How / when to start again after a failed first attempt

[ninjasquirrel]

Nursery encouraged us to start potty training DS (now 2.9) a couple of months ago. For the first few days he was doing well there though we didn't have any luck at home. Then he started to hold in wee sometimes until he was distressed - not weeing either in the potty or in his pants. So we tried to be relaxed about it - resulting in lots of accidents (better than holding it in) but he was very reluctant to sit on the potty still, especially if he actually did need to wee - zero success just constant battles and we felt bad about upsetting him so stopped.
I don't know whether we should try again. Any suggestion of sitting on the potty is usually met with 'No potty' although I did get him to sit on it for a few minutes the other day by bribing him with a biscuit. I feel a bit of pressure from nursery to keep trying even if not full-on potty training but don't know how to break through all the negative associations he obviously has and not make it worse. Or should we just leave it completely for the moment?

It's a tricky one. Is there any way you could take a few days off work? I think it is best to try to get it right at home first, where he feels comfortable and safe. I know this isn't possible for everyone. With my ds, we tried him at about 2.7, he wasn't ready and was getting really distressed, as you described. So we left it a couple of months and tried again. I took a couple of days off so we had Thursday until Tuesday. We did away with nappies in the day altogether and he just played naked from the waist down. To begin with it was a case of moving the potty under the stream off pee so he knew where it should go. He refused to sit on the potty for quite a while but would go and stand over it to pee. Every time he peed in the potty he was given a chocolate button. He did start to sit for his pees after a couple of days. Yes, we had a few accidents on the first 2 days, but by the time he returned to nursery he was dry during the day and just wore pull ups at night for a few months.
If your ds os getting really distressed, I would leave it for a while. Get him to sit on the potty with his clothes on, or to sit on it while you read him a story before bath time, with no pressure or mention of peeing, just to get him used to it. Then try again in a month or so. Don't feel pressured into it, they are all ready at different stages. Good Luck xxx

Thanks for replying, something to think about...

I did part time potty training with my 2 boys, so some weeks I'd push it if I was at home lots with them, other weeks if we were out and about a lot then they were just in nappies. At home I tried to leave the nappy off as much possible, even if it was only 5mins after a nappy change, so they got used to the feeling of no nappy.

I talked about it a lot, constantly, all day long! I even sang silly songs about poo in the loo etc.
Ds1 hated the potty but was so proud of himself when he managed to stop a wee and finish it in the potty that that was enough 'reward' but ds2 had been sitting on a potty to wee for nearly a year (started when ds1 did so tried to copy) but needed stickers on a reward chart to give him a push to making an effort to do all the wees/poos in the potty. He loves the whole routine of flushing and hand washing 'like a big boy' afterwards - no wee, no flush!