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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Just don't know how!

9 replies

sebsmama · 31/01/2012 09:12

My ds is 2.8. A couple of months after he turned two I thought we would try potty training and we went together and bought some Thomas pants. Since then we have had about three abortive attempts (I have had exams in January so the last two to three months were a write off).

He is just not interested at all. In fact he is quite resistent, when i talk to him and say, shall we try the potty tomorrow, he just says no and gets almost teary. When we do try, he says he's done a poo when he's done a wee in his pants. i am very calm, and say oh dear next time lets get it in the potty, and he agrees, then it just happens again. I cannot get him to sit on the potty or the toilet (we have a seat on the toilet),he just says no and gets upset. I dont want to force him or put him off. So I end uo putting him back in his nappy.

He has chicken pox at the mo but not v many spots and is feeling fine so I thout the week of forced being at hoeme would be good (I normally work pt and he is at nursery 2 full days and 1 half day a week) but it is just the same.

Should i just persevere? Or is he not ready? Seems that at almost 3 he should be ready. surely at some point he will have to be ready - what on earth do i do if he is still like this when he is 3 and a half, or 4???? I feel like such a failure. He is so grown up in all other ways, and i feel like if i was doing this right he would have got it. i just don't k ow how to do it.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
sebsmama · 31/01/2012 09:18

that is v long, sorry! Thanks for reading

OP posts:
seashelles · 31/01/2012 09:54

Hiya sebsmama, i dont have any personal experience with boys and im only on my 3rd day of training my dd but i have been reading a lot of posts where kids are not trained at 3 or even 4 as they are just not ready. I dont really know what to say you should do but just wanted to say that you are not alone.
Hugs.

ChipsnCheese · 31/01/2012 10:01

You (and he) are not failures. Really, wait until he is excited about it. Though you are right that you will need a few days at home! Can you wait until easter? I'd say 3 is very ok for a boy.

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 31/01/2012 10:04

I would stop trying at the moment. Take the stress off you and him.
My DS wasn't ready until he was nearly 4 and then did it in about a week. We only had one attempt before then that just stressed both of us out.
I am not saying your Ds won't do it until he is 4 by the way!

pranma · 31/01/2012 22:09

What made you decide to start?There has to be some indication from the child that he is ready eg saying when he is wet/dirty etc.I'd go back to nappies for now and relax about it :)

girlywhirly · 01/02/2012 13:40

I doubt you'll get anywhere while he is ill.

sebsmama · 01/02/2012 14:30

Thanks all for your comments.
chipsncheese, thanks! Definitely don't think he is a failure, he is my gorgeous boy!!
See, the consensus on here is to be patient and wait till he is ready, but in the outside world, I feel the pressure. My mum said today that he is getting on and i should hurry up :(
And sil's son was trained by this age. I know, ignore, ignore. But it is hard.
I am tempted to just put everything away and ignore it for a couple of months, would this be a good approach? Rilly, that is a good idea to wait till Easter. could take a few days over the exetended holiday weekend.
Pranma, there is nothing really that made me think he was ready, more just the physical things the books say of good communication, taking off clothes by himself etc. He tells me after he has done a poo in his nappy (sometimes). If I can tell he has done a poo and ask, he always says no.

He just hates me talking abaout it, I think.
Thanks for your advice. I feel like less of a paraiah on here.

OP posts:
sebsmama · 01/02/2012 14:32

Sorry, that was Chips who advised to wait till Easter.
Meant to ask, Rilly, what made you realise your DS was ready? as he was 4, were you similarly panicked / hassled by well meaning rellies?
Thanks

OP posts:
Rillyrillygoodlooking · 02/02/2012 01:33

Yes, I was a bit panicked about DS turning 4 and not potty trained. My mum had been "mentioning" it for ages, but I kept saying to her that it wouldnt help to rush it.
The first effort ended in us both being really stressed and DS weeing on the floor next to the potty. We then gave ourselves a break and took it really slowly. We got him used to going on the potty by putting him there in the morning and after meal times. But I wasn't very consistent with it! I also gave him a choice whether he wanted to wear nappy or pants.
Towards his 4th birthday we talked to him about being a big boy and having pants. Then about a week before he chose pants. He had a couple of days of accidents and then got used to it. DH went away for a week for work and said that if he went on the potty he could have a lollipop when DH got back. I think that helped. I also think it helped that I was in charge because DH was stressing me as well.
He wasn't ready mentally I think, and when we first started he would never ask to go to the loo. Also, he wasn't good at pulling his pants down. Now he can pull them down but doesnt bother to pull them back up again!
DD is 2.7 and has just been toilet trained. I used a reward chart with stickers and that really helped. She also wanted to do it and had started taking her nappy off a lot. So we had a couple of days indoors, with lots of accidents, then she got the hang of it very quickly. I also let her go naked on her bottom for a couple of days at the beginning so there wasn't the panic of taking clothes off.
I think the key is that they want to do it. Or at least in my DS's case accepts that he has to do it. I didnt want to push it too hard as I didn't want them to have a complex about going to the toilet.

Definitely leave it a good couple of months with no mention of potty etc. And then maybe set a date when you are going to start, then talk to your DS about it in the days leading up to it. Talk to him about how he is going to wear big boy pants, and perhaps have a reward chart where he can choose a sticker each time he uses the potty/loo and when he gets to 5 stickers he can have a chocolate button or something.

Good luck :)

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