighttime. They will stop needing a nappy for naps once they are confident and can pee more on demand so you can ask them to use the loo before they have a nap. If you are really lucky then you will have a child who just becomes dry at night at the same time as they are dry during the day and you'll just stop using nappies because there is no point. Some might need more encouragement, DD1 was constantly wet at night but I suspected she was peeing when she first woke up because she didn't need a pee first thing in the morning. We had a chat when she was 3 about how big girls and boys don't wear nappies in bed and if she had a week of dry nappies then we would stop using nappies in bed. She started having dry nights and we made a big fuss of them and they slowly outnumbered the wet nights until when she had 7 dry nights in a row she had her first night without a nappy (again a big fuss was made). Wet beds were not really made a fuss of and we had very few of those. Ask in your family though because nighttime dryness is a genetic thing so if you have a family history of bedwetting then you might have a long wait before being dry at night.

What a long post, hope it helps. I do think it is better to start earlier rather than later but don't expect it to happen in a week and feel free to mix and match pants and nappies/pull ups so you don't end up with loads of washing because they aren't really ready. Give your child the opportunity to use the potty/loo but don't force it on them, you'll maybe be pleasantly surprised! Rewards are so necessary when they are young, being clean and dry and a 'big kid' is enough of a reward IMHO.

Reward are not so necessary when they are young. So much for proof reading.

My policy has been wait until three, buy a stash of character pants, suggest that it might be nicer to wear them than the nappies, leave the potty hanging about or offer them the toilet, give plenty of juice and a chocolate button for anything done in potty or toilet. Done and dusted all three times within three days.

I've left it later and later with each of mine.
I've just done dc4 (aged 3 trs 3 mths) and he had two accidents. I'm sure he'll have a few more but it's been a doddle. I couldn't cope with letting him run round bare possibly having accidents on the carpet as we are in rented.

You aren't naive at all! Lazy parents approach is the one I used. I left two lorries lying around the house and DD use them as hats, toy playgrounds, anything but what they were for! I occasionally asked if she wanted to try weeing in there but she always said a firm 'no'. I didn't push things as DC2 was due when she was 22 months old and I didn't want her to regress.

She carried on in nappies until she was just over 2 1/2 and one day literally said 'I'm not wearing a nappy any more' and hasn't since. She has never wet the bed and only wet herself 2 or 3 times while we were out and all were within 5 minutes walk of the house.

I personally think if you're prepared to be patient he'll do it in his own time.
I take that approach with most things!

I agree with Insanityscratching and Bronze - we waited until three. He had better bladder control took three days with a couple of accidents due to being too busy but now he has taken full control of his toileting habits. He wears a nappy at night but that will be a whole new training session. To be truthful - I waited until I was ready as much as him being ready and just went for it.

You choose the right time for you and try not to get stressed about it - it is not that awful really.

Lorries?! Lol stupid iPhone.
I meant POTTIES obviously!

Crikey, I think you need a lazy person's guide to dealing with pushy mothers, not toilet training.

Lazy person's guide is to tackle it next May when child is 2.5yo, about avg age to crack it.

There was another thread on here all about how children are more likely to have issues by doing it too early; I am not interested in the debate (most of mine were relatively early, btw, and one of DC did have some of those issues :( ). Nothing wrong with waiting until next summer, considering child is still well off of 2yo!

I waited until DS1 was truly ready at just over 3yo and he cracked it straight away. No training at all really just a reminder from time to time about whether he needed a wee etc. Will do the same with DS2 who is 2.6. He is no where near ready and so expect him to be out of nappies by the time he is 3.

OP here, thanks for all the extra responses.

Louisiana - with many thanks for your helpful comments, I'm afraid your approach sounds like really hard work!

I think my DM's just feeling a bit out of synch because parenting (and mine in particular) is so different to how she raised us. So she feels her advice is redundant a lot of the time and is looking for things to advise on.

My mum tried to persuade mine before they were ready....I felt sure it was the wrong time so waited until they were ready and so was I. Both done in a day, odd accidents but months later....potty a waste of money, they hated it and went straight to the toilet, which I prefer as when youre out and about shops have toilets not potties and less to clean ;)

Mine were 2.3 and 2.8. Mum seemed convinced that anything over two was late :)

You could try getting some character pants (ie ones with their favourite Thomas, Fireman Sam etc on) and seeing how they get on wearing them. Note - they will be permanently wet for a couple of days (hence the comment about it being the weather for it, as if you're outside it doesn't matter in the same way as if there are puddles all over the carpet...), but I don't think they understand the connection between the sensation of needing to wee and the resulting wetness when they are in a nappy (it just locks it away).

Might keep DM at bay for a bit?

Another lazy patent here. I made no effort to train DS at all, although had bought him pants and talked about them being for when he was a big boy. Then one day, when he was coming up for 2.4, he said he didn't want to wear a baby nappy, he was wearing big boy pants. It only took him about three days to get the hang of it and stop having accidents.

I took the same approach to night time nappies and he was 3.10 before he was dry at night.

My SIL one of those super-parents who likes to tell me how great she is and how I'm doing it all wrong decided to train her DD at 14 months. That DD is now 3.8 and still really struggling to stay dry. I know that's just a one-child example, but I really think trying to force the issue can cause problems.

Don't forget our poor mothers had no option but the terry towelling nappies etc (I know we've got nicer washables) so we felt wet quicker and they had the incentive to get us dry asap. I'm in the later camp- about to give it a go with DD this weekend, at 2.8yrs while still warmish. Did it with DS at 3 and went well but only dry at night nearer four- he just wasn't interested and didn't care! Do what feels right for you- have heard of stories of trying early which then causes trouble later on.