DD, 3.5, scared to let go of a wee or a poo in potty or toilet

[RozzieR]

Literally don't know where to start with toilet training. She won't put pants on. There will be no accidents for her to learn from - she's too frightened to let it go, so she'll just hold onto it for hours instead. Really don't know how she's ended up being so anxious, certainly not aware of having put any pressure on her or being cross with her (actively trying to be really cool about it because had trouble with DS too). She will sit on the toilet happily reading a book but won't let it go, and gets really upset if encouraged to sit on loo when she actually needs a wee. I guess she just feels safe in a nappy.

She was a very late walker, so have been assuming that she's just a late developer, but now I think it's become a mental block. Otherwise she's a lovely happy bright girl.

Tried sticker charts and other bribery (crisps, toys, new book).

Any tips, or anyone know of any online advice, which might help us to reassure her it's OK to let go of it? Maybe then we can get round to starting toilet training.

Just persevere I'd say, and reassure lots. She can't hold on forever!! My DS1 is a similar type, really resisted TT. it was a complete disaster till he realised that I wasn't going to give in and put nappy back on, then trained reasonably quickly after that for wees. Poos were a different matter unfortunately. It was not great, and he started to retain.

He did prefer potty to toilet in the early days- closer to the ground/less noisy & scary I suppose. I got one of those big ones with a padded seat- the kind that have removable seat so you can use as toilet insert also ITKWIM.

So I would say, go for it and do not give in/revert to nappies. Try a comfy potty instead of toilet, and be very encouraging/reassuring, especially re poos. DSs poo issues were long term- to this day he resists going

Thanks for that. Sadly we're still in nappies - she gets really anxious and upset even wearing pants, so all we've been doing so far is getting her to sit on the loo a few times a day, and hoping that one day she'll just do a wee by accident whilst on the loo and see that it's not so bad after all. She gets a sticker for agreeing to wear pants, and one for sitting on the toilet at nursery (which till now she has refused). Other than that, and lots of encouraging/reassuring talk, not sure what else we can do till she at least agrees to try in pants.

Onwards and upwards...

Gather your courage and go for it I'd say. Even if shes upset for a while, your not sending her down a mine or anything!! Ditch the nappies during the day and just hunker down. This is something she has to do! You can't do it for her but you can support her through it by being calm, reassuring and consistent.

Yes, she might find it difficult initially, but at her age it's surely time to go for it. You didn't mention, but I presume there are no SN?

Also, never underestimate a good bribe. I got a box full of small cheap toys and he got to pick one for every 'hit'.

Waterproof your house, set aside a week at least and just do it. I empathise tjst you are dreading this, It is my least favourite parenting task! But she needs to be trained and you have to believe she can master it.

Well, we've made some progress this week. By a combination of cajoling/bribery, we've got her sitting on the potty and wearing knickers not nappy, or going bare bottomed - the weather has helped.

But she still hasbn't done a wee unless she has a nappy on, and once on Friday she started a wee on the potty and then stopped it and held it in, becoming very distressed, once she realised what was happening. She's putting all her teddies on the potty to do wees, reading books about it with great interest, and acknowledges that all her friends do it, but when offered the chance to do it on the poot or toilet, says she doesn't want to.

It's wee-fright, pure and simple. Anyone have any ideas? I hear what you're saying, Iatemyskinnyperson, but she can go a long time without weeing and i worry that if i go cold turkey on the nappies she'll hold it in so long she'll do herself a mischief.

Hooray! 2 wees in toilet today, and several on the floor, so she must have conquered her fear of letting go (although this evening's wee on the toilet was very traumatic, involving loud screaming, but she did it, and then happily flushed her wee away 'to wee-wee land' - see how desperate i am!).

Not many mums would think several wees on the floor was a sign of progress, but believe me I do!