Can/should I potty train dd who is 20 months?

[MamaChocoholic]

dd is 20 months, hates, hates, hates her nappy, and will take off her clothes in order to take the nappy off, especially right after it's taken me 10 minutes to hold her down and put it on. she wants to use the potty: after stripping, she will put her trousers back on (sans nappy), wander off to the bathroom saying "wee wee, potty" and practise pulling trousers up/down and sitting on the potty. sometimes, a wee or small poo is produced, which she is very proud of. most of the time nothing.

so... is it possible to potty train a 20 month old? is it advisable in our situation? I work ft (dcs in nursery), and when home I also have to look after 20 month ds2 and 4 year old ds1. I like a quiet life, and ds1 didn't toilet train till 3 years, when he asked and we only had one day of accidents. but the screaming putting a nappy on dd is getting me down, and the fact she can take her clothes off to take it off too doesn't seem solvable unless she wears babygrows 24/7. maybe potty training would be lower stress than this?

DS has always been a stripper and he starting to use a potty some of the time from about 2, trained himself really just after 2.6ish. DD is the eldest and she didn't potty train until turned three and with lots of encouragement.

If she seems to know when she needs to go I think it's worth having a try, pointless when they can't recognise the sensation of a full bladder yet IMHO.

you can train at this age but i'm not sure given your situation about how it would work for you...

I usually devote a week to being with them in the kitchen (in good weather, the garden too) with regular potty sitting and heavy reward for wee on the potty.

usually in the first week they learn to wee in return for sweets/praise. then the next week it is fairly simple, putting them on the potty at regular intervals and asking them to wee to make sure they stay dry. but fairly close to home so it doesn' t have to be too long - depending on the toddler working up the interval to 1.5-2 hours - week three on is fairly straightforwards.

other children - i had distracted with cbeebies, or sent to park with dH..it can be quite difficult to train with other kids around. even when they like to 'demonstrate' for their younger sibling (which is definitely helpful) or i got both of them sat on potties watching cbeebies whilst i cooked...during the school week i still did the school run with her in nappies until 'week two' ...

this method has worked for my kids at about this age, it isn't the only approach that works to be fair (some manage this part time) ....but i suppose you might have to evaluate for yourself if you could find the time for the first most time-consuming bit.

none of my children were anything like as capable as yours in terms of undressing/dressing or having gone to do it themselves before...

I am NO expert in this and training DC much much later, however, I know quite a lot of people who have trained successfully before the age of 2 and it certainly seems to be possible so long as you anticipate plenty of accidents (but with older DC you'll be well aware of that anyway). Tbh I wish I'd given it a go earlier with the one I'm currently training. He's a cheeky so-and-so and I suspect would have been capable before 2, but I couldn't attempt it due to various family reasons and the difference is that now he has attitude and fear and various things he did not have at 20-24 months. I say give it a go but don't be too disheartened if it doesn't work out.

So, just after writing the OP, dd announced "wee-wee potty" again, so I took us all in the garden, with potty (thank god we had a spot of summer this weekend). She did a huge wee on the potty, so perhaps she does know when she needs to go. I kept encouraging her to go back to sit on the potty, but she lost interest, and the next wee, about an hour later, was straight down her legs. After that she asked to put the nappy back on!

Since then, I haven't offered the potty, and when she has asked, I have said "no, why don't you try a wee wee in your nappy". Have also dug out a couple of poppered vests to frustrate her stripping. I feel bad possibly stopping her train when she's ready, but she seems less insistent about it since weeing on her feet.

Thanks for the useful advice. If she gets more insistent again, I may try a weekend in the garden with lots of encouragement for potty use. I suspect I am taking the easiest path for me right now rather than necessarily doing the best for dd. But I think I'd need to be more enthusiastic about training for this to work, especially to get her sufficiently trained over a weekend to go to nursery on a Monday.

I think if she is interested then you should encourage her. I don't think the boot camp approach is good at 20 months. It just causes too much stress for everyone.

I found with dd at 20 months she knew when she needed to go, but she could only give 2 seconds warning. I kept her in nappies and took her to the potty when she asked. Mistakes are invitable and its important not to be angry.

My son (2nd DC) was potty trained at about 19/20 months. He was ready and it was all led by him, it took about 3 or 4 days (apart from the odd accident when asleep in the car.) It was so easy and much less stress than with my first!

He is as independent as your daughter sounds. If I was you I'd go for it, she may well surprise you and get the hang of it over a weekend. If not no big deal you can try again another time.

I would leave her without her pants the first day so it is easier for her if she leaves it till the last minute!

My problem is that dd will happily spend 20+ minutes practicing using the potty, and gets very upset if that time is cut short. ds2 (also 20 months) isn't particularly interested in coming too, so I have to supervise them across different rooms (easier if we're in the garden). I also fear that the first day I try her in pants is the last day this strong willed girl will wear nappies, regardless of whether she manages to train or not!

We are going to see MIL week after next, and I would really like to avoid a 5 hour car journey with a newly potty trained dd. But I haven't hidden the potty (as DP suggested!) and if she's still keen after our trip, then I'll try and give it a go. :gulp:

What about using pull-ups?

I'd let her have a go as she's so interested. Might be much easier than you think.

pull ups probably a better choice than pants, yes, thanks.

on a practical level, how do I supervise two toddlers in different rooms whilst dd is in the bathroom? what about if she wants to practise when we need to peace for nursery? not trying to be awkward, genuinely want advice, just can't see passed these obstacles!

peace=leave

Well, strong-willed DD insisted on training at 15 months (which came as a shock after her brothers both took nearer the 3-year mark), so no, it's not too early. After all, you'll need to face it some time!

She'll always want a wee just as you need to leave.

It'll be like that for years .

OK, so I was thinking about this last night, and it's sad but true to say that I don't think dd has ever has 20 minutes of my undivided attention except for once when she was sick and the other dc were in nursery, and twice when dp took ds1 and ds2 out for a bit :( If she was a singleton, I would be encouraging this new found interest. So I think I need to try, but my problem is how to either

• keep ds2 safe and happy while I'm in the bathroom with dd, or
• persuade ds2 to come in the bathroom with us, but not play with the toilet/distract dd by playing with her etc

I really don't see a solution. I know this will always be an issue, but when they're older I am hoping the telly will help keep one occupied. They're not yet that interested though.

Perhaps I need to post in multiples to get some ideas.

Why not try very gentle potty training- ie keeping her in nappies but encouraging/rewarding use of pottty at same time?

We did this with dd from less than 18 months. She did all poos in potty by 18 months, was out of nappies by 2 and out of night nappies (at her request) shortly afterwards.

She has 1-2 daytime accidents a week (wee, never poo) and about one night time accident a month.

Your daughter does sound ready, but it's not an all-or-nothing situation.

so I have tried this today. tried to stay positive and my only rule has been that she must wear her nappy when not in the bathroom, but can stay nappy free in the bathroom for as long as she likes. it helps. sort of, that ds2 has decided he wants to play potties too. so far we have had 3 wees and one poo on the floor, none on the potties, and one freshly pop filled nappy removed and dumped on the living room floor while I was making lunch.

they are now in dungarees.

I suspect they just don't like wearing nappies and enjoy pretending to use the potty much like the enjoy pretending to make me a cup of tea. not convinced they are ready to train but not sure what else to try, as it is surely only a matter of time till they work out how to remove dungarees!

would love any more tips about this gentle potty training, if you have any?

If she wants to try then I would let her. My dd started telling me at 18 months that she needed a wee then a few weeks later a poo. Took her out of nappies at 20 months. She wears normal pants if we're at home and training pants if we're out (although have been keeping her in pants this week when we've been out) and she naps in disposable training pants as they hold more (but she doesn't often go in them when she sleeps). She will tell me most of the time when she needs to go but if she's not been for a while I'll take her. Some days she doesn't have any accidents and some days she has 1 so pretty good going. She's now just turned 21 months. She much prefers to wear pants to training pants. if I let her wear nothing on her bottom half she will wee on the floor but she doesn't like getting her pants wet so will say she needs to go.

So can be done early! I have a 4 year old DS who I still have daily battles/accidents with! I didn't train him till almost 3 and now wish I'd done it sooner as I have far less accidents with dd than ds.

Useful thread. DS is 22mo and has started telling me that he needs a poo, and really doesn't like doing it in his nappy- once he's done it he wants to be changed instantly. Part of me thinks I shd stick him on the loo when he says he needs to go, BUT I really dont want to start potty training him now because

• he still has no idea when it comes to wee's- if he wee's standing up in the bath, he still looks down with complete surprise
• in 6 wks he'll have a sibling and I've been warned off making any more changes than necessary/ possibility of regression etc

However, I'm worried that if he gets ishoos about not wanting to poo in his nappy, it could lead to him trying to hold it in.

Can I just potty train for poos and leave wees for later??????

Any advice?

we did this with ds1. I don't recall when, but he was certainly pooing on potties when the dts arrived, but didn't go into pants for another 6 months. it was good, because I've never had to wash a pair of pooey pants. we used disposable pull ups, which he called his nappy pants.

the dts however are a different story. am really not convinced they are ready to train. they just want to play at what they've seen other kids do at nursery. they now take off their own trousers and nappies, or even take off each other's in an attempt to change nappies. grr.

I think I'm going to go for it. He had a meltdown today when he realised he was pooing in his nappy and inconsolable until he'd been cleaned up. Pretty sure there's no medical problem- i.e. it's not painful for him to do a poo - no nappy rash and not constipated. At least it'll save a few nappies.

In a very similar situation and would love some support and advise!

I'm 38 weeks pg and nearly 22 mo dd did her first pee in the potty today. She was really happy with her achievement and I don't want to discourage her but how/should it be done with a newborn too?

She knows when she is about to do a poo, and no longer wants me to hold her hand or be near her when she does so. Today she was pulling at her nappy so I asked if she needed the potty? She said yes 'poo' so trooped upstairs nappy and clothes off, sat on potty and did a pee then gleefully cheered. Lots of cheering, whooping and stickers.

I'm thinking keep in nappies and offer potty in morning, pre and post nap and pre bed, and anytime she's pulling at her nappy? I have a potty upstairs and downstairs so can get to either pretty quick.

Is this the right way to go? Currently not physically capable of boot camp potty training and with imminent arrival of ds don't want to start something and not be able to continue.

Any words of wisdom?

This is all interesting. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

DD is only 17 months but is showing a big interest in the potty and often tells us she is doing a wee or a poo. She's just figuring out how to remove her nappy so she can continue her favourite activity of sitting on the potty.

I don't think she's ready yet, but I think she will be quite an early potty user so it's good to know there are step we can take now that will be helpful when the time comes.