3yrs 2 month son is happy to wee in pants doesn't even want to be changed!

[ThePJs]

Tried to take very gentle approach with potty training, familiarised him with books/potty/watching us etc for over 6 months but have not pushed him or put pressure on him. He likes the books but until this week has found pants and potty/toilet seat abhorrent! He got really upset when we tried to put pants on or suggest he sit on potty/toilet, even bribing with sweets would not work, so decided to wait until he initiated it. 4 days ago he read the potty book and said he wanted to wear pants and get the potty. I was delighted, he sat on potty for about 40 mins and then did a wee, he was really happy, got a sweet and magnet on reward chart. Since then it has been a complete battle, only one more chance wee on potty, he doesn't even want to sit on the potty anymore he says he likes doing a wee in his trousers and is not bothered about being changed. I left him 45 mins in soaked through trousers and socks and he didn't seem uncomfortable or upset (I wanted him to not like the sensation and want to use the potty instead. Didn't work!)

He is also withholding his poos and as he has suffered badly from constipation in the past I let him put on a nappy to do a poo as he has been straining for 4 days and it had been 5 days since he last pooed. Every time he started pushing I would put him on the potty and he would stop.

I don't know whether to stop or persevere. Does anyone have any tips about what to? He has absolutely no intention of taking himself to the potty or pulling down his trousers. When I ask him to tell me if he needs a poo or wee he says "no" and when I say 'what are you going to do if you need a poo or wee?" he says "nothing". It's hard work when bar 2 wees everything in 4 days has resulted in a change of trousers, socks and pants. I am happy to continue but wonder if this is the best thing for him or not? Any opinions?

STOP! Seriously, once they start to withhold, just back off. Better in nappies till they start school than all those issues. Sooner or later he is going to decide he wants to stop wearing nappies properly. You can't train if he won't co-operate.

I remember watching ds1, aged 3, standing at the playtable playing with trains, and simultaneously weeing over his own feet. He hadn't even noticed. I abandoned that particular potty-training attempt.

Your ds might like to go commando in the garden in the summer. Ds1 loved watering the plants ...

Or you could try reverse psychology - next time he says he wants to try pants, say "no, you can't, I want you in nappies for ever" .

Thank you for your response. We have gone back to nappies and he seems happier, will try again in the summer. I gave him the choice of pants or nappy this morning and he was quite adamant he wanted a nappy, he also asked for his reward chart to be taken down. I think we are doing the right thing as it is impossible to train a child who simply refuses to cooperate. From reading other advice, I think I may have been asking him if he needed to wee too frequently and therefore inadvertently putting pressure on him.