How do you get them to go the first time?

[QuenelleOJersey2012]

DS is 3.1 and has never weed in the potty or on the toilet at home. He will sit on either for ages, reading his Pirate Pete book, but won't actually do a wee.

He can go without a nappy for hours and has never had an accident when he's bare bummed. He just asks to put a nappy on if he needs to go. If we suggest he goes on the potty or toilet he just says no. I don't push him because I'm worried about putting him off altogether. One day we tried putting him in pants and he had a few accidents. We stopped and went back to nappies because he got really fed up by the end of the day and any mention of wee, poo, potty or toilet just wound him up.

However, he has been going to preschool one morning a week and has started using the toilet there. He apparently takes himself to the toilet, takes his nappy off, wees and then asks one of the staff to put his nappy back on for him. His childminder takes him to preschool and collects him so I don't know the details, whether he sits or stands etc. CM said he also did it at her house once after he had been at preschool.

Anyway, now that he's on summer holidays from preschool he has stopped using the toilet altogether. Any suggestions how I can encourage DS to use the toilet or potty at home? Or should we still carry on waiting until he's ready to do it on his own?

TIA.

What worked for us this morning: sit on potty in front of tv, give drink to child, await inevitable result.

That was our first wee in potty after 4 misses this morning.

Bribery. It sounds like he can do it, but just needs an extra push. Chocolate buttons worked with my three.

Hmm it might be time for bribery to start working...

I will try giving him a drink while he's on the potty and promise him chocolate if he goes.

Thanks mooga and cairn.

How's it going Quenelle?

My DS is 3.2, and we'd only had one wee on the potty in 18months until last week. Finally had four on the toilet over a few days, and he will sit on the toilet to try, although much more readily for Daddy than for me. Refuses to sit on the potty now. Choc button bribery seemed to help. Currently contemplating some sort of marble jar system (see my post from last Thursday-ish in the potty training section).

What has also seemed to help with DS is talking to him about the whole process. I've explained where wee wee comes from - drink going into your tummy, round your body, what you don't need turns into wee and gets stored in a little bag in your tummy, and then when the bag is full, that's when you need to do a wee. Some may think that's far too much info, but my DS is very very cautious and the more he understands about something, the happier he seems to be about it. He's obviously listened because he's mentioned the 'wee bag' a few times. A couple of the wees have come right after me encouraging him to concentrate on letting the wee wee go, like he does when he goes in his nappy.

Please post back how you're getting on.

Thanks for asking oboe. It's not at the moment, tbh. It doesn't help that we're at work all day. DH brings DS home from the childminder and has been encouraging him to try the potty or toilet. He has sat on the toilet but hasn't produced anything and there's only a couple of hours before he goes to bed.

I need to spend some time at home with him with his nappy off I think. And it's very interesting what you say about your son being cautious. DS is also an extremely cautious little boy. I will try your explanation and see if that helps him. Will also look at your other post re marbles.

He knows there's a jelly bean in it for him, which he loves more than anything, so we need something else to try alongside the bribery.

Thanks for the ideas, I will report back.

Thanks for asking oboe. It's not at the moment, tbh. It doesn't help that we're at work all day. DH brings DS home from the childminder and has been encouraging him to try the potty or toilet. He has sat on the toilet but hasn't produced anything and there's only a couple of hours before he goes to bed.

I need to spend some time at home with him with his nappy off I think. And it's very interesting what you say about your son being cautious. DS is also an extremely cautious little boy. I will try your explanation and see if that helps him. Will also look at your other post re marbles.

He knows there's a jelly bean in it for him, which he loves more than anything, so we need something else to try alongside the bribery.

Thanks for the ideas, I will report back.

Is it perhaps that he's got into the habit of always going whilst standing up, and finds sitting down on the potty to go too unfamiliar? Could you skip the sitting-down-to-wee stage and buy some of those target/colour change stickers which help boys to learn to pee standing up?

Just an idea that I've seen on other threads - when he asks for a nappy so he can go, rather than put the nappy on him, place the nappy into the potty for him to sit on and use? Then once he's used to sitting down for it you can phase out the nappy altogether.

Is he verbal enough for you to find out how he feels about the potty? Our DS was much happier after we took him shopping and he chose a potty himself.

Hi Elephants. I don't know if he does go standing up. Unfortunately the CM picks him up from preschool and DH picks him up from the CM so when it's discussed I haven't been there to get the details.

This morning I told him all about how milk goes into his tummy, round his body and out of his willy and he loved it. Later on he asked to sit on the toilet so DH put him there and went through the story again and, bless him, I think he was trying to go because a couple of little farts came out . I don't think he actually needed to go at that point though. Unfortunately we had to rush around to get to work after that so couldn't try again. I will pursue this over the weekend though.

Some more good ideas there also with the stickers and nappy in potty. DS seems to like his potty, he sits on it happily enough anyway. If I ask him why he doesn't like something, though, he just answers 'Because I'm DS' - not very helpful .

I really appreciate you all taking the time to advise. I will post back after the weekend with an update

Ah well, no joy over the weekend. He sits on the potty and the toilet but just won't do anything in either of them yet. Promises of jellybeans (his favourite thing in the world) don't help. He wouldn't sit on the nappy in the potty. And even though he loves the milk going round his body story it hasn't helped.

I guess we'll just keep being patient. Hopefully he'll decide he's ready of his own accord soon. I am so bored now of changing nappies and wipes and everything associated with them.

Hi Quenelle,
Just thought I'd post back with something that is working really well for us. My little boy did a few wees last week on the toilet, but was taking ages. Then a nurse friend of mine said that if they're having trouble letting go, then having them blow for some reason can help as it's very hard to hold on to wee and blow at the same time. She suggested bubbles.

I was wandering round Tescos and spotted some really cheap little whistles (Tesco Value Party Bag Filler, less than 50p for four different colours in the party section) and they've been a huge hit! My DS now wants to go and sit on the toilet so he can practise blowing his whilstles which is great as the chocolate button bribery was starting to wear off. Started with the whistles on Wednesday I think, and it still took a while for him to wee as he was learning how to use the whistle, but over the last couple of days the wees have been coming much more quickly. We had two on the toilet yesterday morning and three this morning (will pass quickly over the poo in the paddling pool! ). The whistles really seem to have helped him to relax and get the hang of the wee coming and how it feels. Now he leans forward and holds onto the front of the toilet seat just before going, so he knows what is happening.

A great side effect of using the whistles is that it helps him to sit still. This is partly because he's concentrating on trying to get good whistle sounds, and also because when he's used one colour, he likes to sit that whistle on his leg while he tries the next one and so on, so he has to sit still or else they all fall off .

We're still just doing sessions of training with him running around nappy-free in just a T-shirt, as suggested in Potty Training Boys by Cave and Fertleman. Need to read a bit more to see how to progress. Think he's getting the hang of how it feels to need to do a wee. He did actually take himself the third time this morning when I asked if he needed to do a wee. Amazed as usually get complete denial!

Have promised him a 'poo prize' when he does his first poo on the toilet, so that is the next challenge ..

Anyhow, thought I'd let you know in case whistles help for you. My DS thinks they're brilliant, and he's been doing so well since we started using them. He even forgot to ask for his choc button on the second wee today.

Ilovemyoboe that is inspired! I'm definitely going to buy a pack today and give them a go. I think DS will love them.

Thank you for taking the time to pass the advice on. I really appreciate it. Hope it continues to work for your boy.

Ilovemyoboe that is inspired! I'm definitely going to buy a pack today and give them a go. I think DS will love them.

Thank you for taking the time to pass the advice on. I really appreciate it. Hope it continues to work for your boy.

Maybe he would rather go on the toilet? Some children don't like potties. Have you tried a toilet seat for him?

Yes. He has sat on potty, toilet and trainer seat equally happily. Hasn't produced a drop on any of them yet though

You're welcome Quenelle, hope it works for you too!

Another thought - was wandering through a few threads on MN and found one that mentioned a 'See Inside Your Body' book with flaps. Think it's probably the Usborne one after a look on Amazon. i'm going to see if our library has it. The poster said they're little ones loved it, and it helped with poo issues. Since yours was interested in the 'where poo/wee comes from' story, then might be useful.

We're getting somewhere now. DS finally weed on the toilet on Sunday morning. Basically he was bursting so DH quickly sat him on the toilet and he started going before he could get off again. As I have always believed, now that he has done it for the first time it has 'clicked' and he is happily going several times a day now

There was a little accident at the park yesterday, because he was too busy to notice he needed to go. And similar happened while he was out with Grandma today. And he hasn't done a poo on the toilet yet, just an accident in his pants yesterday. And nothing for Grandma yet today. But it's going really well.

That book looks great Oboe. I will definitely track down a copy for DS. He will love it.

That's brilliant Quenelle, so glad things are moving along at last . Took us a couple of weeks from first wee to first poo. Did notice that DS often holds his wee more if he needs a poo. Had a first poo on a toilet outside our house yesterday, so I was a very proud mummy telling everyone! Luckily we were at a 0-4s group so they didn't all think I was totally insane.

(When I say 'toilet outside our house' I mean a public toilet in a cafe, supermarket, church type of setting, not one literally sitting outside our house of course.)