I've screwed it up already. How do I undo the very literal mess that is potty training DS so far?

[SundaeGirl]

It's a disaster.

DS2 is 3yo and probably ready for potty training. DS1 was potty trained in a couple of days - I think we had two accidents, that was it - and so I sort of thought this one would kind of work out too. No research, plan or anything, just a lackadaisical 'let's try it shall we' no pants accident zone. Amazingly, that hasn't worked.

Add to this an incredibly frustrated DH who keeps banging on to DS2 about how he's a big boy now and so will just be wearing pants and then shouting at him when DS2 has an accident. DH is pissed off cos he keeps taking DS2 to the loo or asking him if he needs to go. DH absolutely reckons DS2 should be potty trained. DH also saying loudly how everyone else is potty trained at that age an it's embarrassing taking him to playgroups. Cue hushed squabbles between us with me saying to go easy.

Three horrible poos today plus lots of peeing. Constant changes of clothes.

If he wasn't 3yo then I'd stop and let it go for a bit. However, agree with DH that DS2 really is capable of it. How can I get the whole thing back on track?

If it's that much of a disaster, just stop for now.

Yes, most children are ready by 3 and maybe he is capable of it, but he is not going to get it while his Dad and brother are making those kinds of comments.

You really need to get your DH to back off and let him learn. He's just a little boy.

DS1 is more of a challenge, but maybe do a sticker chart each - one for the boy learning and one for the big brother helping out?

Sounds to me like your DH is making it difficult. It should all be about trying to get more and more no 1s and 2s into the potty, and praise ridiculous amounts when they do. You can't show any negative emotions at the beginning, it's all about encouragement.

I had forgotten about sticker charts. Maybe that would introduce a bit of positivity.

(Don't reckon I will convince DH. DS2 did pee pretty much the second he got off the loo today)

Your DH is being mean. Tell him to cut it out and brook no argument.

chocolate button for every wee. I set a timer on my phone to quack every 20 mins and then we would try, made it into a little game, "oh DS1, listen to this, it's the duck! run to the loo!" etc. Just make it fun. Build some bigger rewards for when he seems to be getting it, like if you don't have a change of pants in the day, you get a new toy car / stickers etc. Bribery is the way to play it!

Don't put him back into nappies, that would be horrid, especially as he has been told that he is big boy.

You need to talk to your DH and explain to him that most children take a week to get the idea. Ask him to say nothing when there are accidents.

Okay, if I can get DH under control - if - how can I get DS2 to be more positive about it? The whole thing is no fun and if I were DS2 I'd be wanting to go back to nappies too.

God, I hate this bit!

Chocolate Buttons, bribery... OK I think this is coming back to me from DS1

I took a week off work and dedicated it to potty training DS, he was 2.5. Sticker chart and a haribo for every sucessful poo or wee and I made up a silly song for us to sing in celebration everytime he went in the potty. It took over 2 weeks to crack the weeing and 6 months for poos- it was very frustrating at times but he eventually got it. He is fab now and never has an accident day or night.

Your DH needs a massive bollocking, he is being really foul. Sorry to slate a man I haven't met but bullying a small child is a really nasty thing to do. Not to mention counter productive.

I gave a lot of stickers out and made a big fuss. Similarly DS1 here was a breeze, DS2 less easy. I think he feels a lot 'littler' than DS1 so sometimes he wants to copy what DS1 can do and sometimes he thinks 'I'm not big enough yet'.

By 'fuss' I mean positive fuss when a wee goes in the pot/loo btw, we all joined in the first time.

I'm toilet training DS at the moment, he's 2.10. I found that he didn't really get sticker charts, but today I bought some gold star stickers from Tesco, (the type that teachers give out) and stick them to his t-shirt each time he went to the toilet. He got a sticker for trying too, even if he didn't do a wee or poo. I found that bribing him with stickers worked for getting him to go too. We're only on day 4, but we've had our first dry day, partly because I made him go every 30 minutes, by setting a timer and 'racing' to the toilet. Much whooping and hugs when he does go seem to work too. We can do this!

fuckersnail (good name btw) has good advice, we also had a timer, I set a mad calypso tune on my phone, drove me crazy but it worked. Also stickers onto tshirt then he can show them off to people proudly.

Personally, I would put DS2 back in nappies provided that's what he wants. I'd abort this whole attempt, and wait until DS2 makes signs that he wants to use the potty/loo (rather than DH or you).

And i'd make it crystal clear to DH that 90% of the reason for aborting this attempt is down to him. He's been an utter twunt. If he's so embarrassed about playground then he can fuck off to the park instead. Idiot.

3 is still well within the normal range.

I'm really on your DS2's behalf. Can you tell?

Thanks! DH finds this kind of frustration quite difficult to control. He is trying, though.

Chocolate m&ms got result twice yesterday.

Maybe a sticker chart for DH, he could get a prize for behaving like an adult all day?