Are my expectations too high? Day 6 and DD2 a bit hit and miss - stressed!

[mintymellons]

We started cold turkey potty training DD2 (2.1) last Thursday. She'd been showing the 'signs' of readiness (e.g asking for the potty when doing a poo and sometimes a wee and she's able to follow instructions). DD1 (now aged 6.5) was trained at the same age and got it pretty quickly, so I thought it was well worth a go with DD2.

Anyway, the experience so far is mixed. She's had a good number of successes but also a fair few accidents. She knows when she needs the potty, but quite often only tells us at the last second and then it's hit and miss as to whether she gets there in time. I'd say we're about 50/50 potty:accident ratio right now.

I'm feeling a bit stressed by it today. She had two accidents before we left for the school run this morning, then dry on school run. I then sat her on the potty when we got back and she weed. I then had to pop out for a couple of hours and my mum looked after her. She'd had an accident during that time, but my mum said it was her fault (my mum's) because DD2 said "potty!" but mu mum didn't get her on it quick enough!

I don't remember DD1 having all of these accidents and I feel as though DD2 hasn't picked t up so quickly, but I'm loathe to put her back in nappies as I don't see how that would help her bearing in mind she knows what to do and we're only a few days in.

I think my expectations are perhaps too high and I shouldn't compare her to DD1.

Update. After a rubbish morning, we're having a much better afternoon. So far, no accidents and three potty uses, all instigated by DD2. Feeling more positive and assured that it's worth pursuing!

Hi Minty, I'm no expert as you know, but asking, even if it is not quick enough yet, is really good.

I guess persevere. Maybe practice pants up and down and she can take herself?

Would it be helpful to know that it took my ds 2 years to crack potty training? Six days in NOTHING! In fact, 6 days and doing OK is pretty miraculous in my book. Good luck.

Thank you, Queen and Neo

Feeling much better about it after an accident free afternoon!

Two years sounds quite stressful Neo - how did you cope?

Mind if I join Minty? Just started having a go at training with dd, also 2.1. She's my first, so I have no clue what I'm doing! We started on Saturday, had 11 pairs of wet knickers (although many only dribbled in, as she started to go, then stopped herself), and was all ready to abandon the whole thing when on Sunday, I left the room briefly & came back to find she'd weed in the potty! (through her knickers, but never mind!). Yesterday my mum had her, as I was at work, & again, many pairs of wet knickers. But then when I got home, she asked for wee wee, led me to the toilet, so I sat her on & she weed! We've been mostly out today, so had to put her in a nappy (I know you're not supposed to do that!), but really not sure whether to carry on. She definitely knows when she wants to go, holds her bottom, tells me wee wee, hops around etc, & can stop herself after a tiny dribble, so am thinking these are all signs of being ready. We also had 2 trips out in knickers over the weekend with no accidents (about an hour each, & she fell asleep for about 10 mins on one of them). She also tells me wee wee straight after an accident. Sorry for thread hijack, but there aren't many others on here training little ones this age! (By the way, am expecting dc2 at the end of July, so would love to be nappy free for a bit!).

Feel free to join in Petite. You're right that 2.1 year olds seem to be under represented.

As I said above, I did this relatively easily with DD1 so I know it can be done. Having said that, that was four and a half years ago so maybe I've forgotten the more traumatic bits!

We've had a great afternoon after a rubbish morning - the total for today now stands at seven wees/poos on potty and only three accidents. It's given me the faith to carry on.

Your DD sounds like mine in that she knows when she needs to go but getting there quickly enough is the challenge. I'm sure that'll improve with time though. I think so long as us parents are committed to making it work then it will be fine. Hard work though, eh? As you say, it'll be nice if you can have a bit of time without nappies before your new baby arrives (congrats by the way!).

To sum up my feelings, I think that DD2 is having enough success to make it worth pursuing and that going back to nappies would be confusing and a bit pointless, so we'll carry on.

Perhaps we can help each other through?!

Petite, I thought your name looked familiar. You gave me some good advice about hair loss a few months ago when it was coming out in handfuls. I was very grateful for your advice. It'd be nice If I can help you in return!!

Yes Minty, hair loss would have been me! Glad I was of some help, hope things are better for you now. Some help in return would be great! Sounds like your dd is doing much better than mine though, although I believe dd is showing enough signs of being ready to persevere for now. We have a few days at home now, so hopefully that'll make things easier for her. Any thoughts on potty vs toilet? I would prefer her to use the potty really, in so far as it can just be in the room, but on the other hand, there are toilets everywhere, so might be more practical! The wee she did on the toilet yesterday wasn't even on a trainer seat (although we have one upstairs)! Do you tend to leave the potty in one place, so she knows where it is, or move it around?

Also, what are you dressing your dd in? Dress or just a top, knickers/bare bum? Can you remember what your dd1 was like at this stage? I agree it's easy to edit the bad bits out in our heads! Sorry for all the questions, no rush to reply!

Thanks for the congrats by the way! I use cloth nappies for dd, some of which are size adjustable, so it would be useful if she could free then up for dc2! Also, as much as I love our cloth, the novelty has worn off a little now!

Your DD sounds like she's doing fine, but it's so easy to lose heart, isn't it?

We've had a good start today (day 7). So far three wees on potty (one of those on Potette travel potty in the park) and no accidents. So different to yesterday morning!

I'll tell you how we're doing it anyway. We have two potties, one up and one downstairs. We also have a toilet seat which DD will sit on but we haven't really focussed on using it. The first couple of days I kept her bottom half pretty much bare to avoid too much washing, but since then I've been trying to keep her in pants and trousers (what she normally wears). I've found that if she has to spend any time in wet clothes, she doesn't like it and I think that helps her understanding a bit. I've tried to just carry on doing day to day things and if she wees when we're out, I just change her. I have to do school run twice a day for DD1 so there's no way I could keep DD2 at home until she's dry. I think so far she's weed twice on school run and once on a walk to the park! Also, I'm tending to help her pull her things up and down and get on to the potty at the moment - once she's in the habit of using it every time she needs to go, then I'll concentrate on getting her to take herself more.

As I said, I don't remember DD1 having so many accidents, but I could be wrong. She's always been the kind of child who takes to things very quickly/easily and I expect DD2 to be exactly the same, which is unlikely (and unfair!).

I think it's definitely worth carrying on if your DD is showing signs. If I can help in any way, I will although I'm no expert!

While I've been typing DD2 has come up and said "potty" and then done another wee on there, so I'm hoping that it's just clicked and we've turned a corner. Fingers crossed.

Thank you so much, really helpful info, particularly on the practicalities! So far today dd has managed a dribble in the potty, and just now, a large puddle on the floor, so not great! There was much wriggling & talk of wee wee before the big wee though, so I figure it's a good sign that she definitely knows beforehand. The dribble in the potty earlier was achieved after I managed to get her to sit on it for more than a few seconds, by distracting her with play doh, so it seems that might be the issue, getting her to concentrate on the matter in hand!

Sounds like your dd is doing great, well done to her! And good to hear how much things can improve in just a few days! Good point about feeling wet clothes, I'd heard that, so will get her in clothes on bottom half if/when we start having a better success rate!

Oh, sounds like your DD def knows when she needs to go. The other thing which I didn't mention in my last post is that I've been giving little treats each time DD2 does something in the potty (although funnily enough she hasn't had those the last couple of days). Just a Malteser, nothing huge, but she is very motivated by food, especially chocolate! I would never have dreamed of doing this with DD1 but I'm a lot more laid back about this sort of thing second time around. A sticker chart is a good idea too.

Thanks, dd is also a big chocolate fan! However, I feel she would not accept just being given one button/whatever at a time! Might introduce that if she starts being more successful. Has been doing a star chart though, & also giving her one on her top if she does anything, which she seems excited about! She did however ask for a sticker earlier after a small dribble in her pants, not quite the idea! She was very proud to show dh her sticker earlier though, so hopefully they'll motivate her!

Just when I'm ready to give up, dd gives me hope! She led me to the toilet with great urgency earlier, so I sat her on & she did 2 tiny poos! Am quite surprised she's willing to poo at all on a toilet, so I guess that's a good sign! Plenty of puddles today though, although I did mange to sit her on the potty mid wee earlier, which I hope will get her used to the feeling of doing it. See what tomorrow brings!

Hurray! Well done to her. And good she's using the loo too. Isn't it funny how these little successes give you hope?!

We've had a fab day, can't quite believe it. Everything in potty - total of 12 events! Not sure how tomorrow will pan out as I'm at work and my mum looks after DD2, so we'll see.

Good luck for tomorrow :)

Great news about your dd, sounds like she's got it sussed! Fingers crossed she carries on for your mum tomorrow. Will see how we go tomorrow, but we may have to leave it a couple of weeks & try again if she's no better. I've got through so much kitchen roll today! Small victories are good though, I never thought I'd be so excited about a teaspoon of wee in a potty!

How was your day? Ours was a little less successful today. As predicted, DD had a couple of accidents while my mum was looking after her, but otherwise all in potty. I've come to the conclusion that she's fine if I'm there to pre-empt her or whisk her on the potty!

Not a bad idea to have a break and come back to it fresh in a week or two. We had a false start with DD1 - we tried her when she was about 22 months and she was hopeless. We left it for about three months until she was the age DD2 is now and then she did it easily as you know. You could put your DD back in nappies, then really work on using the potty as much as possible - takes the stress away.

Just thought I'd report that we've had a much better day today! We've also established 2 things:

1. She prefers the toilet to the potty (leads me there when she needs to go)
2. Likes me to wait outside the toilet! This means I'm waiting like a mad woman outside, waiting to hear a tinkle!

Anyway, today she managed a proper poo on the toilet! Hooray! She also did a few wees on there, although I can't be sure, due to point 2 above! (that's the trouble with a toilet rather than a potty, you can't be sure what they've done!).

Also on the plus side, the accidents she's had have nearly all been while getting on or off the toilet, so I think we're getting somewhere! If she can just learn to sit still on there for a minute when she needs to go, we might get somewhere! At the moment, I think she just wants to get on with doing something else. I've tried singing with her while she's on there, to get her to stay put, which works to an extent.

I also feel I'm getting better at recognising how she acts when she needs to go urgently, which is helpful.

We also went out earlier with her in the pushchair, & I admit I did put a nappy on her (cloth) as I thought she might fall asleep. She didn't, but we were out for about 45 mins, & the nappy was dry when we got back (took it straight off when we got home). Have been putting her just in a top & short vest, with bare bum, which seems to work well at the moment.

Hope your dd was ok today. I bet she's done really well.

How funny we were typing at the same time! Well done to your dd for today! We'll see now we go with dd, but will try to carry on I think, certainly on the days I'm at home. We're away with her for a wedding next weekend though, so will have to use nappies then, as she's a bridesmaid too, so a little too public for puddles!

Excellent news and good that you feel you can carry on! If she prefers the toilet then that means you won't have to faff about moving on from the potty. Funny that she makes you wait outside. Very independent.

I think it's easier once you recognise the signs and then make sure they go. It must help them to recognise the feeling too.

I've noticed that DD2 is going longer between wees now - the first couple of days she seemed to be doing lots of little dribbles, but that seems to have stopped and she just wees about every hour and a half now properly.

Anyway, keep us posted about how you're doing.

Thanks, will update if we have any more significant progress! In reality, I think we're prob a little early in doing all this, but with dc2 on the way, I feel better having made a start now. That's interesting about your dd going longer between wees now, must make your life easier! I wonder if her having an older sister has helped with training young?

I think once we've been to this wedding, we can carry on properly with training, as I'll be home a bit more (I usually work 2 days a week, but with the bank holidays, I'll be off a bit more). I think it's easiest for them to be with the same person when they're first training, don't you think, as you say, you get used to the signs & take action quickly!

Good luck with it over the next few weeks. We're back on track today, which kind of proves our theory that at this stage in the process it helps if you can be with them ALL the time. We've been to a toddler group this morning and she did two wees on their potty which was in a bathroom at the end of the corridor.

Hope the wedding is lovely - how nice for your DD to be a bridesmaid, bet she'll look adorable :)

Thanks,it's my BIL's wedding, I hope she walks up the aisle nicely, you never know how they'll be at this age do you! Well done to your dd using the potty at play group, that really shows she's trained doesn't it, as it's easy for them to have accidents when they're distracted playing.

Dd managed another number 2 on the toilet today, & actually told me 'poo' beforehand (she said 'wee wee' before the last one!), so that was good, but still not much luck with wees. She wriggles & wriggles for ages, so she feels the need to go & holds it, but doesn't seem to have the muscle control to then let it go at the right time. I think we'll have another proper attempt in a week or 2, but I think she's close to being ready.

Lucky you, no more nappies to change during the day!