DS1 is 3 and a half and has been potty trained since he was two. We trained him quite early because DS2 was on the way and he was showing most signs of being ready. He had some regression when DS2 arrived when he was 27 months and a few minor regressions after illness but always seemed to get back on track after a couple of weeks.
I went back to work when DS2 turned one and they now both go to the same fabulous childminder. DS1 has been there since he was one and she works on preparing the kids for school but, unfortunately, DS1 is now the oldest child and his peers have all left for school. The other children range from 15 months to 2 years (although I think there is one older boy who attends pre-school for most of the day).
In the last few months DS1 has started deliberately having accidents (wee and/or poo) both at home and with the childminder. It isn't really just this - he is also less good at listening and following instructions. We're pretty sure it is a reaction to DS2, especially now he is also at the childminder and exacerbated by the fact that there are no longer any older children to emulate. He probably feels a bit frustrated and a bit like all the babies get more attention. He is just trying to control his environment.
We realised this might be an issue at the beginning of the year but, at the time, we had been planning to move away from the area so it didn't seem fair to move him temporarily. We are not expecting to move for a while now and he is due to start school in September (he will be very young for his year).
Given the deliberate nature of his behaviour we had started giving him short time outs (of which I am generally not a huge fan) but he actually liked this because he got more attention. We have tried incentives too but that also has very little effect. I read a similar thread on MN from a few years ago and the child discussed in that thread seemed to react similarly.
We have tried ignoring it.
We have tried role-playing (which had a temporary positive effect).
We have also taken his night time nappy away now because he was saving everything up, not going to the toilet during the day (unless it was in his pants!) and then doing it in the nappy at night. I don't think he is physiologically ready though and I am exhausted from changing sheets every night! I don't know how to go back without giving the wrong message.
DH and I are normally confident parents and both kids are generally pretty happy and calm but I just feel like we don't have a decent plan for this and just keep trying new things that fail. He is knows it is a big thing for us.
Any advice gratefully received...even if just to keep chanting quietly that it is all just a phase.