Dd doesn't tell us when she needs potty

[ShushBaby]

Dd is 2 in a couple of weeks. We've taken a 'softly softly' approach to the potty, building it into her day virtually since she could sit up. Now she totally 'gets' it- knows what it is for etc. She holds her wee for hours (sometimes so long I start to worry), is dry after naps and in the morning, never poos in her pants and nearly always produces something when she sits on the potty. Many days she is dry all day, with all weds/poos in potty.

But- of course there is a but!- she does not tend to actually ASK for the potty. She seems to hold it all in until we decide it is potty time, and will instantly release once she is sat there. If left to her own devices she will tell us when she needs a poo, and occasionally when she needs a wee (eg she tends to say 'I need the potty' when she wakes up in the morning) but often she'll waddle up saying 'I done a wee' with wet pants.

I'm not sure whether she doesn't always recognise the feeling, is too distracted to tell us, or perhaps doesn't see any need to tell us, as we will just clean her up and change her clothes anyway. I'm fairly certain she has control of her bladder in general, given all the behaviours above- so I don't think that's the issue.

I'd appreciate advice on two fronts:
a) how to explain the concept of telling us when she needs a wee, and why it is important to tell us.
B) how to respond to accidents- I don't want to scold her obv, but she does tend to say 'never mind, next time!' and I at some point I'll need to get across that it does matter a bit, actually!

It feels like we're nearly there, but just need to take a final leap. Is it just a case of leaving it up to her to tell us, and her learning from her accidents?

Thanks in advance.

DD used to be very reticent about asking for the potty. Since she only went three times a day it was easy for me to yak the lead on getting her on the pot, & as she's got older she's been able to take over & ask for the toilet (now she's independent altogether actually). She was 2 when she first trained & is 3.6 now. So I suppose my advice would be to take the lead for now & wait for it to click with her.

Have you tried leaving her bare bottomed at home, with the potty very close by, and see if she will put herself on it? At such a young age I think the potty should be where she is and easily accessible, not in a far away loo or bathroom. It also gets around the problem of trying to manage clothes if she is pantless. It can be useful for them to have a few accidents, but I'd keep track of when she last had a wee, and then monitor her in case there is one likely, especially if she is engrossed in something. You might be able to spot jiggling, squirming, holding herself as an indication, but she might deny it and wet anyway!

If you want her to ask you, keep reminding her to. When she has an accident, say "tell mummy when you need the potty next time" "wees and poos go in the potty" and perhaps stop saying never mind.

I think that this is often the case with younger children when they are first trained. My DD2 was 'trained' at approx 22 months (i.e. totally in pants and no accidents), but I suppose I sort of controlled this by taking her to the loo regularly and as she was perfectly able to hold on in between times we were basically accident free. It was definitely a month to 6 weeks after she was in pants that she started to take more control over asking for the loo. Be patient, take her to the loo regularly so that she avoids accidents and bit by bit you will see that she takes control of it - the fact that she occasionally asks you in the morning makes me think that she will soon get there. In the mean time stay calm over accidents when they happen and simply repeat that wees and poos go in the potty (as girlywhirly said)

What nelly said is what I wanted to say.

Ah thanks for the great advice, I feel reassured now that she is making progress, and that it's 'ok' for us to keep taking the lead. I also feel reassured that our slow, steady approach from a young age might not have been mad, as I was starting to fear!