any ideas how to help me help my 3yo dd adapt to going outside the home?

[bebemoojem]

Background: Basically she doesn't like anything new or different. She's set in her ways and any time you try to introduce new things she pulls away and shuts down and says it's too difficult/different.

She had to pick out her potty to even begin to use one and it ended up being a chair rather than a potty.
She's perfect in the house. Nothing but the occasional playing and forgetful accident as she runs to the toilet to go because she waited too long. But this is maybe once every month or so. BUT outside the house... just no good. She holds it in and then refuses and has accidents because she doesn't want to go in the toilets. Huge tantrums ensue and tho I've been trying to downplay the whole thing and not pressure it's starting to get a little bit 'when are we ever going to manage if she never even tries to go?' She refuses to go on her special potty chair even when I lug the thing into public with us.
Today I bought a little seat to go over the big toilet (in the hopes that she'll get used to using this and then I can take that out with us hopefully) and have put the stool in front of the toilet and showed her what it was and how she could use it. And have left her to try to explore/discover the situation herself hoping she would come to terms with the new seat. I saw her sitting on it earlier but she was upset because it moved around... I didn't say anything and I'm trying very hard to keep things low key. I'm obviously giving it longer than just a day... but I'm wondering if anyone has any other ideas/support?
How do you encourage your stubborn children to do what you know they could do if they just stopped being so stubborn?

Is this more of an issue with public toilets or do you have the same resistance at friends/family homes? It isn't unusual especially with girls to dislike public loos. Do you think she would use a potette travel potty which could accompany you everywhere and be used as a potty if she wouldn't sit on the loo itself? The potette plus converts to a loo seat which has non slip bits on it, and the sides can be held on to. Have you let her see other little friends happily using public loos?

You could take a firmer line, along the lines of if you won't use the toilet or a potty, you'll have to wear pull-ups to go out. Explain that people won't be very happy about puddles on their floors and carpets if she doesn't use the loo, which you know she can. Start a reward scheme for using potty or loo away from home. Don't be too eager to change her if she does wet herself, so that she is aware of how uncomfortable it is (if possible) and perhaps decide that using a potty/loo is the better option.

Other than that, try to keep outings short for the moment so that she can hold on till you get home. When the weather is warmer, it is more comfortable to use a travel potty outdoors or just wee on the grass at the park etc. I don't think I've ever known a child who wouldn't go outdoors!

Thanks Girly. It's all toilets outside of the house. I get the impression that it's not that she doesn't want to do it the right way...it's just that she's so very stressed about it that she cannot or cannot bring herself to it. Tho we were gone these bast 2 days and she did manage to go in the hotel... but she was still waiting until the very last minute to go there and so had 'dribbles' in her undies. And we had quite a few accidents while out (because she was holding it even in the hotel so when we went out she couldn't contain it any more)
She would very happily be in nappies or pull ups while we were out. She doesn't overly mind them because she knows she can just 'go' and it's no bother to anyone, or no one has to know when she does go....

Dunno. I'll keep trying to be gently reassuring that this is the way we do it and hopefully she'll come to terms with it. It seems unlikely that she'll never go while out of the house... I wish she'd go before we'd leave the house but she just insists she doesn't have to go and trying to get her to sit and 'try' to go just leads to tantrums and then she doesn't want to leave the house either. patience is what she's teaching me